The teams that meet in Cathy Ménard

What happens when you run out of old episodes of Capital City, Herman's Head, the Droids cartoon, and Get A Life to download, scans of long-since binned issues of old music, movie and skateboarding magazines to read, and old Amstrad games to play on that CPC 464 emulator you downloaded (Treasure Island Dizzy is still that crack, son)? For me it's been the devolution into searching out old porn chanced upon as a teenager and the stories behind it. After using the Vintage Erotica forum to find scans of old Razzle Romps, it seemed rude not to use the place to track down a couple of movies I saw as a teen too, including Exzesse in der Schönheitsfarm AKA Wild Playgirls 2 (you can stream it on Sunporno.com if you wanna watch it) which was a movie that circulated our school via VHS tape (£2.50 to borrow it for the evening) and a censored version of seemed to be permanently looped on late-night Kraut softcore channel RTL back in the early nineties every time I'd flick over to it during the commercial breaks in Prisoner Cell Block H.



Cathy Ménard isn't the most beautiful actress in the movie (that'd be "Marilyn Monroe lookalike" Olinka Hardiman), she doesn't have any scenes in the office with the talking parrot Mitterand (possible Django Kill influence?) or the priapic suit of armour which makes a funny noise when its cock pops up akin to the one made in Carry On movies when someone's tits would accidently pop out of their bra, and I can't tell you a damn thing about her other than she worked steadily from 1980 to 1985 according to IMDB and that she's Black & Decker pecker-wrecker who really knows how to look a bearded Frenchman deep in the eye as she sucks him off and look him even deeper in his Jap's eye as she furiously jerks his todger to climax. While I'd very much have liked Cathy to "tell me what the eighties like" none of this matters because her appeal is rooted in 3 specific areas which don't involve her getting porked : she has that Madame de Pompadour swag, she resembles of Keeley Hawes with a smidgen of the DHSS office bird in eighties Scouse-shitcom Bread, and she has mastery of glance and gesture in her non-sex scenes which are reminiscent of Karen Morley as Poppy in Howard Hawks's original Scarface movie from 1932 (anyone remember the nineties VHS reissue of that where they accidently printed a picture of George Raft on the cover instead of Paul Muni? Them Bulletproof Wallets-esque faux pas aren't just exclusive to rap, it seems):







She was the natural successor to Anna Karina, and I hope she retired wealthily like Olinka and didn't go out tragically like the homegirl Bodil.

Bonus beats :

Sir Menelik ft. Grand Puba & Sadat X - 7XL



Since I've already posted Lil B's Violate That Bitch with the "bitches suck my dick 'cause I look like a Frenchman" line, the only other tie-in to rap I can think of here is that if we ever do a crap-pun based post using European porn stars on Fat Lace then Sir Ménardlik will be my first contribution. This was the only song Ill Phil Collington made under the Sir Menelik pseudonym which wasn't a ghastly mess (Puba and Datty X cameos never hurt), and if you want an example of delusional rappers editing their own public webpages then look no further than the Sir Menelik page on Discogs where his profile states that he "Invented many lyrical styles that are often mimicked by his contemporaries including OutKast and Kool Keith".