Sunday, 28 February 2010

"Lemme tell ya sumthin', Mean Wayne.."





Since yesterday was the day John Terry celebrated his status as the most hated man in football by gettin' his wig done like Brian Knobbs from The Nasty Boys, mark today down in your diary as being the official day to watch Eazy E being interviewed by Tarrie B on Youtube :



4 things we learned from this interview :

1. Contrary to the cover of the Power Of A Woman tape which I jerked off to as a teen, Tarrie B looks less like Madonna as Breathless Mahoney in Dick Tracy, and more like Al Pacino as Big Boy Caprice in Dick Tracy.

2. Even though Tarrie was a cum-repository for every male Ruthless Records rapper and the original Everlast in terms of embarrassing genre-hopping in the nu-metal era, her RUTHLESS BITCH coach jacket was pretty damn fly.

3. That black ppl loved Guns 'N' Roses even though they only ever had 3 good songs and were make-up wearing fagz in choked up Reebok high-tops.

4 Eazy could do that thing where he turns his eyelids inside out that this kid we knew called Spastic John always used to do on the bus to scare kids.

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

I hate smart chicks but i love brains # 6

Oh, you didn't know we got that fashion clout, son? We say "Jump!" and chix reach for their trampolines. If you're a doubting Thomas then we refer you to how Chantal Hadley reverted back to her semi-quiff thing on monday's episode of University Challenge after disparinging remarks about her new hairdoo in the comment section of our last post about her. My mans Bradley and James were the first to pipe up, but it was 2Shin who got of the crux of the problem :

2SHIN said...
I got mad love Chantal but I'm just not feeling that hair at all. It looks like the type of barnet Paul Weller would have.


Then :



Now :



But I digress, as this was possibly the best battle of this series so far, which came down to a last question tiebreaker which unfortunately saw Chantal, Tom Thpeller, and the two indie-kid geeks ejected from the competition, and thus our tv screens, for good. It's been real, guys 'n' gal, so we bid you adieu until you hopefully heed our advice and rope Chantal's fittest mate in to appear as a team on Eggheads.



Crazy tension, kicko.

And speaking of final farewells, we finish tonight with our second generic tribute for a dead rapper of 2010 so far as we wave cheerio to Chilly B from Newcleus who died yesterday. Never understood you dudes who prefer Jam On It to Computer Age (Push The Button), though. The fuck are you all thinking?

Newcleus - Computer Age (Push The Button)

Sunday, 21 February 2010

Reasons why I love Youtube # 9

Because you can find Suga Free's first video from 1992 when he went by the name of Royal Rock on there.

Royal Rock - Pure Pimp



Suga free visiting the barber in a curl bag to get his perm done, cadillacs, pool parties, plenty of upskirt shots of various hoodrats doubled with shots of thonged assholes jiggling in the air, some token cracker in a Champion tee, and a fine example of pre-G Funk 1992 gang$ta-rap where the bass was in effect but there was still a slight east coast influence with a James Brown sample made famous by BDP.

I was gonna say that this was the main cut on the Royal Rock Pure Pimp EP but that'd be stretching the truth because the mix on there is slightly different to this with no female warbling or synthesized Funky Worm type melody. This superior version is generally known to Suga Free fanboys as the video mix and no CD-Q version of it currently exists. It's because it's not actually featured on the Pure Pimp EP that I've never been tempted to procure a copy of it. Well, that and because it usually goes for around the $200 mark on the rare occassions it does pop up online. I'd be willing to pay $100 if the video mix was on there, but the regular version? No higher than $50.

As DJ Quik's Snoop type figure and the heir to Eazy E's throne as the king of jheri-curled misogynistic gangsta-rap, I'm sure Suga Free leads a busy life where he doesn't have the time to vanity google search white 30-something dudes from Europe salivating over his obscure early releases on blogs, but if by chance he does ever come across this post, then here's a quick plea : Suga - please reissue a deluxe remastered version of the Pure Pimp EP on cd with the video mix on it and sell 'em yourself online for $20 a pop. You'll go gold off the sales from Norweigians alone.

Thursday, 18 February 2010

Great songs from forgotten rap albums part 12



B.G. Knocc Out & Dresta - Life's A Puzzle



I'm guessing that precisely 99.9 % of the readers of this blog reside somewhere where it's currently cold, grey and grim out, so what better way to indulge in some sun-kissed escapism than a lurvely G-Funk number by Eazy E's pals B.G Knocc Out & Dresta? If you thought rappers sympathizing with any ol' scumbag just because they're bruddermen was a modern phenomenom (think : Skillz and his "And it's a damn shame what THEY did to Michael Vick" line from his '07 rap-up) then check out B.G. Knocc Out urging O.J to "keep his head up" here. Anyone up for an experiment where we tell rappers that Hitler's mother was African before asking them for their feelings on holocaust survivor statistics?



Positive K - How The F**k Would You Know?



When I started doing this whole series I swore that I'd stay clear of any obvious, heavily jocked on message boards and boom-bap blog 90s NYC rap albums as the whole concept of the slept-on rap album on the 'net had become an ever decreasing circular discussion which usually concluded with someone saying "Yeah, and what about Nine's 2nd album too?". But sometimes you've just gotta give it up for something from the played-out slept-on east coast canon. Maybe it's the "Chinese girls they call me Dick Swing-Lo" line, or maybe it's the always sublime Just Kissed My Baby sample. All I'm certain of here is that I've been bumpin' this song since I bought Pos's The Skillz Dat Pay Da Bills tape on the same day in late 1992 I also procured a copy of Cube's The Predator and it still makes me go Daaaaamn.



Begetz ft. Half-A-Mil & AZ - Cold Outside



If you're one of the 4 people who reside outside the Perimeters of Brooklyn familiar with Begetz, then you either know him from when he appeared in Above The Rim, or his truly embarrassing dis track to Nas he had out a few years ago. Whichever is the case you weren't missing nada if you ignored his AZ hosted (ie. he appeared on the cover and on 1 song) Ghetto Pass album from 2007. Me? I actually shelled out £5.99 for this shit due to the AZ rope-a-dope (remember this was the point when AZ had come off 2 fine albums and one of the best themed remix albums ever), and because I couldn't find a downloadable link to it anywhere at the time. But I don't regret spending a single penny of that 5 pounds and 99 pence because I love the cheap soul-sample stylings and rags-to-riches theme of Cold Outside like I love a good steak or the news that Ashley Cole will be out for months with a broken ankle. The key to situations like this is that you just have to trick yourself that you've bought a killer one track 12" rather than an otherwise appalling 18 track cd and the feeling of being ripped off quickly disipates.



Juvenile - Krooked Kops



Like pretty much everyone who got into Juve sometime inbetween 400 Degreez and Tha G Code, the first time I heard Juve's pre-Cash Money material on the cobbled together Playaz Of Da Game compilation Ca$h Money Records put out in 2000 was comparable to the time I saw the first season of The Simpsons after getting into the show somewhere around the fourth season : a trip with the different voices and lo-fi production values, but you can see glimpes of the greatness to come. Krooked Kops was from the era from when the Geto Boys were the Pied Pipers of the south leading everone else down various flights of fancy and, as it stands, it's a pretty damn good retread of Crooked Officer down to Juve's rapping which you can get your Office Space on to in Scarface's voice, the catchier-than-the-monkey-in-Outbreak chorus and the pure Till Death Do Us Part era N.O Joe sounding country funk.

Anybody know where Krooked Kops and the similar joints off here like Jivin' originally appeared? They weren't on the D.J Jimi album which Bounce For The Juvenile etc appeared on, nor where they on Juve's debut Being Myself, so where'd they come from?

EDIT : Christ, I've only just realised that it's actually DJ Jimi rhyming on Krooked Kops, innit?



Young Jeezy - That's What's Up



Continuing the above theme, hearing Jeezy's 2003 debut Come Shop Wit' Me after getting into Jeezy sometime around Boyz 'N' Da Hood/Trap Or Die in early 2005 was akin to going back to watch the first series of Seinfeld after you got into it around season three : the main star looks different and hasn't quite grown into character yet, everything feels cheaper, it hasn't quite adapted to the format yet, little touches make it feel quaintly dated (in this case appearances by Bonecrusher and Lil' Jon), and it even has has Claire The Waitress type characters in weed carriers who were never heard from again like 11/29 and Fidank, but at its best it's unmistakedly the basis for what you fell in love with a couple of years later. Jeezy rapping over a Love Rap inspired beat and flipping a classic Rakim rhyme for the intro automatically bestow this with the award for being my favourite tune on Come Shop Wit' Me, but it's the "I know what you're thinkin' : this n*gga here can't rap a lick/but yo' lady in yo' Chevy bumpin' my sheeeeeeit" and "I ain't tryna be funny but how'm I respect y'all/when half the hoes I know ridin' better than y'all?" lines which really make this that shit. Who knew Jeezy had a sense of humour?

Did anybody ever discuss the possibility that Mac Dre, who was regularly doing shows around ATLanta in 2003, heard this and ripped off the hook for his own That's Wusup track in 2004, or was it merely a case of coincidence? And speaking of Mac Dre....



Mac Dre - So Hard



Since Mac Dre's discography is so vast some of his albums have tended to slip between the cracks to everybody other than the most dedicated fiends for Bay shit. Generally, these tend to be the albums from 2000 - 2002 which don't have vaguelly amusing pun-based titles, and their slept-on status isn't exactly a tragedy of Profit getting cancelled after one season proportions as most of them are pretty awful. But, and it's a huge but, it's always worth trawling through twelve shit songs to find those two gems when you come across somehing like So Hard, which is my favourite type of Mac Dre track : an exotic sounding aspiration for la dolce vita imbued with a slight sense of sadness. A Dre-ed out Juicy, basically.

Monday, 15 February 2010

Filipino Frank : what happened next



Since our post about Immortal Technique and Filipino Frank proved to be popular, we decided to find out what exactly happened to Frank after his ill-fated suicide attempt. Turns out he's still alive, out of the mental ward, living off some kind of lavish military discharge pension in Florida and back posting on UGHH.com under a veritable smorgasbord of usernames.

But the obligations attendent on rap message board legends known for beating up underground rappers in front of their own fans are no joke; fellow posters can be a fickle bunch and, really, how can you ever top headbutting Immortal Technique and then kicking him down the stairway entrance to Fat Beats NYC? Well, you could use your new found freetime and wealth to procure the services of 'net whores, pregnant hookers and trannies, and then film them as Frank is now doing on the UGHH.com general discussion board. We haven't watched any of them as we saw Frank's chipolata dick enough times when he'd spam the board with pictures of it and we need to see it again like we need extra wisdom teeth, but you've gotta admit that his ruminations on the appeal of trannies is, at the very least, interesting :

"I don’t know if im gay or not. Ive paid 35 regular hooker girls in my life. And fucked 45 girls in my life. And 1 tranny. Im not sure if im gay or not. Im going through a sexual crisis. But I loved fucking that tranny. It gave me peace. It felt so good and amazing that a girl that good looking has a cock. Im fucking fascinated by that."



If you really must investigate his first, pun very much intended, full-blown tranny experience then you can find it here. Even the account of it posted was a little too graphic for us to not skim through but the we're kinda feelin' the smoothness of the post-coital transaction :

"I pop a smoke in my room. She comes out fully dressed. I go to the microwave where I stashed the 200 bucks then I give it to her."

Luckily, Frank's slide into depravity has also yielded some slightly non gay Youtube friendly video footage where he chronicles his relationship with some Janis Soprano lookin' Wildebeest called Iris from the time they chat on webcam, to her making a 2 hour flight to Florida for sex, to her inevitable rambling nutjob break-up phone messages :









You ol' heartbreaker, you. Frank, you've knocked out a rapper and sucked the cock of another man for internet lulz, now it's time to fulfill your destiny by combining the two incidents : fly to New York, find famed Vordul snuffer Will High and have sex with him.



You can fight politically naive rappers, but you can't fight fate, Frank. Go forth, warrior.

Doesia Click - Shout Outs To Da Insane

Friday, 12 February 2010

A brief guide to the best Big Noyd tracks from 2004 - 2010



The greatest tragedy of Prodigy rediscovering his mojo in 2006 wasn't that he managed to get himself locked up right at the peak of his renaissance (*1) since that provided us with moments of platinum LOLz via his caps lock blog posts (stop biting Necro's typing-style, though, kicko), but that weed-carrier duties on his joints were now assigned to a bum like Un Pacino instead of the QB cameo king himself, Big Noyd. Imagine Noyd comin' through on Un Pacino featuring tracks like 7th Heaven or Field Marshall P to demolish shit like he did on every M.O.B.B related song he ever appeared on and weep thug tears for a.w.o.l dunnz with gunz.

Noyd will never put out anything close to a, say, The Realness by Cormega (though Only The Strong is a pretty consistent set), but all of his releases contain moments of greatness right up to his latest Queens Chronicles platter which came out last month to complete indifference. Shit, we didn't even see Robbie over at Unkut mention it and he's probably readying up a post with a new Maze-'N'-Mussolini reunion mp3 right this second.

Because I do care, and because I'm willing to roll my sleeves up to do the dirty work, here are the highlights from Noyd's last 6 albums, starting with 2004's On The Grind and climaxing with 2010's Queens Chronicle.



Big Noyd - Hoody Like That (On The Grind, 2004)

That bassline, bro - whoa. Usually when you check out a Big Noyd album, you head straight for the Havoc and Alchemist produced joints, but you can also generally rely on Ric-Rude to hook Noyd up with thumpers befitting of both Noyd's greatness and a dude who named himself after one of my favourite wrestlers. R.I.P to the Ravishing one; you had the most bitchin' moustache and mullet double-whammy ever, man. Big Noyd - Stick Up Kid (The Stick Up Kid, 2006) If Ante-Up is the sound of M.O.P stomping the shit out of you as they rob you, then Stick Up Kid is the sound of Noyd creepin' up on you before he does you like Cam'Ron did the dude he dragged out of the car in Paid In Full. Big Noyd - Snitches (The Co-Defendants Volume 1, 2007) The other day two of the Martorialist crew found ourselves being harrassed by a yout' shouting "DON'T SPEAK TO NO FIVE-O". We livin' trife too, bruv (we always bumrush disabled W.Cs because they're usually cleaner and then piss in the sink in to avoid having to touch the toilet seat or handle), we were just asking for directions because everybody we previously asked in your city was a slackjawed mong. Big Noyd - Heartless (Illustrious, 2008) Noyd has made two solo songs during the last decade which are as good as Recognize And Realize Part 1. One was Shoot 'Em Up (Bang Bang), the other was this. An Infamous hankerchief sounds like the best accessory ever. Big Noyd - Family (Street Kings, 2008) Big Noyd - Queensbridge's answer to Peggy Mitchell. Big Noyd - Pokerface (Queens Chronicle, 2010) It kinda sounds like he recorded the vocals to this inside an empty Evian bottle, but Noyd and a piano sample are always gonna equal a dutty Q.B thumper. (*1) I don't mean merely musically, as i'm also including Prodigy's viral video where he sat in his hummer casually insulting the likes of Joe Budden, Jim Jones, Hell Rell and Fat Joe, and the amazing Sub 0 DVD mini-documentary about his static with Lake/Lakey The Kid where both rappers explained their take on the evening where Prodigy got knocked out and had his chain snatched by Sherm The Worm, before calling each other faggots and threatening each other with violence. "N*gga, fuck you and your muscles, n*gga. I'll shoot you in one of your muscles, n*gga"
Free P!

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

Mall rat (rare Mac Mall track from 1994)



Mac Mall - Soak Some Dope



An non-album exclusive by Mac Mall from the Sic Wit Tis CD EP. Production by Khayree and perhaps a touch darker than anything on Illegal Business or Untouchable.

Squelchy bass being used as a lampost by whiney synths to urinate over, Mac Mall in his prime equating the rap game to the drug game years before it became a cliche, and all gift wrapped with a bow in less than 2 minutes and 10 seconds - where had this song been all my life until I came across the CD version of the Sic Wit Tis EP a couple of months back, and why wasn't this shit on the 12", too? Bastards.

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Reasons why I love Youtube # 8



Because it confirms that the spirit of Chris Needham's legendary thrash band Manslaughter still has a pulse and now resides in Argentina under the banner of Gauchos. Damn, metal-nation - Gauchos sailed over to the kingdom of Hades on a car door and done murked all y'all with all y'all own shit. Not since Isaac Hayes and Faith No More have we seen someone knock out a myriad of cover versions which make the originals sound superfluous in comparison. Hit us wit' dem riddim stix, boyz :

Gauchos - Refuse/Resist (Sepultura)



I'd quickly like to take this oppurtunity to clarify that when I wore snow-camo kecks at the age of 14 it was because of Public Enemy and Christian Slater in Gleaming The Cube, not because the Cavalera brothers from Sepultura also wore 'em, capiche? Anyway, lil' man on the right looks like Guy Mariano in Ban This here and can play the same guitar my nan bought me for my 16th birthday better than I ever could, which isn't particularly difficult since I couldn't play a note and mainly used it to pose with in front of the mirror when jamming out to Kyuss and Born Again$t.

Gauchos - Paranoid (Black Sabbath)



Where'd the third dude come from and why's he singing instead of lil' Argie Guy Mariano? I 'unno, I can't really listen to Black Sabbath anymore after being subjected to the Osbourne family on tv over the last decade. I want my doom-metal heroes to stay within the realm of Planet Caravan, thank you very much. You don't get Wino from The Obsessed/Saint Vitus's kids making shit electro-pop videos based on Godard's best movie (fair play to Kelly's stylist that day for keeping a straight face when telling her that, yes, love, you really do look like Anna Karina) or doing ITV reality shows about bungee jumping, and you'd never get Scott Reagers's wifey judging a reality show where she puts all her faith in some paddy kid with the nom de plume of Tabby, who fancied himself as the singer from Lost Prophets, but was more reminiscent of Danny Kendall from Grange Hill with a bottle of hair dye, a pair of distressed flares from River Island, and a bunch of accessories procured from the adverts at the back of Kerreng.

Gauchos - Walk (Pantera)



Now with grown-out wigpieces, Gauchos rip this shit with thunder which was lacking from Pantera's original version. Did any rappers ever kick any Dimebag Darrell lines or was a metal guitarist gettin' popped onstage by a fan a bit too obscure for the average rapper in 2005? I'm sure if it were 2010 when Dimebag got his cap peeled, then Joe Budden and Crooked I would've spent the morning after it arguing with each other on webcam over who could kick the first freestyle with a "blunts get smoked like Dimebag" or "got my brains blew like Dimebag" punchline.

Gauchos also do some Iron Maiden covers, but I never understood the appeal of t'Maiden. What? I like my metal all riffs and sandpapered vocals, not widdley-widdley guitar solos and yodelling.

On a metal related ending note, those 2 new High On Fire songs are purdy damn good, so I'm now officially amped for their forthcoming Snakes For The Divine album.

Sunday, 7 February 2010

Greatest movie scenes ever # 26



Editing that's as sharp as anything in Point Blank, a study of perfectly framed human facial expression as potent as anything Leone ever did, a succinct demonstration of how reality can come along and crush your dreams in one finely timed side-step, probably the best example of cock-blocking you'll ever see, and a movie which somehow made Paulie Shore tolerable - is Encino Man a misunderstood 90s classic with loftier aspirations than it's given credit for?

Big Pun - Dream Shatterer

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Songs I've been jammin' this week

Mac Dre - Dipped When They See Me



If there's specific sub-genre of rap I'm all up on like a knat on a dog's dick (no Bodil Joensen), it's exotic Egyptian soundin' rap. 'Twas born back in the mid 80s with Egyptian Lover and tracks like Triple Threat by the Z3 MC's, and then disappeared until the noughties when it was revived by Mac Dre with tunes like So Hard and Dipped When They See Me, before Prodigy became the most effective exponent of it circa NHIC 2 with a lil' help from Sid Roams and Alchemist. I'm pushing for a full-scale trend in '010 and hoping Prodigy will emerge from jail to do a tune with Big Noyd over the music from the Amstrad CPC 464 version of Oh Mummy.

John Carpenter & Alan Howarth - Transient Hotel



The great thing about John Carpenter soundtracks on vinyl is that they sound great played at 33 or 45 RPM, but the great thing about Carpenter soundtracks in general is that, although the music would always be tailored to the movie in question (the They Live soundtrack soundtrack from which this comes contains nods towards Western incidental music and Ry Cooder), his whole trademark synthesizer steez would always be intact. Seriously, how can you go wrong with a John Carpenter soundtrack cut which was set to a magic sunglasses wearing Rowdy Roddy Piper roaming around town blasting undercover aliens and brawling with Keith David?

Michael Sembello - Maniac



Some people rewatch Flashdance for the Rock Steady Crew scene, but my reasons for any subsequent views have always been for the 'yatches in lyrca and the 2nd greatest UK number one by a US artist in the 80s after Easy Lover by Philip Bailey ft. Phil Collins, which is a considerable accomplishment given that it's up against the likes of Call Me by Blondie, Candy Girl by New Edition, Billie Jean, 19 by Paul Hardcastle, Into The Groove by Madonna, and Jack Your Body by Steve "Silk" Hurley. Thank fuck for 80s pop or I could never put anything on jukeboxes in 95% of northern pubs without getting jeered by the regulars for inflicting "monkey music" or "fucking sweat music" on the place.

Doug E. Fresh - Back In The Dayz



Man, Eard and I had been looking for this for years after hearing it on a Funk Flex radio show from 1993, but had all but given up ever finding it as we'd concluded it was some promo exclusive 1 copy only Doug hooked Flex up with until Step One came through with the info that it was the b. side of a 12" made during Doug's tenure with MC Hammer's Bust It Records imprint and a complimentary mp3, which will do just fine until the 12" of it I snagged off eBay on sunday morning arrives. Doug rhyming over classic breaks in 1992 is similar to Nas rhyming over a played-out sample like J.B's The Boss in 2002 : you want to hate it on principle alone because it's so lazy, but the result is just so dope that you can't help but get down to it like you're Teen Wolf at the prom.

The Freeze - Refridgerator Heaven



Okay, it's not quite the MrChiCity video which got us all open back in 2008, but it's as good as any of the Freeze songs on This Is Boston Not L.A or Violent Arrest, which is no mean feat as Violent Arrest features the best back-up vocals in the history of recorded music. How can you even describe them? The closest comparison I can come up with is HBK doing kareoke performances of Joe Denunzio from Infest.

B.G - I Want It



Simply because it's the best non-Mannie produced, post-classic-era single by a (former) Ca$h Money Records artist not based on a song from U.N.L.V's Uptown For Life album, or not featuring The Clipse and The Neptunes at their '02 - '03 peak.

Andre Williams - Jailbait



Motorhead - Jailbait



It's not dodgy to think that the hottest Jody Foster ever looked was as Iris in Taxi Driver if it's actual factz, is it? Just because Sport said she was 12 years old it doesn't mean it's actually true, because Sport was a lying junkie pimp who wore his kecks pulled up to his adam's apple. She could've been much older. Like 13. Anyhoo, long before the likes of Michael, Gary, Pete and Robert were getting busted for diddling pre-pubescents, 50s R&B singers like Andre Williams and and 70s/80s NWOBHM bands who ended up knockin' out wrestler entrance themes like Motorhead were waxing lyrical about the joys and perils of Lollitas without grass on their lady-gardens.

Curtains - Exodus



Even though he annoyingly spells his name out like my teenage nephew texts, I like Curtains because he sorta reminds me of Grand Puba, and his business modus operandi is kinda comparable some late 90s indie rapper, only he's replaced 12" singles with Youtube viral video singles. He leaked an mp3 of this around the same point he also leaked Genesis so I slept on this one until a video appeared for it last week and I awoke from my slumber to chalk this one up as another banger. Note to rappers : more songs with Doo-Wop samples plz.

Monday, 1 February 2010

Reasons why I love Youtube part 7

Because you can quickly verify that the rumour about James Jebbia being a child actor who was in Grange Hill in the 70s is, in fact, true, even if you don't own the first series on dvd.



3:19 - 3:37 is the best glimpse of Double J as Tommy Watson.





For whatever reason Jebbia only lasted the first series before he was replaced by another actor called Paul McCarthy as the face of Tommy Watson. McCarthy then went on to have a long thespian career with post-Grange Hill roles in Tucker's Luck in 1981 and, erm, an episode of The Bill in 2004.

Some people have scoffed about a British kid actor like Jebbia going on to run the ultimate NYC street brand but they done got shit all twisted because it makes perfect sense when you think about it : from Tucker and Benny to A-Ron and Harold.



I dunno what's on BBC2 sunday mornings nowadays, but if they start showing Grange Hill repeats from the very beginning again then I'm there with the swiftness.

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