Saturday, 21 January 2017

Generic list post: I Got Cha Opin

Parlour game #content spawned from a conversation about whether Straight Outta Compton is a better LP opener than Real N*ggaz Don't Die: favourite opening songs on rap albums. Rules of da game like Wood Street Playaz: it must be the first song you hear when you press play on the album, it must contain rapping, and it must function as a proper song not just as an album intro. Turns out ya host is a right golden-era mark at heart.

1. Eric B. & Rakim - Follow The Leader (1988)
2. N.W.A - Real N*ggaz Don't Die (1991)
3. Z-Ro - Mo City Don (Freestyle) (2005)
4. Snoop Doggy Dogg - Murder Was The Case (remix) (1994)
5. Mac Dre - Feelin' Myself (2004)
6. L.L. Cool J - I'm Bad (1987)
7. Brand Nubian - All For One (1990)
8. Lil' Wayne - Tha Mobb (2005)
9. EPMD - Strictly Business (1988)
10. 2Pac - Ambitionz Az A Ridah (1996)
11. Ghosface & Raekwon ft. Cappadonna - Iron Maiden (1996)
12. Above The Law - Murder Rap (1990)
13. Camp Lo - Krystal Karrington (1997)
14. Dru Down - Pimp Of The Year (1994)
15. Beanie Sigel - Feel It In The Air (2005)
16. Cypress Hill - Pigs (1991)
17. Kool G. Rap & DJ Polo - Road To The Riches (1989)
18. Mystikal - Y'All Ain't Ready Yet (1995)
19. The Diplomats ft. Un Kasa - Un Casa (2003)
20. Nice & Smooth - Early To Rise (1989)

Least favourite opening songs on killer albums? The title track of T.I's Trap Muzik gotta be my personal W.O.A.T since I always skip that entirely and start with I Can't Quit. Slick Rick's Treat Her Like A Prostitute can get a big fat skip too because the O.G beatbox version with Doug E. Fresh which later surfaced on the Teenage Love 12" is vastly superior and was only removed from the album due to cockamamie industry politics.

Wednesday, 18 January 2017

These bitches love Soca

Busy Signal - Go Again
(From the 6.3 Riddim; 2017)



A real 2 Birds With 1 Stone choon here: a Caribbean escape from the slate-grey skies + bitter winds of British january, and a much-welcome counteragent to this month of mostly stale new rap shit.

Artists who really do use their voices like an instrument nah just walk inna Young Thug's shoes. That's not a plea for any Busy Signal Is Post-Language/Like A Verbal Saxophone thinkpieces, mind.

Sunday, 15 January 2017

Just sayin', mang

Kap G - Freakin 'N' Geekin
(From Freakin 'N' Geekin single; 2016)



Thought everyone had done the decent thing by ignoring Kap G's shitty new single here until I caught Westwood enthusiastically slappin' it on his latest show. Song is the exact sort trendy Atlanta bollox Kap shouldn't be droppin' when he's got a Safari remix in the chamber ready to go, and it's unfortunate that the poor lad probably thinks he's channeling Young Thug by raising his voice a few octaves at the end of each bar when he actually sounds like a eunuch doin' the Akinyele Vagina Diner flow. Jose got them stinkers.

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Reasons why I love YouTube: Little In Japan edition

Oh, so this is the Japanese chicken-chaser commercial Bananarama recorded their AZN market-only G.O.A.T deep cut He's Got Tact for. Who needs Easy Rider when you've got Peter Fonda on a Honda instead?


Shameful situation that Woodie's Norte Sidin' and Foxy Brown's Cruel Summer are the only notable rap songs to sample Bananarama. Don't even front like the intro of It Ain't What You Do... doesn't bang as 'ard as anything on an Ultimate Breaks & Beats compilation.

Fun Boy Three with Bananarama - It Aint What You Do...
(From Fun Boy Three album; 1982)


Monday, 9 January 2017

Carry on Campin'

Camp Lo - Camp Lo (Bust Ya Down)
(From Ski's vaults; 1995/On The Way Uptown album; 2016)



As taken from Camp Lo & Ski's new album of 1995/1996 unreleased joints. This shit is Scaramanga before Scaramanga, and while it's far too raw for Uptown Saturday Night or the B-sides of Camp Lo's previous singles, it definitely sounds like some long-lost demo track Stretch & Bobbito played once in 1995 that headz have been tryin' to track down ever since. Shalamar magnetic.

Saturday, 7 January 2017

Born to Audiomack: top 10 non-rap songs of 2016

I stopped smokin' with writers back in '015 when they tried to tell me Carley Rae Jepsen was an Exciting Artiste. Judging by most of the 2016 music lists I read, the vast majority of these dullard critics still can't tell diamond from wood, which gives me another excuse to mine my own archives for #content in 2017 by condensing my my best non-rap songs of the year generic list post down to a ten song Audiomack playlist. It ain't even that my taste in non-rap shit is 'owt special, more that all these frumpy music writers are so laughably clueless that any mildly-inquisitive dilettante with a decent ear can glitter & gleam like Pimp C's Cadillac in comparison.



No order of preference, but the running order of artists is Tinashe, New Age Muzik, Kwamz & Flava, Moelogo, Shatta Wale, Dexta Daps, Chi Ching Ching, Spice, Mr. Fingers, and Shift K3Y. Never wrote about the latter's Like This, but that shit was my own personal House Every Weekend of 2016 which I never heard anybody play outside my own house. Probably would have expanded the list to a top twelve and included Fifth Harmony & Ty Dolla $ign's Work From Home and J. Balvin & co's Safari if both songs weren't such red flags to the RIAA.

Friday, 6 January 2017

File this under ‘one for the Brits’

A screenshot of the Siccness.net front page. What's wrong with this picture?


Hint: killed the pussy like Grant, I done added to my body count. Winning answer gets my mate Angie's crying Ian Beale tattoo transfer.


"Baby you funny, I call that chick Lenny Henry"

Young T & Bugsey - No Mickey Mouse Ting
(From YouTube; 2016)


Thursday, 5 January 2017

I got a rare European with some rhythm

"It's Money Over Bitches, ask Pimpy Doo
That's my n*gga, he say that's what we really do
If Tina Turner need a tune-up call me Jiffy Lube"


Street Knowledge - Dru Down Flow (Can You Feel Me)
(From Soundcloud; 2017)



Street Knowledge isn't a rapper whose music sticks for ya host like cement, but this one's got me stuck where I stand, 'bout to piss in my pants. You got me mixed-up twisted like Arabian gymnasts if you think I'm not down for homages to NorCal's finest hoet laureate Pimpy Dru.

Tuesday, 3 January 2017

Born to Audiomack: sixteen which ain't from 2016

Still tippin', still fly, still breathin', still I rise, still spendin' money from '88, still minin' my own archives for #content in 2017. Here's my sixteen which ain't from 2016 generic list post in Audiomack playlist form... well, sorta: I don't have the OutKast and Casual MP3s at hand right now so I've replaced them with equally worthy new-to-me discoveries by Camp Lo and BlaqNmilD & 5th Ward Weebie. Still 'bout whateva, still D.R.E, still rock my chinos with a cuff and no crease, still the only Audiomack user to upload songs by Slick Rick and Lil' Yase & Yatta.

Friday, 30 December 2016

Generic list post: December 2016


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when ya host let Ireland down. FYI, Pain In Da Ass was a-ok with me - The Return Of The Diaz Brothers is a boricua-rap classic which woulda been unthinkable without him, and it can't be a coincidence that Jay-Z fell off after his albums stopped featuring Wayne Da Pain.

G. Dep - Blak N*gga (1996/2016)
Mac Blast - 5 Mins Of Funk (2009)
Madlib & MF DOOM - Avanlache (2011/2016)
Mike $aatchi - Marty McFly (2016)
70th Street Carlos - When I Was Little (2016)
WNC Whop Bezzy - Consequences (2016)
Maleek Berry - Kontrol (2016)
Kwamz & Flava ft. Tion Wayne - Calling (2016)
Shatta Wale - Kakai (2016)

Other notables: Camp Lo's legit hitherto-unheard Suga Streets really should have been the B-side to Piece Of The Action in 1996 before Ski expanded his production palette and went full-on Coffy Is The Technicolor nostaljack for Uptown Saturday Night; Nef The Pharaoh's Mistletoe is way better than a song produced by Ryan Hemsworthless has any right to be, but it's still a mere Christmas throwaway; I prefer SOB & RBE's Lane Changing more than either of their big singles, but they've yet to make a song that I'd pay 99p for/go to the trouble of rippin' the audio to MP3; I dunno WTF is goin' on in Gunplay's head to make him think that Bible On The Dash Part 2 should sound like a Chinese Jordan Kevin Gates?!

Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Make 'em say UGHH


First thought upon hearing the news that Madam "Quest" Walder is closing down the UGHH store in Boston + UGHH.com in its entirely: that store + website still exist?

Second thought: is this karma for the UGHH webstore using RealAudio snippets back in the day and/or the forum spawning 4 eLeMeNtZ survivalist retards like Jaz, AC Tha Program Director, and Wicked22?

Third thought: ain't gonna lie, I did cop a record from the webstore in 2003 - the 7" of Anti-Matter by King Geedorah & Mr. Fantastik. Best DOOM song which ain't on Operation Doomsday, IMHO.

Third thought: Walder still owes me a cheque for my chronicle of the Filipino Frank vs. Immortal Technique beef which spiraled from the UGHH forum to the Fat Beats NYC store.

Fourth thought: my own personal favourite UGHH forum moment was when that Je$$ $antana lass who pretended to be Paul Castellano's granddaughter got exposed as the obese daughter of a Rodney Dangerfield impersonator from Rockville, Maryland.

Fifth thought: quick, someone find the thread where Chuck Wilson from Babygrande Records got busted sock-puppeting his own releases under the alias of JEDI MIND TRICKS FAN before Walder vapourises the forums.


Sixth thought: at least that's one less message board Gentle Jones can spam with his terrible music in 2017.

Tuesday, 27 December 2016

Mr. Bang Bang Out

70th Street Carlos' debut mixtape didn't live up to expectations, so ya host condensed it down to the essentials, added the tracks which should have been included, and ended up with the best EP of 2016. All six songs are produced by Trel Itz A Hit which means Triggaman samples over Louisiana tubas, steel drum Soulja-Rap, beserker Brass Construction breakbeats, and Mardi Gras murder-core. Doz dat pay attention will already know most of these songs, so share this playlist with doz squares dat slept.



Swear down this is the last WNC post I'll make in 2016.

Monday, 26 December 2016

Tevas Scared (Slight Return)

"Bitch, there's consequences if you touch me
Bitch, there's consequences if you love me"


Whop Whop Bezzy - Consequences
(From G.R.E.G mixtape; 2016)



Still contend that Consequences wasn't as good as its teaser video suggested, but I suppose there's no shame in not living up to the best in-studio snippet video of 2016. In a cruel and senseless year, be thankful that the universe gently nudged Whop & Carlos into the arms of their soulmate producer.

Where's the GQ article about Whop wearin' Adidas kicks & Tevas sandals at the Same Damn Time in the Consequences video, though? Four Pins died for your tardiness, not mine.


Bitch, there's consequences for breakin' Brand Harmony protocol.

Thursday, 22 December 2016

I sit alone in my 4 cornered barn starin' at cows

From the heartlands of rural England to trendy Shorditch circa the late noughties to Houston's motherf*ckin' 5th Ward: it's the classique Barbour quilted Powell jacket.



When country-rap goes country-gent. Damn it feels good to be a farmer.

Wednesday, 21 December 2016

Late pass!

Maleek Berry - Kontrol
(From Last Daze of Summer EP; 2016)



As discovered via Drake's best of 2016 mix, a damn anthem. U.K Afrobeats being better than Real Deal Holyfiend motherlands Afrobeats this year is probably God's way of apologising for U.K Rap being the worst genre of all time.

... Just jokin' like Malphurs; American Reggae is forever the W.O.A.T genre innit?

Tuesday, 20 December 2016

It was the moment I feared


"To all you artists out there who don't wanna record songs where the producer's all up on that shit with a feature credit...all up on the artwork photoshopped.... don't work with Ryan Hemsworth!"



Don't even front like Mistletoe is one of the canonical Nef The Pharaoh loosies à la No Masturbation - shit is a pure throwaway that's good for a handful of listens tops. Fair play, though, because it's better than Nef's official new single with Sleazy G, and it's a Helluva lot more fun than an Xmas song produced by some cloud-rap also-ran from The Wavery has any right to be. Christmas really 'tis the luckiest season.

Ryan Hemsworthless finally being involved in a half-decent song after all these years gotta be the rap equivalent of the infinite monkey theorem.

Monday, 19 December 2016

Generic list post: Martorialist playlists of 2016

Can I jump back and kiss myself one last time in 2016? Here's all the playlists ya host put together or kept rollin' this year in one handy post. Make the most of them now before the inevitable Audiomack implosion melts 'em all into the cachemosphere.

AZ - Deep Cuts
Jackie Chain - The Best of Mr. V.I.P
Kap G - The Best of Kap G
Grand Puba - Deep Cuts
G. Dep - The Best of G. Dep
Fam-Lay - The Best of Fam-Lay
Akinyele - Deep Cuts
A-Mafia - The Best of A-Mafia
70th Street Carlos - Mr. Bang Bang Out EP
Various Artists - Rap Songs That Aren't On YouTube
Spice - The Best of Spice 2014 - 2016

Bad-Cop just uploaded a zipfile of the CDQ MP3 of How and 3 other unreleased pre-Bad Boy G. Dep tracks from 1996. I replaced the mixed version of How in my Best of The Deputy playlist with the CDQ version and also added Blak N*gga and Automatic from the zipfile. Throw ya hands in the freakin' air and keep 'em there.

Saturday, 17 December 2016

Martorial elegance # 89

Wanna rock an Xmas sweater to the pub but don't fancy gettin' ostracized by your famalam for lookin' like a Charlie Chester? Never fear because Kap LaGerfeld just got seasonal on datarzz and dropped a Girlfriend Christmas knit that your whole bloodline can wear. Call him Hedi, he's the slim mane.


Still waitin' on the the English-launguage remix of J. Balvin's Reggaeton hit Safari which Kap was teasin' on Instagram with Pharrell a while back. Keys opened doors for them twin brothers who only ever sounded good drippin' nonchalance over Neptunes beats to hop on a Justin Timberlake single, and being Lil' Skateboard P's Latino-rapper mate has unlocked a whole 'nother world of opportunity for the College Park Mexican.

Y'know what song Kap G really needs to jack, though? Gato by No Panty. How's Ray Barretto's El Watusi gotten the tumbleweed & cow dung treatment from rap producers until now when the song was featured in that ol' hip hop touchstone Carlito's Way?

Thursday, 15 December 2016

And my mothaf*ckin' circle smaller than Son Doobie's todger!


You're f*ckin' right I know Lil' Ken and he reckons WNC Carlos has settled on 70th Street as his prefix. You f*ckin' right Carlos' rapping & Trel Itz A Hit's production are one of 2016's most potent new combinations. F*ckin' right Keep A Glock is like a drunken beserker-Bounce version of Webbie's most savage song. F*ckin' right this is just a generic Baton Rouge rap video with teenagers wavin' guns around in someone's garden, but if it stops t'internet sleepin' on the song then it's served a purpose.

70th Street Carlos - Keep A Glock
(From YouTube; 2016)



You're f*ckin' right this new Carlos & Trel song is equally as savage. Hell yeah, WNC got joints - you're f*ckin' right. Ask that blogga Mike, he just heard Cross Me for the first time last night.

70th Street Carlos - When I Was Little
(From t'internet; 2016)



F*ckin' right I put together a best of Carlos EP. F*ckin' right all 6 songs on there were produced by Trel Itz A Hit.

Monday, 12 December 2016

The obligatory best rap songs of 2016 post

... and it's goodbye to the year when KanYe West went from Champions to tinkerman and Claudio Ranieri went from tinkerman to champion...


Raise a toast to 2016 - the exact point in history when middle class StanYes officially usurped middle aged 4 eLeMeNtZ survivalists as rap's W.O.A.T demographic. Usual EOTY rules apply here: one song per artist, no order of preference, and a handful of tracks from the filter-end of 2015. If anyone fancies turning this list into a playlist then do it on YouTube because twelve of these tracks aren't available on Spotify or any of its streaming competitors. Shit, four of them aren't on YouTube either, but at least you can find my Rich The Kid-less edit of Rich Homie Quan's Stay Down on the 'Tube (no Paula Yates.)

Boone - Pop A Perc
Yo Gotti - Down In The DM
Lil' Chris - Gods Crying
Jidenna - Long Live The Chief
Lil' Yase - Gigalo
Willie Joe - I Wonder
2 Chainz - MFN Right
WNC Carlos - Keep A Glock
WNC Da Label - Who You Playing With
Dreezy ft. Jeremih - Body
Uncle Murda - Cam'Ron Voice
Kap G - Southside
Ezale & DJ Fresh - We Want Some Pussy
Nef The Pharaoh ft. Philthy Rich - #Saaydaat
Tink - Aquafina
Yung Cat - You Ah Bitch
Rae Sremmurd ft. Gucci Mane - Black Beatles
YG - Bool, Balm & Bollective
RJ - OMG
Rich Homie Quan - Stay Down [Martorialist Edit]
Young Thug & Travis $cott ft. Quavo - Pick Up The Phone
Foxx - Too Old
Boosie BadAzz - Smile To Keep From Crying
Webbie ft. Boosie BadAzz - Problem
Mic Terror - I Don't Call The Cops
White Gzus ft. GLC - G Is For Green
Eat Em - Trophy
Kevin Gates - Hard For
Carolyn Rodriguez ft. Kap G - On The Grind
Young Devi D ft. Brandoshis - Don't Judge Me
Jimmy Wopo - Elm Street
King Louie - We Like To Party
Brill 4 The Thrill ft. Plushh - Pay Me
Ka - That Cold and Lonely
21 Savage & Metro Boomin - No Heart
Aminé - Caroline
D.R.A.M - Cash Machine
5th Ward Weebie ft. S 8ighty & Big Choo - Club Luv
A-Wax - Always Something
No Panty - Gato
Danny Brown - When It Rain
DJ Quik & Problem ft. Shy Carter - A New Nite/Rosecrans Groove
Kamaiyah - For My Dawg
NBA YoungBoy - 38 Baby
Max B ft. Wiz Khalifa, Alpac & Joe Young - Silver Surfer
French Montana ft. Kodak Black - Lockjaw
Mozzy ft. June - 1 Up Top
T.E.C & Maine Musik - Ain't No Comin' Down
Mike $aatchi - Marty McFly
Egyptian Lover - Kinky Nation (Kingdom Kum) [808 Mix]

Related: 2016's best non-rap songs IMO and Sixteen which ain't from 2016.

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