Sunday, 25 January 2015

Your mama say you too attached to this blog 'cause you can find the hot Lil' Chris tracks on this blog

"I'm from the city where they take your jewels
If you hide that then they might take your shoes
So you better not walk around my city with ya Mikes on
Or what? My n*ggas snakes like Pythons, Get their Vike on"


Lil' Chris - Finesse The Beat
(From the internet; 2015)



Back to the aBopalyptic-Drill of Godamn or What Money Do again for westside Chicago's Lil' Big Man? Finesse The Beat comes off more like an inverse Keep Your Head Up or Don't Shoot, yet it still hits all the same polyphonic sweet spots required from a Lil' Chris song that'll make its way into rotation here in Martorialist world.

True Martorialist world story, at a Game show late last year I was introduced to a friend of a friend who told me "Lil' Chris is the truth!" RT this post if you've ever had a conversation about Same Shit Different Day with a stranger you'd met a couple of minutes earlier.

Saturday, 24 January 2015

Can trust F.O.T.S part 2

Top 5 rap albums of all time: best of Spoonie Gee CD-R, Street Gospel by Suga Free, Trap Muzik by T.I., Blowout Comb by Digable Planets, Hot Box's Pop Rappers Go Hard (1988 - 1992) compilation.

Thursday, 22 January 2015

UnLox The Swag

The reason no one will ever write a definitive guide to rap music is because the people who make rap music also make the factual nuts and bolts behind it as confusing as possible. Like, I always thought the pre-Lox Warlocks era material was produced by the Bomb Squad but recently discovered they only went by the Warlocks moniker on Set It Off from the 2nd Main Source album and all their 1992 - 1994 demo tracks were actually recorded under the group name of The Bomb Squad despite them not being produced by the Bomb Squad or having any affiliation to the Bomb Squad whatsoever. The fuck?

About the only thing I can be certain of here is that, despite any involvement from Mr. Kill That Faggot, some of those Bomb Squad demo tracks were the hardest shit since Pretty Tone Capone. Personal favourite has to be Illegal Shit where Jadakiss, Sheek, & a gentleman by the name of Billy Loose Screws competed to see who could say the trifest shit imaginable as DJ Kasper cut up Spencer Davis Trio's I'm A Man beneath them:

The Bomb Squad ft. Billy Loose Screws - Illegal Shit
(From pre-Warlocks demos; 1993)


Pub quiz trivia: Billy Loose Screws was the late Bill Blass who you'll probably know as the teenager sitting next to Rakim in the classic Paid In Full posse picture and the guy Kool G. Rap namechecks as his accomplice in murder on the first verse of Ill Street Blues. Truth be told, he kinda murdered Jada & Sheek on their own shit here too.

Wednesday, 21 January 2015

I caught a plane out to Akron late last evening

"On my knees I ask God when I'm gon' die
You can look all you want but ain't no God in the sky
I try to run from my pain by buyin' jewellery
Fuck it, when I die let my enemies do my eulogy"


Ampichino - The Eulogy
(From The Eulogy: Death To My Enemies album; 2015)


If you've been paying attention, you'll already know The Eulogy has been my shit since it first leaked back in very late 2013. Video dropped yesterday alongside the long-awaited album and it captures the song's essence perfectly with Ampichino standing around in a dingy basement leering at the camera in a pair of gold fronts which look like they were copped from Rakim's mate Dave's website. Hope he told Dave that Rakim sent him so he got "the official joints" and not the rhodium knock-offs that'll leave him with gingivitis.

For someone who excels at personal rapping, it's a pity all Ampichino's albums read like a current Who's Who of the Oakland to Midwest melancholy mob music circuit, as demonstrated by this latest full length featuring just two solo tracks out of 20: The Eulogy here and the semi-Master P homage Uugghh. It's ironic that A-Wax should be the only mob music stalwart to not guest on the album because if there's one rapper who needs to take a metaphorical walk with 'Wax and drop a full length project with no features in the vein of Pullin' Strings, it's Ampichino.

Until then, Ampichino is a riddle wrapped within the conundrum of a rapper with a Me Against The World mindset who makes albums of Me And My N*ggas music.

Tuesday, 20 January 2015

Another mystery solved


The mystery: why was Ty Dolla $ign wearing a fingerless leather Legion of Doom glove in the Paranoid in-studio performance video?

The theory: Lupe Fiasco was due in the studio next to record Next To It and Ty needed something to keep his hand clean when removing the stick from Lupe's arse.

The outcome: perennial killjoy Lupe lightened up, fully commited to the spirit of Ty's "everything look better with a bitch next to it" concept via lines such as "everything look better with a titty next to it and the titty got a face that's pretty next to it" and ended up recording his best song in 8 years.

Looking forward to checking out Lupe's new full length to see what random reality-show contestant turnt MOR vocalists he has doing his hooks this time around. Last album he had that fella who won the first series of Australian Idol, so the smart money is on Andy Abraham and J.D. Fortune from Rock Star: INXS appearing on this one.

Ayo Lupe, your rapping ain't shit without Paul Potts next to it.

Monday, 19 January 2015

Why didn't God take Yung Lean instead of A$AP Yams?


Your spirit lives on in the classic Gudda Gudda photoshop.

As someone who came up interning for two of the greats in Max B and Messy Marv, Stevie Yams deserved so much better than a neo-rap clotheshorse like A$AP Rocky and a talentless chancer like A$AP Ferg. Yet he didn't give a fuck what any of us thought 'cause he was gettin' money AND pussy like Rico, and he was such a convincing public face for the A$AP brand that he somehow managed to convince a entire generation that the group were Houston rap mavens despite the fact that A$AP Ferg is oblivious to the existence of Z-Ro.

Yams was a marketing genius as proven by the results he got out of such mediocre rappers and the trail of copycat Tumblr-blogger failed A&R bums trying to push the likes of Kitty Pryde and Khalil Nova in the wake of his RNT okie doke working, but I liked him best when he was cracking jokes about Eskay being an "outta pocket Bun B lookin' hoe" or finding a wife with "a pussy that smells like Visvim candles", and when he was simply posting music I'd never heard before. Here's my ten favourite songs as discovered via ChoppasOnDeck, RealN*ggaTumblr, and Yamborghini:

1. Jae Millz - Sober (2009)
2. Gunplay - Mask On (2011)
3. Cam'Ron, Cardan & Ma$e - DJ Clue freestyle (1998)
4. A-Mafia - 1000 Grams (2010)
5. Husalah ft. Kool G. Rap - Hus G. Rap (unreleased)
6. Messy Marv - Ima Tell You Whut's Real (2008)
7. Sicko Mobb - Fiesta (2013)
8. Triple C's - White Sand (2009)
9. Will Smith ft. Big Pun, R.O.C & Cam'Ron - Gettin' Jiggy With It So So Def mix (1997)
10. Wooh Da Kid ft. Waka Flocka Flame & Bo Deal - Body Bag (2010)

Hope the fella is up in rap-blogger Heaven still wearing his trademark 28" leg APC New Standards and talkin' No Limit deep cuts with the late great Matthew Africa. Also hope the rap industry will finally stop using and promoting codeine; of all the confusing paradoxes contained in rap music, perhaps the most baffling one is the glorification of a substance that's turned a plethora of great rappers to into washed-up wrecks and is responsible for the untimely demises of numerous DJs, rappers, producers, & managers.

Sunday, 18 January 2015

CBBC Gang

That moment Trampoline by Kalin And Myles goes from being something you LOL at on the internet to being a video you catch IRL when you're channel surfing between The Box's 10 Tips For 2015 show and the Snooker on BBC 2 also happens to be the moment when you realise it's a Frankenstein's Monster of 3 separate songs in 1, all of them earworms; a Problem rather than a Fancy:

Kalin And Myles - Trampoline
(From the internet; 2014)


Trampoline might be the first rap song about arses that's so squeaky clean it leaves you feeling like you've just had anal bleaching performed on your own arsehole. No wonder black folk are so worried about rap music being whitewashed when every clean-cut Nick Junior peckerwood and their vaguely ethnic mate has a legitimate 4.8/5 song up the sleeves of their Abercrombie Oxford nowadays.

Saturday, 17 January 2015

Generic list post: back to the essence edition


Esteemed hip hop journalist Dart Adams is right - rap music has been corrupted by cheap gimmicks, by fecklessness, and by dancing youngsters with daft voices and silly clothes. Let's take it back to the '80s when rap music was pure, when rappers rhymed about important issues, and when people never danced or wore ski goggles or used funny noises on their records:

Kurtis Blow - Christmas Rappin' (1979)
Jimmy Spicer - Adventure Of Super Rhyme (1980)
Cold Crush Brothers - Punk Rock Rap (1982)
Busy Bee - Making Cash Money (1982)
Disco Four - Country Rock And Rap (1982)
Malcolm McLaren & World's Famous Supreme Team - Buffalo Gals (1982)
Whodini - Magic's Wand (1982)
Afrika Bambaataa & Soulsonic Force - Renegades Of Funk (1983)
Jonzun Crew - Space Cowboy (1983)
The Rock Steady Crew - Uprock (1984)
Herbie Hancock ft. Grand Mixer D.ST - Rockit (1983)
Newcleus - Jam On It (1984)
World's Famous Supreme Team - Hey DJ (1984)
Fat Boys - Stick 'Em (1984)
Doug E. Fresh ft. MC Ricky D - The Show (1985)
Bad Boys ft. K-Love - Inspector Gadget (1985)
Beastie Boys - She's On It (1985)
World Class Wreckin' Crew - Juice (1985)
Uncle Jamm's Army - What's Your Sign? (1985)
Puffy Dee - Joe Blow (1985)
Dr Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde - Yellow Panties (1985)
Schoolly D - I Don't Like Rock "N" Roll (1985)
Joeski Love - Pee-Wee's Dance (1986)
Whistle - (Nothing Serious) Just Buggin' (1986)
Love Bug Starski - Amityville (House On The Hill) (1986)
Egyptian Lover - Freak-A-Holic (1986)
Roxanne Shanté ft. Biz Markie - The Def Fresh Crew (1986)
Run D.M.C. & Aerosmith - Walk This Way (1986)
The 2 Live Crew - We Want Some Pussy (1986)
DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - Girls Ain't Nothing But Trouble (1986)
The Showboys - Drag Rap (1986)
Kid 'n Play - Last Night (1987)
Salt-N-Pepa - Push It (1987)
Boogie Down Productions - Super Hoe (1987)
Audio Two - Top Billin' (1987)
Super Lover Cee & Casanova Rud - Do The James (1987)
Jungle Brothers - Jimbrowski (1987)
LL Cool J - Go Cut Creator Go (1987)
Heavy D & The Boyz - The Overweight Lover's In The House (1987)
Biz Markie - Pickin' Boogers (1988)
Public Enemy - Cold Lampin' With Flavor (1988)
Tone Loc - Wild Thing (1988)
Slick Rick - Indian Girl (An Adult Story) (1988)
Ice-T - Girls L.G.B.N.A.F. (1988)
EPMD - The Steve Martin (1988)
MC EZ & Troop - Get Retarded (1988)
Kwamé - The Man We All Know And Love (1989)
Special Ed - Hoedown (1989)
Nice & Smooth - Funky For You (1989)
Kool G. Rap & DJ Polo - Cars (1989)
Stezo - To The Max (1989)

Live Drumming With The Country Boy by T La Rock isn't on YouTube? This can't be life.

Friday, 16 January 2015

I'm on my own little mission

No Special Ed. As Adam Sandler taught us in Funny People, the eyes, bro, they never lie:

"Revenge don't make it no better, but it's gon' make me feel better
When them bullets get to flyin' through that Benz, hah, tearin' up that leather"


Lil' June AKA June On A Beat - Tripp'n
(From YouTube/No Love Lost, No Trust Given mixtape; 2014)


Spotted on Donal's gaff.

Thursday, 15 January 2015

She on the cover of Melody Maker and she used to do it out in the Parkes like Taylor


Does it ever bug you out how much Simon Reynolds looks like Aisling the dark haired sister from The Reynolds Girls? Betcha it must really bug Simon Reynolds out because I'd Rather Jack said more about teh great Popism Versus Rockism debate in 3 minutes than Reynolds has managed in the past 25 years he's spent prattling on about the topic.

The Reynolds Girls - I'd Rather Jack
(From I'd Rather Jack single; 1988)


Dunno if the blond haired sister Linda died during childbirth as urban Scouse legend suggests, but she did sing on this tuneless Netto C&C Music Factory knock-off in 1992. As for Aisling, urban Scouse legend swears she's that fat bird in the LFC replica shirt from the Sefton Park Netto who became a minor meme a couple of years back, Dunno if that's true either, but Merseyside deserves its own Fallen Madonna Sonia With The Big Boobies.

Wednesday, 14 January 2015

You disrespectful, you gonna walk the plank


"We take that loss, don't get excited, trick
Just bought a boat, made it my pirate ship"


A-Wax - Goin' Yard
(From Everybody Loves Me Chapter 2 street album; 2015)



Can't decide if this is A-Wax going Skooly-core or just a continuation of the regionally ambiguous Stadium-Rap sound he was going for on Trust Issues. As far as A-Wax songs of a nautical bent go, Goin' Yard is no Gone Fishin', but it's the only track from Everybody Loves Me Chapter 2 to have gotten its hooks into me.

Tuesday, 13 January 2015

The More Things Change indeed

World-weary old man N.Y.C rap-de-rap in the best way possible right here:

"'Cause ain't a damn things changed
Black people still dying in vain
Shoot first, don't even ask questions
Stun gunnin', no rights, just arresting"


Grand Puba - The More Things Change
(From the internet; 2014)


It's not exactly surprising Grand Puba would still have a good song in him in 2015 because he kept a steady drip of low key gems last decade: the Pete Rock remix of Issues, Brand Nubian's Momma, his verse on Bread And Butter by Beanie Sigel, Let's Go from the Top Shelf '88 compilation, plus It Is What It Is and Good To Go from his last solo album.

What is surprising is that Puba would work with Babygrande's CEO Chuck "JEDI MIND TRICKS FAN" Wilson again in 2015 after being ripped off by him on at least 3 separate occasions last decade. Oi Chuck - you know it's always all luv over here, but you are the one CEO on Earth who makes Aaron Fuchs seem as magnanimous as Tony Wilson.

*EDIT* Forgot that I made a compilation of noughties Puba including the songs mentioned up top and some of the unreleased Brand Nubian cuts which surfaced last decade like I Ain't Goin' Out Like That, How Ya Livin', Brand Nu Hustle and Somebody Told A Lie.

Sunday, 11 January 2015

Generic list post: movie OST exclusives

Biting Etto again, Robbie dropped a post about exclusive soundtrack cuts t'other day and inspired my own hot take on the subject. Some of these were singles, some of them weren't, but every last one of them is a killer song which was exclusive to a movie soundtrack. One song per artist, one song per album or else the list would end up being comprised of 50% UGK soundtrack cuts, 50% tracks from Murder Was The Case and I'm Bout It OST's.

Slick Rick - I Sparkle (1999)
UGK - Pocket Full Of Stones (Pimp C remix) (1993)
State Property ft. Dirt McGirt - When You Hear That (2003)
2Pac - Never Had A Friend Like Me (1997)
Big Daddy Kane - Nuff Respect Due (1991)
Turk ft. B.G. - Uptown (2000)
Beastie Boys - Desperado (1988)
Tha Dogg Pound ft. Snoop - What Would U Do? (1994)
Lady Of Rage - Afro Puffs (1994)
DJ Grand Wizard Theodore & Kevie Kev Rockwell - Gangbusters (1983)
OutKast - Benz Or Beamer (1995)
Mobb Deep ft. Big Noyd & Rakim - Hoodlum (1997)
Three 6 Mafia ft. Hypnotize Minds - We Shootin' 1st (2001)
Gang Starr - Gotta Get Over (Taking Loot) (1992)
The Crooklyn Dodgers - Crooklyn (1994)
P$C ft. T.I. & Lil' Scrappy - I'm A King remix (2005)
Biggie Smalls - Party And Bullshit (1993)
50 Cent ft. Young Buck - I'll Whip Ya Head Boy (2005)
Master P ft. Eightball & MJG & UGK - Meal Ticket (1997)
Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth - One In A Million (1993)

Honourable mention goes to YG's 2015 Flow, a future hall of famer despite YG being dressed like Limmy's park wanker in the video.

Saturday, 10 January 2015

Where's the love?

Really disappointed YG didn't let Slim 400 get himself a proper piece of the the Blame It On The Streets soundtrack pie by including the On My Set remix. Like, how's YG gonna let RJ slide up on the album twice with the Ride Wit' Me remix and the O.M.M.I.O freestyle, and then front on the track where Slim said he could see a hoe scheming through her panoramic weave FFS?

Slim 400 ft. YG & Hunnyae - On My Set remix
(From the internet; 2014)


PS: still waitin' on that Kno Where The Party @ video. If Slim isn't careful, DJ Mustard is gonna resell that beat to Lil' Twist or fucking OB O'Brien.

Friday, 9 January 2015

Trees of Life

How come Ty Dolla $ign's work for such Atlantic roster hacks like Wiz Khalifa, B.o.B, Snow Tha Product, and Lupe Fiasco is so much better than all of his own post-Beach House 2 music? This new 8 minute double song for Wiz sounds like it was scored for a Terrence Malick movie full of shots of cumulus clouds slowly dissolving over bucolic weed crops. Usually such a thing would violate multiple Martorialist codes and send ya boy scrambling for the nearest A-Mafia song, yet Refresh/Say No More here somehow manages to be the most gorgeous song since D'Angelo's Really Love.

Wiz Khalifa ft. Ty Dolla $ign - Refresh/Say No More
(From Refresh/Say No More single; 2015)


Enjoy this one now before Wiz fills those 8 minutes out for the inevitable Taylor Gang remix with Berner, Chevy Woods and that rapping tattooist bloke who Wiz only signed so he could get free ink work for the next couple of years.

Thursday, 8 January 2015

R.I.P Cool C

It's gon' be 10000 State Property members at your funeral... when you die of natural causes in 36 years time because you keep getting granted new stays of execution every decade.

Let the legacy you leave behind be one of shamelessness: coming out dissing MC Shan on your debut single whilst sounding & rapping exactly like MC Shan; shooting a female police officer with two children in the face during a bungled bank robbery and then protesting your innocence to the day of your death by denying you were even there despite the contrasting CCTV footage, multiple eyewitnesses, & forensic evidence.

Let all my rap bloggers bow their heads with embarrassment that we all still bump Juice Crew Dis and Down To The Gristle to this very day regardless.

Cool C - Down To The Gristle
(From Down To The Gristle 12"; 1988/I Gotta Habit album; 1989)


Obviously this post is to be taken facetiously because everybody knows Cool C is innocent - police officer Lauretha Vaird was a stuntwoman who is still alive and now lives in rural Montana, and the CCTV footage was filmed by Jerry Bruckheimer & Michael Bay on the same secrete studio set where Stanley Kubrick staged the fake moon landings a couple of decades earlier. True stories, truss.

Wednesday, 7 January 2015

Very brief thoughts on Sremmlife


Nobody told Alan Hansen that Rae Sremmurd are the rap game Gary & Phil Neville?

How come Rae Sremmurd brought back Stupid Fruity Crazy Swag with the 2nd song on their debut album and then drafted in some fella called Jace as its guest instead of Da Juiceman?

#FREEGZUSPIECE 2

The statue of saltine limitations is over for 2014 and it's now acceptable for a white English person to post about Mic Terror's N.W.G. Not only is this the hardest AF shit Mic Terror has ever recorded, it's also a song about Important Issues which doesn't sound like its the audio equivalent of eating your broccoli - a trick mastered by Ice's T & Cube back in the day but pulled off by so few rappers nowadays:

"Best be inside when the streetlight is on
These streets I live on is like Vietnam
These GDs and BDs is like Viet Cong
And these Latin Kings is like Hispanic Nazis
Yeah, they some Nazis, I'm a black man so they wanna pop me
Gangbangers is bad, not as bad as these cops be
They'll harass me and stop me, askin' me where the rocks be"


Mic Terror - N.W.G.
(From The Fresh Prince Of Darkness album; 2014)


Tuesday, 6 January 2015

She on the cover of Melody Maker and she say it's my time like Flavor

Public Enemy - 911 Is A Joke
(From Fear Of A Black Planet album; 1990)


Is 2015 gonna be the year when Def Jam finally gives Flavor Flav the rights back to his shelved debut solo album? It's plausible that the record could be utterly F.U.B.A.R given that Flav was already spending hundreds of dollars a day on crack back then, so maybe Russell & Lyor were right to let it rot in the same Def Jam vault which contains the Flatlinerz sophomore album and Omillio Sparks' debut album.

However, it's also plausible that a 1991 Flava Flav record with production from The Bomb Squad and the Imperial Grand Ministers of Funk must surely contain at least one song that's as good as 911 Is A Joke or Cold Lampin' With Flavor or Can't Do Nuttin' For Ya Man or even I Don't Wanna Be Called Yo N*ga, so it couldn't possibly be any more of a disaster than Autobiography of Mistachuck was in 1996.

U.K blokes - remember when Mr Bongo stumped up for a couple of hundred copies of Chuck D's No 12" and then ended up being stuck with 90% of them after everybody heard how bad the song was? They were still tryna flog them off for 50p 5 years later in 2001. Fuck it, Van Damme 'em, Huw & Cam will blam blam 'em.

Monday, 5 January 2015

B.o.B now makes good song in 2015 shocker!

I don't know how this has happened, but ya boy Anthony Faneto right chea is digging B.o.B again: Drunk AF was the key song of Atlanta's 2014 fiddle sample renaissance; he did his job on T-Pain's Up Down by not getting in the way too much and then stole the show from Boosie on the Up Down remix; he produced my 2nd favourite song on Kevin Gates' Luca Brasi 2; and this Graduation Camp track from his latest mixtape is the first undeniable earworm I've heard in 2015, even though it sounds like it was recorded in the dusty cubbyhole at the Harris residence where T.I. lets all the old P$C members live.

"I don't know how you passed
You wasn't even in class
Got a D for them titties, and an A for that ass"


B.o.B ft. JaqueBeatz & T.I. - Graduation Camp
(From No Genre: The Label mixtape; 2014)


Trivia time: which major music website published a piece which confused B.o.B and Bobby Brackins in 2014?

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