Friday, 27 March 2015

Martorial elegance: Team Bacon Bra edition

Things done changed - rap went from Mr Magic to Mr Serv-On to Mr Me Too to Mr Porter. Gonna need a fan made video of this set to pix of those ponces from Pitti for it to truly become the viral anthem it's 'pposed to be.

"I'm a Classic Man
You can be mean when you look this clean
I'm a Classic Man
Callin' on me like a young O.G
I'm a Classic Man
Your needs gettin' met by the street elegant ol' fashioned man
Yeah baby, I'm a Classic Man"


Jidenna ft. Roman GianArthur - Classic Man
(From Classic Man single; 2015)


Hilariously apt how this video resembles the latest Jacamo advert. Things really have done changed.

Thursday, 26 March 2015

Generic list post: When Boosie Was Gone edition


Apropos of that new Boosie song here's a list of legitimate jams by other TRILL ENT artists which were released during the years when Boosie was in the bing. Pimp C made it a hot line, Mel & Turk made it a hot label to their drug money by poaching Concentration Camp's hottest artist when C-Loc got locked up, then the rest of the TRILL roster made hot music to compensate for their marquee artist being in prison even if Mel & Turk stuffed up by not releasing a lot of it for retail and letting Mouse On Tha Track out of his contract.

Webbie - My People (2010)
Webbie & Lil' Phat ft. Birdman - Do It Bigger (2010)
Mouse On Tha Track ft. TRILL Fam - Turn The Beat Up (2010)
Foxx - Get On (2011)
Foxx - Gold Mouth Dawg (2011)
Foxx - Stressed Out (2010)
Mouse On Tha Track - Swagger Fresh Freddie (2011)
Mouse On Tha Track ft. Young Ready - Alligator Hummingbird (2011)
Mouse On Tha Track - Money And Stuntin' (2011)
Webbie - Crazy (2011)
Webbie ft. Lil' Phat - What's Happenin' (2011)
Webbie - Keep Ya Head Up (2011)
Lil' Phat ft. Mannie Fresh - Talk Some Mo' Shit (2011)
Lil' Phat - Countin' Money (2012)
Foxx - Rich N*gga (2012)
Foxx ft. $hizz - 3rd Person (2012)
Mouse On Tha Track - Hand Rub (2012)
Mouse On Tha Track - Like Ya Momma Showed Ya (2012)
Mouse On Tha Track - Raise A Finger (2012)
Foxx - Shut Up (2012)
Foxx - Put Yo' Pussy On The Phone (2012)
Foxx - I Wonder (2012)
Lil' Trill & Shell - Futuristic Lingo (2012)
Mouse On Tha Track - Bye Bitch (2013)
Mouse On Tha Track ft. Kevin Gates - Don't Make Em Like Me (2013)
Mouse On Tha Track ft. Level - Get It Back (2013)
Foxx - Ride (2013)

Bonus Beats: Top 3 songs from TRILL artists' collaboration mixtapes with non-TRILL artists.

$hizz & Foxx - Send Ya Hit Man (2012)
Box & Swagga Fresh Freddie - Get It Out The Mud (2011)
Killa Kyleon & Mouse On Tha Track - Carmelo (2012)

Wednesday, 25 March 2015

Atlanta reclaims Dabbin' from stoner bores

No, really.

Did think the recent Swag-Rap renaissance might have hit the skids after founding father of Swag-Rap J.Money's latest mixtape sounded like an exercise in pinning the tail on every generic Atlanta trap rapper from the past 3 years. Then YouTube recommended me this new single by the guy behind This And That and it was like Fast Life Yungstaz were reborn for 2015, but with less Ralph Lauren and more edumacational lyrics:

"I've been workin' like Harriet Tubman
Nappy headed just like Frederick Douglass
But I'm swagged like a house slave
In the shade drinkin' lemonade"


Mr.2-17 - #Dabbin'
(From YouTube; 2015)



Definitely the best video YouTube has recommended me so far this week. The worst? This:

Tuesday, 24 March 2015

I accidentally kilt British Lil' Chris and you know this

Lil' Chris - Checkin' It Out
(From whatever his album was called; 2006)


Think about it, yo - exactly a week to the day after I put together a best of Lil' Chris compilation his namesake former Rock School contestant Lil' Chris is announced dead. Nowt personal, mate, but it's best you've gone back the essence because you kept making it difficult to search for Chicago Lil' Chris on YouTube, Spotify, and the Amazon MP3 store.

Bonus Dead Perez Gossip: first the Fat Boys break up, then Chippy Nonstop gets deported, now tuneless Noisey/Fader/his aspiring videographer manager's puppet Yung Gleesh has been arrested for raping someone at SXSW. Destiny is picking off the careers of any rapper ever associated with The Wavery like they're them unfortunate kids in the Final Destination movies.

Monday, 23 March 2015

We did it, Britain, we did it! part 2

Once upon a rhyme transatlantic rap collaborations between the U.S and the U.K meant A.G's studio scrap acapellas over Aim's lumpen Mancunian trip-hop or DJ Ivory trying to talk up his own P Brothers productions by claiming frigging Milano is a more talented than any rapper from outside the Tri-State. Fast forward to 2015 and we now have that The Purist producer bloke atoning for the sins of his forefathers by getting a listenable song out of post-XXX Danny Brown, doing TREE deep cuts, and recording a track with Roc Marciano that sounds like a legitimate Works Of Marc beat you could ride out to 'pon U.K road in a 1953 Eldorado convertible as long as you were willing to brave the perma-drizzle and fuck up your suspension on the combination of potholes & speedbumps.

"Range Ro', display the suede raincoat
Hop out the Rover like a stage coach
Like one of Jesse James folks"


The Purist ft. Roc Marciano - Patina
(From Soundcloud; 2015)

Saturday, 21 March 2015

The 3am Girls think all ethnic ppl look alike


Behold today's Daily Mirror where a picture of Robin Thicke & T.I is billed as Robin Thicke & Pharrell Williams. Perhaps this is karma finally catching up with T.I since his "I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two" lyric caused most of the controversy surrounding Blurred Lines in the first place? Ain't even matter, though, because Tip can keep eatin' off the song for the rest of his life whilst Thicke & Pharrell gotta dig deep in their pockets to feed Marvin Gaye's talentless bum kids for the rest of their lives.

Maybe if Lil' Skateboard P & Alan Thicke's son had ever made an album as good as Trap Muzik karma would Be Easy on them too?

Friday, 20 March 2015

Dat from?

3 Deep - Say What I Wanna Say
(From ?????; 2007 or 2008?)



Some brass-band Bayou funk by 3 Deep AKA the former trio of Mouse On Tha Track, Lil' Phat & Shell. Heard via Mouse's Instagram which led me to a YouTube upload from 2008 with an MS Paint portrait of Boosie & Webbie. This might be the best song 3 Deep ever recorded but it wasn't on their First 6 Months mixtape, nor was it on TRILL ENT's Survival Of The Fittest compilation, so where's it from?

Where's FrankieThaLuckyDog when you need his expertise?

Wednesday, 18 March 2015

Both noodles and pasta stay in your digestive tract for a long ass time

Meek Mill - Monster
(From Monster single; 2015)


I really fux with this recent Meek Mill song featuring the hook with bad dietary advice regarding processed foods, but it sux that future rap geeks evaluating the production credits of Jahlil Beats are now gonna view Wu Wuu Wuuu as little more than the Years To Build to Monster's Let Me Rhythm Hit 'Em when the most avant-garde N.Y rap bangeur of this decade thus far deserves so much better than that.

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

A Lil' Chris compilation 4 u

When I say the letter P is central to the music of Chicago's Lil' Chris I ain't talkin' about that Saigon & Kool G. Rap song from a decade ago - dude continually keeps hittin' those polyphonic sweet spots other rappers from west side Chicago struggle to even locate, and his songs are full of pathos and these little moments of profundity about everyday life. I put together a compilation of my 10 favourite tracks of his to prove to you he's an artist with multitudes and not just the Bushwick Bill of Bop (Bushwick Drill?). Guess what I titled it?


Lil' Chris - Lilmatic (compilation)

1. Same Shit, Different Day (2012)
2. Finesse The Beat (2015)
3. 2 Fake (2014)
4. N*gga Wit' Some Money (ft. Tiny B) (2015)
5. That's Wat Money Do (2014)
6. Get On Yo Shit (2014)
7. Sick And Tired (2014)
8. Bad Lil' Chick (Got Her Own Shit) (2015)
9. Godamn (2013)
10. Keep Your Head Up (2013)

~~~> DOWNLOAD HERE <~~~

Monday, 16 March 2015

We did it, Britain, we did it!


Flo Rida & Sage The Gemini's GDFR is finally a proper hit in the U.K, meaning all British readers are hereby required to get thrown out of their local Revolution bar for playing air-saxophone to it on a table this friday night! Number 3 with a bullet in the top 40 singles chart and a new entry in the official Martorialist canon of rap songs which were bigger hits here in the U.K than they were back home in the U.S:

1. Doug E. Fresh & MC Ricky D - The Show (1985)
2. M.O.P - Cold As Ice (2000)
3. The Furious Five & Duke Bootee - The Message (1982)
4. Bubba Sparxxx - Lovely (2001)
5. Newcleus - Jam On It (1984)
6. Eric B. & Rakim - Paid In Full (7 Minutes of Madness remix) (1987)
7. Dude 'n Nem - Watch My Feet (2007)
8. Herbie Hancock ft. Grand Mixer D.ST - Rockit (1983)
9. Grandmaster Melle Mel & The Furious Five - Step Off (1983)
10. Flo Rida ft. Sage The Gemini - GDFR (2014)
11. Hashim - Al-Naafiysh (The Soul) (1983)
12. Fatman Scoop & Crooklyn Clan - Be Faithful (1999)
13. DJ Kool - Let Me Clear My Throat (1996)
14. Kurtis Blow - Christmas Rappin' (1979)
15. Twista ft. Anthony Hamilton - Sunshine (2004)
16. Whistle - (Nothing Serious) Just Buggin' (1986)
17. The Sugarhill Gang - Rapper's Delight (1979)
18. Vic Mensa - Down On My Luck (2014)
19. Love Bug Starski - Amityville (House On The Hill) (1986)
20. Mann ft. 50 Cent - Buzzin' (remix) (2010)

Like Aisleyne from Big Brother dating Mike Tyson, Cold As Ice and the Ante Up remix both becoming top 10 U.K pop hits in 2001 (#3 and #7 respectively!) before M.O.P went on to record a song with Posh Spice is one of those now-inconceivable noughties anomalies we'll never be able to explain to our grandchildren.

Sunday, 15 March 2015

Generic list post: Queens is king of the deepest of deep cuts

Vaults on vaults on vaults, dunn! But don't just take my word for it, peep this list of tracks which didn't come out officially back when they were supposed to come out officially.

Run D.M.C. - Slow And Low (1983 or 1984)
Super Kids (Tragedy & Hot Day) - Stunt Of The Block (1986)
Kool G. Rap & DJ Polo - Enter The Dragon (1989)
LL Cool J - Year Of The Hip Hop (1991 or 1992)
Nas - Life Is Like A Dice Game (1992 or 1993)
Nas ft. Biz Markie & AZ - Understanding (1993)
The Beatnuts - 40 Oz (1994)
The Beatnuts - Sandwiches Pt 2 (1994)
Kamakazee ft. Nas & Cormega - On The Real (1994 or 1995)
Akinyele & Kool G. Rap - Break A Bitch Neck (1995)
Akinyele - In The World (O.G version) (1995)
Large Professor - Get Off The Bullshit (1995)
Mobb Deep ft. Tragedy Khadafi - First Day Of Spring (1996)
The Firm - La Familia (O.G version) (1996)
The Beatnuts - Robbed Stole (1997)
Cormega - Dead Man Walking (1997)
Cormega ft. Mobb Deep - Killaz Theme (1997)
Capone-N-Noreaga ft. Tragedy Khadafi & Nas - Calm Down (1997)
Noreaga - Married To Marijuana (1998)
Canibus ft. Rakim - I'll Bust 'Em, You Punish 'Em (O.G version) (1998)
50 Cent - Corner Bodeaga (1999)
50 Cent - Ghetto Qu'ran (Forgive Me) (1999)
Mobb Deep - Avirex (1999)
Havoc ft. 50 Cent & Big Noyd - Bump That (remix) (2002)
Blaq Poet - Poet's Comin' (2003)
Mobb Deep ft. 50 Cent - Pearly Gates (Uncensored) (2006)
Prodigy - Raining Guns And Shanks (2007)
Nicki Minaj - I Get Crazy (O.G version) (2009)

Probably best to forget A Tribe Called Quest's Georgie Porgie, eh?

Friday, 13 March 2015

Brief thoughts on Heems' Eat Pray Thug album

(A less libelous JPG than the O.G JPG used in this post.)

Does the Pray part of the title involve him praying he never gets a knock on his front door from the police about that time him & the other members of Das Racist sexually assaulted a barely-conscious girl and then had one of the group's journalist girlfriends try to keep the allegations out of the New York media?

Thursday, 12 March 2015

I'm a bad boy but I don't wear big clothes like Ma$e


Ma$e models the Buzz Ricksons A/W 1998 collection in Brandy's Top Of The World video.

Random theory of the day: Young Thug's beef with Rich Homie Quan has very little to do with the latter distancing himself from Rich Gang and everything to do with the former being jealous because Quan's Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh) brazenly nicked its triplet of wordless exclamations as a hook concept from Thug's Eww and has gone on to have more way impact on rap radio than that or any solo Thug song since Danny Glover. Amirite?

Rich Homie Quan - Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh)
(From Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh) single; 2015)


PS: Daddy is still Rich Homie Quan's best song of 2015 so far, though.

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

Reasons why I love YouTube # 66

There are certain people who just belong together - Beatrice and Benedick, Lisa & Laszlo, Ross & Rachel, me & your mum. Watching Trina screech her way through this medley of Leaving you (Big Ol' Stick), the Right Thurr remix, B R Right and Pull Over at BET's Spring Bling 2004, all you can think is "why did Lil' Wayne's dumb ass ever dump this woman when she was his soulmate back then and she still is now?"


Pertinent thoughts: whilst Trina is wearing a wonderful pair of above-the-knee boots, my thoughts are above such things; *Kay Slay voice* only Trina coulda made a legitimate 4.5/5 banger about the cocks of popular rappers circa 2004 yo!!

Trina - Leaving you (Big Ol' Stick)
(From Put It On Top/Leaving you (Big Ol' Stick) single; 2004)

Tuesday, 10 March 2015

Herb & Bibby recorded a sequel to Kill Shit

Lil' Bibby & Lil' Herb - Ain't Heard Bout You (Kill Shit Pt.2)
(From YouTube; 2015)


File this under ‘those rare 2015 rap songs that both Ziplock Moe and Robbie Unkut could enjoy’ and ‘why must Herb & Bibby persist in forging solo careers when they were clearly born to rap together as a duo?’

Monday, 9 March 2015

Da Capo worst music writing 2015

Question: Is it possible to publish an article more terrible than FACT Magazine's Sad Boys thinkpiece from 2013?

Answer: only if you let The Guardian's Paul Lester write a Sad Boys thinkpiece in 2015. Not even gonna link it, just know it exists and they wasted a decent Ice-T pun on it:


True story - every time someone pretends to enjoy the music of Lil' Pain or Suicideyear, someone else's pet dies in the real world. It ain't no coincidence that a dog died under mysterious circumstances at Crufts 3 days after Paul Lester's article went live.

Sunday, 8 March 2015

Let me find out this came out mid december and I didn't notice until 15 minutes ago

Let me find out one of this era's great songs about equal opportunity hatin' finally got its long-touted sequel. Let me find out this should've been Juvenile's first Rich Gang single. Let me find out lightning hasn't quite quite struck twice but this is still pretty nice. Let me find out Audiomack wouldn't accept the MP3 of this shit. Let me find out this is the first time I've heard Snoop with any kind of real menace in his voice since 2006 when he recorded 10 Lil' Crips. Let me find out it was an Aussie who put together that recent '90s Ca$h Money Records Bounce mix:

"Let me find out ya baby daddy is a liar
Wearin' fresh POLO but ain't got no washer or no dryer"


5th Ward Webbie ft. Snoop & Juvenile - Let Me Find Out Pt 2
(From Let Me Find Out (Exclusive Pack) EP; 2014)

Saturday, 7 March 2015

Ma$e World

"Oh no, you got to get your shit straight
Half these n*ggas is only hot on a mixtape
Only loved in 6 states, I'm the other 46
Pro'lly can hit any f**kin' shorty they wit'"


Ma$e ft. AZ - We Gone Make It Right
(From AZ's Decade 1994 - 2004 double CD; 2004)


We Gone Make It was first heard on AZ's Decade 1994 - 2004 bootleg compilation, but it's clearly a Ma$e song featuring AZ rather than vice versa, and it was almost certainly recorded at least 5 years earlier some time between 1997 - 1999. Shit definitely has that laconic So So Default sound of something from the Harlem World group album to the point that you keep expecting a Loon verse which never materialises.

Friday, 6 March 2015

Generic list post: "can you believe 2005 was a decade ago?" edition

2005: the year Crash won the best movie Oscar, Lost won the best drama Emmy, Little Britain won the best comedy Bafta, Simon Cowell won GQ's TV personality of the year award, Liverpool won the Champion's League, Chelsea won the Premiership title, the Patriots won the Super Bowl, and that Geordie twat who shagged Makosi in the hot tub won Big Brother U.K.

What an absolute nadir for humanity, eh? Here's great 25 rap songs from 2005 to remind you that the year wasn't a total bust in cultural terms:

Z-Ro - Respect My Mind
AZ - Never Change
The Jacka - Barney (More Crime)
Lil' Boosie - Trouble Man
Purple Ribbon Allstars - Kryptonite
Lil' Wayne - Tha Mobb
Jim Jones ft. Max B - G's Up
Purple City - It Ain't Easy
Boyz N Da Hood - Trap N*ggaz
Maino - Rumors
D4L - Do It Like Me Baby
50 Cent - Window Shopper
Three 6 Mafia ft. Young Buck & 8Ball & MJG - Stay Fly
Frayser Boy ft. Mike Jones & Paul Wall - Got Dat Drink
Maceo - Nextel Chirp
Dirt McGirt - Lift Ya Skirt
Mac Mall & Mac Dre ft. E-40 - Dredio
Paul Wall - Internet Going Nutz
M.O.P - Instigator
Ying Yang Twins - Wait (The Whisper Song)
Beanie Sigel - Feel It In The Air
P$C ft. T.I. & Lil' Scrappy - I'm A King (Remix)
Sean Price ft. Tek - Onion Head
KanYe West ft. Paul Wall, GLC & T.I. - Drive Slow (Remix)
Black Rob - Questions And Answers

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

That's a 3 hot singles every ten year average

Following on from their trifecta of Sittin' On 23z, Cali Iz Active and Y'All Know What I'm Doing in the noughties, Daz & Kurupt return with their first good single of whatever we're callin' this decade and it sounds exactly like what you'd hope a Dogg Pound X Kokane single would sound like in 2015. "You 38 and you still rappin'?" Not a problem as long as you hail from the west coast and you're not Dr. Dre - please continue, lads.

Tha Dogg Pound ft. Kokane & Snoop - Skip Skip
(From Soundcloud; 2015)

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