Monday, 23 November 2015

A recent-ish jams 4 u compilation volume 4

Another zipfile of recent favourite songs I've posted over the past few months. J Hus' Lean & Bop is included because it bodies any Yank dance record made in 2015 and you can't tell me shit to the contrary.

1. Patman - LIT (2015)
2. Lil' Chris - Gods Crying (2015)
3. J Hus ft. DoccyDocs - Lean & Bop (2015)
4. The Jacka ft. Dru Down - For Real (2015)
5. J.Stalin ft. L'Jay - Bye Felicia (2015)
6. Maine Musik - Social Media Gangsta (2015)
7. Chinx - How To Get Rich (2015)
8. Shy Glizzy ft. Boosie - Going Thru It (2015)
9. Stresmatic ft. Nef The Pharaoh & Mazerati Ricky - 2 Phones (2015)
10. Nef The Pharaoh - Come Pick Me Up (2015)
11. Mozzy ft. E Mozzy & Celly Ru - Love Slidn (2015)


Sunday, 22 November 2015

Not a song about the practices of Dr. Gillian McKeith

Don't no digital algorithms understand me, mane, but by some weird quiver of coincidence, 3 of my 5 favourite post-prison Boosie songs are thinly-veiled sequels to his classic 2005 - 2008 deep cuts: I'm Wit Ya is an updated reconfiguration of I Know; comeback album finale I'm Sorry is Mama I'm Sorry with a broader scope; and his Shy Glizzy duet Going Thru It is Goin' Thru Some Thangs 2K15. Best track to bear Shy Glizzy's name since Funeral, and better than anything on Boosie's latest 'tape.

"Baby-momma drama - don't wanna argue, I want peace
Shit, my daughters teenagers - hope they don't fall for a n*gga like me"

Shy Glizzy ft. Boosie - Going Thru It
(From Shy Glizzy & Zaytoven's For Trappers Only mixtape; 2015)

Theory: the real reason Funeral didn't pop like folk expected is because Glizzy removed DJ Drama's opening ab libs from the official retail/streaming MP3 and effectively sapped the song of its gravitas since Dram F. Kennedy's contribution was maximum-impact-via-minimum-appearance-time on a par with Nitt Da Gritt's epilogue on Trap Queen. Funeral without Drama's rousing intro monologue about leaving this mortal coil with your legacy intact so everyone at your wake can bow their heads with dignity? Yo, that's like Juelz on Rap City without Canal Street ice, the Chinese restaurant in Liverpool One without rumours of mice, or a Larry Lifeless band which doesn't besmirch Christ.

Thursday, 19 November 2015

Martorial elegance # 83

Can't be a coincidence that International Mens Day also happens to fall on the same date as World Toilet Day this year because even Atlanta's foremost superthug rapper is a drydick rando in 2015. BMF: Blowin' Masculinity (with) Fedoras?

Tuesday, 17 November 2015

Life is a beach and these bloggas is flotsam & jetsam

Had no idea Honey Cocaine dropped a video for Martorialist fave Honeydick last month, but then why would I since most of these bloggas will only cover the music of Female Rappers™ if they can spin it into some sorta entry-level feminism thinkpiece. For a hilarious recent example of this phenomenon, contrast the amount of words written about the W.W.A singles to the amount of words usually written about Katie Got Bandz or Sasha Go Hard - comedy hasn't been that outta sync since Danny met Arnie.

Honey Cocaine - Honeydick
(From The Gift Rap EP; 2015)

As for the Honeydick video, Honey Cocaine made her male back-up dancers black out their faces before she posed on a tree stump surrounded by dead Visvim models, and the entire po-faced thinkpiece mafia only went and missed out on a prime opportunity to shart out 500 words on how she's "subverting the male gaze" LMAO.

Sunday, 15 November 2015

Ya girl is usin' blow and she's usin' you

The Jacka ft. Dru Down - For Real
(From DJ Child & The Jacka's Mash Out Babylon compilation; 2015)

If Jacka & Dru Down had recorded a track for the Devilz Rejectz 2 album, it probably woulda been For Real. Shit is a wet sunday november night in audio form, and a song that sounds like it should have its own Murder Dog advertisement (™Rey).

Saturday, 14 November 2015

Spice Playlist & Chill

Spice has gotta be my favourite non-rap artist since The-Dream, yet she seems to gets zero coverage beyond specialist dancehall blogs or Lily Allen linking the So Mi Like It video on Twitter in a desperate attempt to try and justify one of the many occasions she was accused of racism. The female half of Romping Shop has the filthiest gob in all of music right now, but there's a poetic flourish to the way Spice talks about pum, batty and jumpin' pon cocky over Jamaica's best riddims. Collated a playlist of ol' girl's best tracks from the past couple of years for everyone who fuxwit music where the wet-sheets mania of lust coexists peacefully with the warm comfort blanket of lurve.

Sidenotes: no Bend Ova because Back Bend is the far superior tune; no So Mi Like It remix with Busta because Americans should be kept as far away from dancehall as is scientifically possible; no I Love You Baby because that backing track sounds like it belongs on one of Lily Allen's cod-reggae songs; and no download link because Spice has a babby to feed - go cop her shit on Amazon or the other place.

Friday, 13 November 2015

Rap Ü

Lil' Chris - Gods Crying
(From the internet; 2015)

Lil' Big Man 2k15 goin' semi-Where Are Ü Now Tropical on a song where he compares rain to the Lord's tears and references the Dutty Whine? Plz believe I'm all in on Gods Crying here. Arguably the first Lil' Chris song which could feature guest appearances from Justin Bieber and The Jacka.

Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Generic list post: Confessions Of Urine

Those classic rap songs that inspire you to nip to the bar or the bog whenever you hear them on the dancefloor - we all have 'em so let's use this post as a judgement-free repository for joints from thee canon which leave you like ┐(ツ)┌. Only God/Satan can judge us, so hopefully the big man upstairs/downstairs scurries for a pint or a piss whenever he hears any of these tracks too:

Nas - Nas Is Like (1999)
Mac Dre ft. Chuck Beez - Thizzle Dance (2002)
Kurtis Blow - The Breaks (1980)
Common Sense - I Used To Love H.E.R (1994)
T.I. - What You Know (2006)
Wu-Tang Clan - Triumph (1997)
Jay Electronica - Exhibit C (2009)
Three 6 Mafia - Tear Da Club Up '97 (1997)
Terror Squad - Lean Back (2004)
Lauryn Hill - Doo Wop (That Thing) (1998)
Chief Keef - Love Sosa (2012)
Jeru The Damaja - Come Clean (1993)
Rick Ross - Hustlin' (2006)
Kool Moe Dee - How Ya Like Me Now (1987)
The Pharcyde - Drop (1995)
De La Soul - Stakes Is High (1996)
Future - Tony Montana (2011)
Tim Dog - Fuck Compton (1991)
Jay-Z & KanYe West - N*ggas In Paris (2011)
The Fab 5 - Leflaur Leflah Eshkoshka (1995)
Migos - Versace (2013)

You are cordially invited to share your own least-favourite classic rap songs in the comments but bear in mind I'll be forced to trace your IP, hunt you down, and then take a piss in your pint if you dare mention Children's Story or Pussy or Why U Bullshittin' or Go D.J or Dead Bent or Mo City Don (Freestyle) or Crush On You remix or The Ghetto or My N*gga or Phone Tap or No Type or Follow The Leader.

Monday, 9 November 2015

F**k a hoop dream, I am way above Macaulay Culkin's rim

Plying child actors with booze and then taking them to bed like I'm Michael Jackson?

Nef The Pharaoh - Michael Jackson
(From Nef The Pharoah EP; 2015)

It's a glorified advert for those ugly-arse Giuseppe Zanotti high-tops in the guise of a dedication to America's answer to Jimmy Savile, yet Nef The Pharaoh's Michael Jackson is my 3rd favourite track on his EP after Big Tymin' and Come Pick Me Up. In Cardo, Nef has a producer who compliments his melodic sensibilities via beats which sound like they were designed to soundtrack France's most opulent hot tub parties circa 2025; in Nef, Cardo has a rapper who can write a song to his lavish production rather than just rap about bongs over it. Since we can all live through anything if Pamela made it, Michael Jackson here gotta be the catchiest shit out right now.

Saturday, 7 November 2015

R.I.P to Nate Dogg, we had to Regulate

Most insane part of G-Unit's show in Manchester last night? DJ Chubby Chub cutting out Nate Dogg's hook during 21 Questions so 20,000 people could sing it in unison. Most unexpected part? Instead of throwing Kidd Kidd a bone and lettin' him perform a solo song, 50 going into a medley of his verses from the remixes of Toot It And Boot It, Bitch, and UP!. Most unacceptable part? No Stunt 101 was a travesty since Young Buck was permitted entrance into the U.K unlike when G-Unit played London this played july.

KanYe may have won the war, but 50 stays showin' the rest of these fugazee A-listers how an arena-rap show's supposed to go. Like, who else but Currrrtis could have the 2 Lauren's from Liverpool rappin' along every word to a deep cut like Ya Life's On The Line?

Friday, 6 November 2015

By 8 I was great because I was sick when I was 6

Came to Nef The Pharaoh's EP on the hunt for slap tremendo in the vein of 2 Phones, left with the highlight of the previously unheard songs being some hazy sunkissed love letter to his favourite folk that's like Wiz Khafila's Kush & OJ if the O had stood for Off The Rictor and the J had stood for J-Diggs, or what a great Berner solo song might sound like if Berner weren't an earnest lump with no emotional palette beyond "I LOVE SMOKIN' WEED AND SELLIN WEED TO THE RAPPERS WHOM I'M TRYING TO BEFRIEND!" Neffy got range.

"Ya baby brother really ain't a baby no mo'
I had a baby and I can't buy liquor at the sto'"

Nef The Pharaoh - Come Pick Me Up
(From Nef The Pharaoh EP; 2015)

Thursday, 5 November 2015

Just sayin', bruv # 11

3 rap bloggers walk into a bar... you'd have thought 1 of them would have seen it but they were all too busy deconstructin' Drake on Twitter every frigging day to concentrate on what was goin' on in front of their noses.

I have but a solitary hot take for you this bonfire night but plz believe it's that Dario's Inferno-level heat: never trust anyone who didn't discover rap music via some kind of novelty record as a kid because they always have the most basic taste in rap as an adult. The first rap song ya host ever heard was performed by a rodent puppet from an '80s British TV show and yet I still have a far better grasp on the nuts 'n' bolts of rap history from 1979 - 2015 than any of these self-proclaimed REAL HIP HOP experts whose own introductions came via The Message or Public Enemy or Straight Outta Compton or the Native Tongues or Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) or 2Pac & Biggie.

Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Who got that dirty version of Puff's new mixtape?

Puff Daddy ft. Lil' Kim, Styles P & King Los - Auction
(From MMM mixtape; 2015)

Badly need the unedited version of Auction since it sounds like a Press Play track which Puff cut out of spite after Styles threatened to drop a TV on his head that time on Hot 97. I'd prefer another Last Train To Paris to Puff's upcoming No Way Out 2 album, but Combs & co over Sean C & L.V production like its 2006 all over again suits me fine as an entrée to a retail LP that's probably gonna feature Machine Gun Kelly playing the role of Ma$e on the O.G No Way Out.

Monday, 2 November 2015

Rap songs that aren't on YouTube but really should be # 14

Back when ya boy was hyperlinking the recent great B-sides & bonus tracks of the noughties post, I didn't even notice the YouTube upload of Puffy's Get Off contained within was a highly-truncated clean edit. Alas, it's not surprising that you can't currently find the full song on the 'Tube because Get Off remains perennially underrated as just that: a song.

Perhaps this is because it was the B-side of a rubbish song with Christina "8-Off" Aguilera released during the twlight days of singles as physical products? Or maybe it's because the song was eclipsed by the Get Off promo video going viral on MySpace? Either way, everybody on the planet should be able to stream the only natural successor to Crooklyn Clan & Fatman Scoop's Be Faithful in its full glory. Find out what happened in the Combs household when yung Sean first heard James Brown on the Playschool record player Janice copped him one Christmas below:

Sean "Diddy" Combs - Get Off
(From Tell Me single; 2006)

Contrary to the belief of some Bad Boy stans, the Get Off promo video isn't the apex of Puffy's dancing - that'd be his rendition of the Harlem Foxtrot on a conveyor belt during some 1999 award show performance of Hate Me Now.

Sunday, 1 November 2015

S/O to the Mongolian Mike Parry

Kwamz & Flava - Fine Lady
(From Soundcloud; 2015)

Are there any other 2015 Afrobeats jams which sound like they've got Tinie Tempah guesting on 'em or is Fine Lady somewhat of a U.K-bait anomaly? Shit slaps way harder than the most recent Kwamz & Flava song Tonight, yet Fine Lady remains marooned on Soundcloud whilst Tonight has been gettin' spins on Capital XTRA this past week and is an official digital single as of today. Industry rule 4090: record company people continually put their money behind the wrong song.

Foolproof strategy for Afrobeats to blow up in America: the genre needs its own Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now). There's no need to bother finding a new Freedom Williams for the job because his spiritual heir in monotone eye-rolling punchlines about nuts is already waiting in the wings armed with a iPhone notepad full of Chippendale similies.

Saturday, 31 October 2015

Friday, 30 October 2015

Generic list post: october 2015

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Stitches fans debated a different sort of Low End Theory, RapMusicHysteria's best of Reggeaton guide bodied every other listicle posted during october, and Spice found herself a new Prince Charming who doesn't require any conjugal visits.

Slimm Calhoun - Characters (2001)
Lil' Chris ft. Cago Leek - Feel The Breeze (2015)
Stresmatic ft. Nef The Pharaoh & Mazerati Ricky - 2 Phones (2015)
J. Stalin ft. L'Jay - Bye Felicia (2015)
Runway Rich ft. Big Gipp - How You Feeling (2015)
Tinashe - Player (2015)
Julio Bashmore ft. J'Danna - Rhythm Of Auld (2014)
Spice - Uh Oh (2015)

Otherwise october was a month of disappointments from Martorialist favourites old and new: AZ clearly took his mention on that last Eminem single to heart because Back To Myself is pure Mallgoth Mathers-core; Nef The Pharaoh's Boss Me is a textbook example of why teenagers shouldn't be allowed to make rap songs about sex.

Until Max B comes home or Trina makes a solo sequel to Wowzers, ban ALL rappers from making songs about pleasures of the flesh, imho.

Wednesday, 28 October 2015

It's a girl!

Via Nyquil via Willy. Oh so that's who the pregnant woman smoking a bifter in Stitches' Molly Cyrus video was - his then-future baby momma!?

Great exchange from the Molly Cyrus video comment section right here, btw:

Monday, 26 October 2015

Late pass!

It's crazy that one of the best Earthtone III productions should be buried 12 tracks deep into the debut album of Dungeon Family third-stringer Slimm Calhoun. What's even crazier is that the tune in question should kinda sound like an early noughties Big Boi solo joint as performed by T.I. circa In Da Streets Vol. 1. An A+ song by a C-list crew member:

Slimm Calhoun - Characters
(From The Skinny album; 2001)

Never bothered with Slimm Calhoun's The Skinny album before I got it 4 cheap last week, probably because its main single It's Ok was some booty chatter that's only notable for Slimm's proto-Chopper suits in the video. Album isn't particularly good, but Characters here justifies the £1.50 ya boy paid for the CD.

Sunday, 25 October 2015

What Happened To The World > What A Time To Be Alive

Jacka tat' courtesy of the Big Tymin' kid Nef The Pharaoh. Hope Nef's upcoming EP sounds closer to 2 Phones than it does to his own new song Boss Me because blippity-bloopety post-hyphy tracks about why a gentleman should keep 2 cellphones on his personage are always gonna be preferable to a teenage lad rhyming about sex for 3 verses over functional ratchet production.

Let's not bullshit here, though - the only rapper it's ever safe to get tatted on your physical is a dead rapper; that way you can be sure they'll never eat their girlfriend's intestines or get caught diddlin' kids. Somewhere in Houston there's a Hispanic bloke who hasn't worn a short-sleeved shirt in summer for the last 14 years because he's got SPM's face tattooed on his forearm and he's too embarrassed to go get a cover-up.