Friday, 30 July 2010

I don't mean to be rude, but The Fat Boys ate up the food!

Sit down and relax
turn off your Beta Max
and let me tell you how the Fat Boys ate up the food
they came with their refridgerator and broke into my house
ate everything out the cabinets, even took the cheese from the mouse
so send me some money 'cause I am hungry
now I don't mean to be rude
but The Fat Boys ate up my food
HELP!


J.D.L of Coldcrush Brothers - The Fat Boys Ate Up The Food



They laid everything on the table, then they grabbed their knife and fork
then then dug in with a smile & grin, and said "L, pass the salt"
they grilled all the steaks
devoured sixteen cakes
then after that they had the nerve to dog my saucer plate
somebody send me some money 'cause I am hungry
now I don't mean to be rude
but The Fat Boys ate up my food


Long-forgotten amswer/dis record to The Fat Boys by J.D.L of The Coldcrush Brothers and produced by O.C Rodriguez Jr. AKA Master O.C of The Fearless Four. If any one song typifies the resentment the original Bronx rappers had towards the second and third wave of non-Bronx rappers who came out in '83 and '84, it'd probably be this.

This is also a great example of the terrible business and creative decisions that Coldcrush made as recording artists, as it's J.D.L making an answer song to The Fat Boys in 1986 when The Fat Boys's popularity had begun to wane due to the ubiquity of the Def Jam power-houses that were LL and the Beasties, and the appearance of singles from a new breed of rappers like Ultramagnetic MC's, Eric B. & Rakim, B.D.P, and Kool G. Rap & DJ Polo. Not quite a bad decision of Royce blowing up the spot about ghostwriting for Dre on the verge of signing to Aftermath calibre, but still not a particularly good move for J.D.L to make, eh? At least you've got always got Fresh, Wild, Fly, And Bold as your one classic record* where the stars aligned for you, Coldcrush members.

It kinda bangs, though, and I really wouldn't say no to a copy of it. Not for the £30 the one copy on Discogs is currently going for, mind. £12 and £3.50 p+p tops.

* I don't consider the equally great Feel The Horns a real Coldcrush song since Grandmaster Caz isn't on it.

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

White raps, the internet responds

So, we've been talking about the Codename video by Jeezy's newest signing to CTE White in the comment section to my white rapper appreciation post, and I think we've all come to the conclusion that a 40-something southern caucasian Crip rapper whose 3 main influences in life appear to be Drexel from True Romance, Jeezy's '04/'05 heyday, and Ted Dibiase's entrance video is a game changing moment that we'll all be able to look back on in 30 years time and tell our grandchildren where we were when we first heard it in 2010. Has the genre of Rap merely been treading water since the release of Rapper's Delight in 1979 awaiting the arrival of White? I'm not sure, but White is Crippin' so damn hard that even his chauffeur-driven vintage car has a blue rag hanging off the left side.

White - Codename



But what does the rest of the internet think about it? Let's find out :

Godlord3
1 month ago
one month later this is still the best song this year


tray1987
2 days ago
who the fuck would sign this white piece of shit no offense


NewEraGamersTV
3 days ago
i can actually call this white boy a nigga. He must have done some real shxt


neqquah
5 days ago
what's sad is that he's actually a better than a lot of these "trap rappers" like Waka Flocka and OJ Da Juiceman


krieightive
1 week ago
seriously??????????


hgt2008
2 weeks ago
I'd beat the metal out of this wiggers' mouth!


topnotch357
3 weeks ago
I don't know why all these people hating on white for, questioning the homie if he real crippen or not,. most of you internet thugs on youtube aint never even see real gangsta shit. and no getting into a fight in high school dont count too cuzz. props to white, keep it up.


buckeye257
3 weeks ago
This shit whack as hell, this dude got gray hairs in his goatee! he's trying to get on at 40yrs old please.


mistawhoady
3 weeks ago
to yall that dont know this boy is straight street certified if yall wanna talk smack go to ATL till then get the fuck off whits nuts.... swisher filled with strong


MrSly2690
4 weeks ago
is this dude 50 or a drug addict
and also whats with them packing huge bars green soap in bags lol


mrperfect390
1 month ago
man fuck dat im gone hate i hate white boy rappers 4 every dirty ass white boy rapper theres like 10 blackboys with 2xs the skills waiting 2 blo if dat white boy was 2 bring anything threw 2 me coke or weed id beat his dreads to a mullet then take his shit


MsSmokey1985
1 month ago
Ok I gotta say it I have known this kid since middle school he is not from the hood he just an avg kid that sold bud like all the rest of us did his voice doesnt even sound like that at all I thought he was kidding when i saw this, several people who have known him watched and laughed it is so comical, his gray hair is probably from diabetes he has had since we were kids but dont let him fool ya I have punked him he is ridiculous for doing this i am still in shock it isn't a joke!


rrr31
1 month ago
Yo flocka sucks and he should be killin your ass for copin his style. Take a fucking shower. Tell your driver to drive you off a fucking cliff bro. Smoke rap poison. SPend all your money on a huge gun and blow your goddamn head off. Reach G20. Get stopmed Fool. KCE MUH FUGGAH


barbiesandninjas
1 month ago
HAHAHAHAHAHA


firelord9000
1 month ago
yeeeee ghetto white rapper!! going back to 2002 8)


shutupashley
1 month ago
LoL @ the lyrics

Wonder how many STD'S he has from fucking black bitches.

Black people are born with them right?


Jibeker
1 month ago
I really think Jeezy was trolling the rap world when he brought this guy into his crew.


onyxdiamond7
1 month ago
black women stop acting like white women and put some damn clothes on. the white man has fucked you and thrown you away, and now our men are doing the same damn thing. respect yourself! white people pimped our asses out and now we just keep the shit up while they sit back and laugh at our dumb ass. Wake up!


youngstatssti14
1 month ago
ROFL!! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THIS BULLSHIT!!! FAIL BOAT!!!


505ShadowLocs
1 month ago
he haz no teeth
fuckin dizgrace too


boognish1975
1 month ago
It's like Pippi Longstocking's ugly older sister.


LTforever123
1 month ago
lose tha dreads nigga!!!!


MichellesPoontang
1 month ago
He's as hard and talented as any black rapper, even sounds black, can be Screwed and Chopped, but because black folks hate "whitey" they are embarassed to be shown up in their own style


MrKylePattison
2 months ago
can white people even be crips?


bino19
2 months ago
This dude real u can tell cause half his beard is white that means he almost got killed got a homeboy that was almost killed and his half his beard and one eyebrow turnd white and he was a real mothufuckin d-boy


ExclusiveHits
2 months ago
LMFAOOOOOO, Look at that intrepid on walmart rims at 2:28


hoodbootylover
2 months ago
WHATS DUDE MYSPACE? THIS SHIT GO HARD!


601already
3 months ago
this guy is a sex offender thats why he use a code name


Grahamhakala
3 months ago
first you get the money, then you get the women, then you get the code name.


561400
3 months ago
were u download dis track


Martorialist readers who liked this video may also like the videos to 37 Bars and Taking Pictures

White - 37 Bars



White - Taking Pictures

Monday, 26 July 2010

Great rap songs by caucasoids



Are you a 40-something white male from the UK or Germany who thinks Dr Dre became worthless after The World Class Wrecking Crew disbanded? Was seeing K-Klass live in 1990 the cultural highpoint of your life post-1987? Do you need a little corner of the internet to make "Black people can have the MOBO awards, so how come we'd be racist if we had the Music-Of-White-Origin awards?" threads of your very own which will receive completely straight-faced answers agreeing that, yeah, it's totally unfair? If so, step this way, gents, because Electroempire.com is your new manor.

Please understand that I'm not just saying this because I managed to blag an mp3 of the Aux 88 remix of Electronic Warfare by Underground Resistance from there, but maybe the aged ravers of Electro Empire do have the slightest quiver of a point on that third issue. The rap blogosphere is effectively 85 - 90% made up of a perpetual Who Is Most Sympatheic To The Plight Of The Black Man? pissing contest between self-loathing pilgrims who despise their own, so perhaps it's time to show some love to the poor whizzite rappers with their awkward Dan Ackroyd sounding voices and their laughable attempts at talking tuff.

Because we're all about equality here at The Martorialist, here's 10 great songs by my cracka-ass-crackas. Nothing by House Of Pain because they were shit and Everlast is the male Tarrie B, nothing by Cage because I don't have mp3s of 54 or either of the songs from the first Smut Peddlers 12" (Mighty Mi production > Necro production), nothing by El-P because he's a ginger who raps like John Barnes on World In Motion, nothing by Milkbone because Big L's ghost pretty much owns the rights to Keep It Real now, and nothing by Necro because I've never sacrificed any of my pets, except perhaps the stick insects I had in junior school who started eating each other when I put together them in the same bowl. Shit, I didn't know that was going to happen.

Beastie Boys - Posse In Effect



So, The D.O.C cruelly had his vocal chords crushed in his prime, DMC now sounds like a 93 year old cigar smoker and MCA ended up with throat cancer, yet Joe Budden quickly recovered from a polyp on his right lung? What sort of twisted world is this? Sen Dog must be absolutely bricking it right now. Anyway, you really shouldn't need me to explain the greatness of the Beasties from Cooky Puss to Paul's Boutique to you (they had their moments after, but they'd lost something in humour and bratty swag) when we have that clip from The Tube that Videothunder posted the other day.

R.A The Rugged Man - Stanley Kubrick



If there's a rule I live by when encountering fellow rap nerds it's : Never Trust Anyone Who Likes R.A's Crustified Dibbs Album, which is just the archetypal terrible unreleased album people sweat just because it's rare. R.A is the white rapper who was just godawful when he first came out (Cunt Renaissance aside, obviously) who suddenly got good and, with the exception of Yelawolf and the slight possibility of Bubba, the only one here still capable of making good music in 2010.

Bubba Sparxxx - Jimmy Mathis



Rap A&R's don't know what the fuck they're doing part 348765 : Interscope picking two dud singles in-a-row from Bubba's sophomore album with Back In The Mud and Deliverance despite the fact that it contained at least 3 potential monster hits in Jimmy Mathis (which even came out on 12", ffs), Like It Or Not with Sleepy Brown and Hootnanny with the Timberlake, all of which, I contend, would've blown up back in 2003 had his label released them as proper singles with videos instead. Speaking of Bubba 12"s, Disappear was an excellent Deliverance-era track which only made it to wax.

Eminem - Role Model



That Eminem and his multiple funny accents, eh? I suppose it's sorta impressive that he can rap in a flawless Pepe Le Pew tone, but I liked him best when he had that whole Puffy on the Dolly My Baby remix voice going on circa the Slim Shady EP/album.

T-Bo & Mike Da Hustla - #1 Headbusters



Anything I need to say about the O.G's of moonshine & rhinestones-rap, T-Bo & Mike Da Hustla, I already said in that plea for any No Limit era Curren$y post I made a couple of weeks ago.

Paul Wall ft. Big Pokey - Sittin' Sidewayz



Is there a more poignant symbol of racism being alive and well in modern America than The Peoples Champ ending up as the most solid album of the whole '05 Houston explosion ahead of the efforts by Slim Thug, Chamillionaire, and Mike Jones?

Edan - Emcees Smoke Crack remix



I wasn't really feeling much of his earlier '88-pastiche material or any his later "I've just bought the 2nd and 3rd Love LP's a copy of Nuggets!" Beauty And Beat era stuff, but the Emcees Smoke Crack remix is just a wonderful song that I can't imagine anyone else rapping over, and that's the litmus test to qualify as a peckerwood-rap classic.

Yelawolf - Pop The Trunk



So, Yelawolf is going for that whole Knockemstiff steez here, but I find it really difficult to take seriously when he's basically Ricardo from The Salon X the fauk-punk orientel floorsweeper from Miami Ink. That Trunk Muzik mixtape of his is a little overrated, but this is still a top 5 single of the year so far for me.

Young Black Teenagers - First True Love Affair



If YBT's first album didn't invite them enough ridicule, they only went and titled their second set Dead Enz Kidz Doin' Lifetime Bidz and spent its duration ripping off Naughty By Nature, Onyx, and House Of Pain. It's one good moment (and perhaps the only good song of their career) was First True Love Affair, which remains proof that flirtations with Disco can make literally anyone listenable.

Uninteresting rap fact of the day : YBT had a member called KamRon.

Goretex ft. Necro - DopeSick



What, you think I don't know that Goretex isn't white? Actually, I didn't until a friend pointed it out because all the Non Phixions members are interchangable tubby whiggas to me, but there's a rule we must observe on this one : if you're a member of Non Phixion and Necro produced most of your stuff, then you're white. I don't care if you're Idris "Driis" Elba or Clarence Seedorf, if you rap in a group with Ill Bill and the little one who nobody can ever remember the name of and Necro is responsible for most of your beats then you're a fucking saltine, son.

Pete Nice & Daddy Rich - Kick The Bobo



Only good Scarface pastiche in a rap video ever? It's certainly better than the Piggie & Buff intro to 2pac's 2 Of Amerikaz Most Wanted anyway. I wanted to end this post with Product Of The Environment by 3rd Bass, but Youtube only has the crap remix video, so Pete's solo Dre Day/Real Muthaphukkin' G's will have to do instead.

Berner - Well Connected



I initially didn't include anything by Berner on this because, even though I quite like him, I couldn't really think of anything by him which doesn't feature a Mob Figaz member or affiliate, but then Done mentioned him in the comment section and got me checking Youtube to see if he has got any solo stuff I like and I'm kinda feelin' Well Connected off his upcoming project with Messy Marv over the Dynasty intro sample now that I can't bring myself to ever listen to Jay-Z again. Oh wait, i forgot that Dipset freestyled over the Dynasty intro and are now the legal owners of that sample, so Berner loses this one. Sorry, pal.

Friday, 23 July 2010

The inevitable Razzle Romp tribute



I'm not sure whether the Razzle Romp was the first crap-pun/theme based multi-woman photoshoot series to appear in porn mags to emerge from the Paul Raymond stables, but they were the ones we certainly came across most frequently as teens, and they seem to be the most highly regarded/fondly remembered on the oracle of grot that is the Vintage Erotica forum. Essentially that place is the porn version of the T.R.O.Y Rap-nerd message board where you can find every obscure Rap release you'd ever or never want, only instead of finding the discographies of Brainsick Mob and L-Fudge, you have scans of old porn mag photoshoots and links to threads on the models with their real names and various pseudonyms, their other photoshoots, unseen pictures which were previously sold to European magazines and slightly dubious anecdotes about them visiting sex shops in Bradford and lapdancing clubs in Birmingham. Thankfully it's all delivered in an informative but jokey manner since some of the contributors appear to ex-porno writers/photographers as opposed to the "I HAD A WANK OVER THIS BIRD IN 1989 AND NOW WANT TO WALLPAPER MY HOUSE IN HER PICTURES AND TURN UP ON HER DOORSTEP TOMORROW MORNING AND ASK HER TO MARRY ME!!!!" sorta way you'd expect from a board for old porn mag completists. At least that's what I'm telling myself anyway as I plough through the Razzle Romp threads and crop pictures down with MSPaint.



Here in the U.K we were bound by strict anti-obsenity laws in the 70s, 80s and 90s which meant any type of hardcore sex was inadmissible in our porn mags and movies (any shots of oral or penetration were a no-no and magazines were forbidden from showing any pink or using certain words on their covers) and thus British porn ended up stuck in a softcore rut, dwarved by the products from the American (hardcore and exotic) and European porn (hardcore and full of taboo-breaking gimmicks involving animals, shit, piss and everything else you've ever heard Kool Keith fetishizing) porn industries of the time which were smuggled into the country for sale on the black market. So, as a slightly repressed country who could only really process sex in comedic terms (Benny Hill, Carry On movies, that Striptease competition video hosted by Bernard Manning and Sue Pollard which Dom has) we dealt with this combination of censorship and inadequacy the only way we knew how : we came up with some awful saucy puns before grabbing a handful of fancy dress costumes and a couple of buckets of slop and then got our kits off.





That's my theory anyway, and it's such creativity in spite of the most archaic obsenity laws in the western world which accounts for the Razzle Romp being the only porn I'm ever tryna crack a quick one off to nowadays despite potentially having the world of pornography at my fingertips. Razzle Romps are imaginative, fun and erotic, and, as anyone that's ever been talked into role play by a biploar chick with overwhelming daddy issues knows, that's an incredibly difficult unification to master. The sheer breadth of substances used in Razzle Romps is really quite staggering, though. Being already familiar with baked beans, eggs, flour, and custard, it didn't suprise me that yoghurt, whipped cream, jelly, and ice cream would also feature, but salad? Grapes being crushed to make wine? Clay? Silly string? Paint? That's your 5 Portions Of Fruit & Veg' A Day covered with enough mess left over to hold an 80s music themed Xmas party afterwards where everyone recreates the Hello video and that Stone Roses NME cover.





I've not seen a copy of Razzle since back in the 90s when we'd usually chip in for a copy from the late night garage on the way home from a pub or club and then use 95% of it to decorate someone's car with (slyly managing to shove the Romps and the other best couple of pages in your pockets when your accomplices weren't looking, obviously), so I had no idea that that there hasn't been a Razzle Romp since 1997 as the "Razzle-stack" position which would usually account for the valedictory Romp picture - a group of five or six girls laying on their fronts and stacked up on top of each other, with their arses and poons pointed towards the camera - was outlawed by the EU due to health and safery reasons since, I shit yee not, the girl on the bottom of the stack would often encounter breathing problems due to the weight of five or six other chicks on top of her. I swear I'm not making this up and I'm so flabbergasted by this revelation that I don't even have the energy to segue into something wrestling related where I'd embed videos of Yokozuna and Rikishi sitting on some unfortunate jobbers to close this post before exiting stage left pursued by bear and leaving you in the hands of a Kool Keith song from the Sex Style Unreleased Archives album.

Kool Keith - Spread 'Em

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

July's token monthly N.W.A related post



Ice Cube - It Was A Good Day remix



Rumour has it that the It Was A Good Day remix from the Check Yo Self remix EP is actually the original version of the song, but Ice Cube shat himself when Dre played him a pre-release version of The Chronic after they'd squashed their beef over the common-ground of their mutual hatred for Jerry Heller sometime around late summer 1992 and realised that his also-upcoming The Predator album didn't have any monster singles to compete with Dre Day, Nuthin' But A G Thang, and Let Me Ride, so he it hastily remixed by DJ Pooh to able able to keep neck-and-neck with Dre as the thenking of Gangsta-Rap. Like I say, this is all mere speculation which has never been officially verified by Cube or Pooh, but the vocals do sound at home on the beat and it seems awfully plausible when you consider that he also had Check Yo Self remixed into something far more accessible.

Ice Cube - It Was A Good Day



Obviously this was for the best as It Was A Good Day is a perfect Rap song and the biggest single of his career, but I can't help thinking it's a bit of a shame that the (alledged) original version ended up as just another superfluous 12" remix/future remastered cd bonus track when it's a luuurvely beat with those melancholy strings which pulls on your heart tubes as any vaguelly introspective Day-In-The-Life-Of.. Rap song should do, and lord knows Cube could've done with a few more beats like this on an album as patchily produced as Lethal Injection.

Bonus action :

Classic 4 part Eazy-E interview on Howard Stern during the promo-tour for It's On dissing Dre and proposing that he could beat the shit out of him and Snoop at the same time on Howard's New Years PPV, explaining the lyrics to Real Compton City G's to Howard, Robyn, and Jackie, talking about his multiple baby-mommas and when he deems it acceptable to hit a woman, and squirming when Howard invites his white record company stooges into the studio.

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Attn : 2Shin

Siobhan O'Dowd, whoadie.

E'ryone's entitled t'own opinion, as Siobhan herself says, and it's this blog's belief that Ms. O'Dowd deserves offical I Don't Care If You Wouldn't, I would status bestowed on her stank but still totally doable ass.



Whaddaya say, 2Shin?

Mr Fingers - Can You Feel It?



Original Concept - Can You Feel It?



From the days when sampling The Warriors wasn't utterly passe.

Friday, 16 July 2010

Wanted dead or alive # 3 : any No Limit era Curren$y shit

Curren$y ft. Nesby Phips - Prioritize


The Romans may have lived in an age where even the peasants were invited to glorious orgies and people in 2020 might have Tardis' with wood-grain consoles and 40" plutonium rims on them, but I'm just happy to be alive in the era when a new Mel Gibson & Oksana Grigorieva recording surfaces online every day and I can listen to the 320kbps leaked version of Curren$y's Pilot Talk album weeks before my import cd eventually turns up through the post. Out of the previously unleaked stuff from Pilot Talk, I'm not really hearing anything I like as much as Prioritize or Address, and he definately isn't rapping as well as he did on This Ain't No Mixtape where he rapped the arse off of Get It Ya Self or Scared Of Monsters and executed his chosen theme so well on Elevator Musik, but this is an impeccably produced album and I'm really looking foward to giving it a full length road test tomorrow night.

That's not this post is about, though; I've been trying to find some of Curren$y's No Limit era recordings for a while now to no avail as all Google searches bring up are lyrics or interviews where he mentions being on the label. Anybody got any links, or song titles, or information on his No Limit days? Is it really possible that there could be a Curren$y & C-Murder song out there somewhere?

In the mean time, the closest I've got to any sort of Curren$y-on-No-Limit-situation to appease my needs is his freestyle over 'Bout It, 'Bout It from the Smokee Robinson mixtape. Kinda funny that he's rhyming over the instrumental to/lyrically interpolating part 3 by Dipset instead of the Naw'leans classic part 2 by Master P & Mia X, but apt since only a one-eyed N.O purist could deny that part 3 is the definitive version of the song.

Curren$y - 'Bout It freestyle


* EDIT *

Thanks to the commenter SB for the info that Curren$y featured on the 2nd 504 Boyz album Ballers in 2002. Never bothered to check that album out before and this single completely bypassed me at the time since it was never played by Westwood and MTV Base or ever featured on Blastro.com AKA my 3 channels for discovering new non-Dungeon Family/Rap-A-Lot/Ca$h Money/8Ball & MJG/Three 6 Mafia/Ludacris southern-Rap in 2002. Look at young Curren$y in a red headband and a tall-tee sitting in one of P's Lambos and P riding an elephant :

504 Boyz - Get Back


You'll also spot T-Bo, No Limit's token post-Eminem cracka rapper, up in this video goin' spam (white ppl can't really go ham, can they?) as he appears to be the other new member of the 504 Boyz mk.2 alongside Curren$y (or Currency as he was known back then), Choppa, and some other No Limit third-stringers. T-Bo actually dropped the definitive cornrows-&-rhodium-fronts southern whigga-core opus when he released Who Dem Boys? with Mike Da Hustla before signing with No Limit. 'S all about the title track, Tore Up From Da Flo Up, #1 Headbusters, the Phil Collins interpolating I Hear Bullets and their semi-remake of U.N.L.V's classic Mystikal dis Drag Em Thru The River.

Classic ashamed-whigga-trying-to-fool-people-that-they-might-be-vaguelly-ethic move on the cover with them both having their backs turned to look racially ambiguous too. A tactic which would later be adopted by every single white rapper on Myspace trying to disguise the fact that they're actually caucasian, so T-Bo & Mike were pioneers in numerous fields :

Sunday, 11 July 2010

Great songs from forgotten rap albums # 14



Kam - Stereotype



Ice Cube's cousin Kam was basically Cube without the intelligence, humour and moments of profundity, but it'd be unfair to claim that he wasn't a decent rapper with a few really good songs, right? The Cube connection and the single Peace Treaty were enough to convince me to part with my money for the Neva Again tape in 1993, but this was the cut which had me with my finger on the rewind button. Stereotype was easily the fonk-iest thing on there and finds Kam rapping about, uh, black stereotypes 'n' stuff, but it doesn't suffer from any of the po-faced hectoring which permeates 90% of Kam songs; as Da Lench Mob's first album proved : rapping about hating whitey can and should be funny. Kam's not exactly Johnny Ball let alone Bobby Ball, but this is one of the few songs of his where where the power of FUNK! allows him to remove the stick from his ass, lighten up and get a little playful with his usually immalleable flow. Excellent usage of vocal samples on this too.



Master P - Bloody Murder



Had to dig Mama's Bad Boy out when Lil B's recent We Are The World reminded me of the acapella "we are the world, we are the dealers/we are the ones who sell crack cocaine, so let's start selling.." crooning on Psycho Rhymes from it. Percy's 2nd album from 1992 was my introduction to pre-'Bout It, 'Bout It Part 2 P after hearing the aforementioned song and Ohh Shit on J-Zone's Ig'Nant mixtape, but neither are close to being the best shit on there. Fuck A Bitch Cuz I'm Paid, Shoot 'Em Up, and Dope, Guns, And Pussy are all great in their respective ways (ie. sounding like low-budget NWA or Geto Boys rip-offs by a dude from Oakland), but the most unique cut is Bloody Murder which sees P establish some identity of his own. Okay, it's sorta Bushwick Bill or Ganksta Nip-ish, but with more abundant drug talk, and that squelchy beat is some proto-The World Is Yours/Till Death Do Us Part Swamp-Funk (C. Schoja). I'm guessing that's a Herbie Hancock-related sample?



Poor Righteous Teachers - Wicked Everytime



Damn, Wise Intelligent had that Takagi Kan from Major Force on De La's Long Island Wildin' style on this, the most bombastic song of Poor Righteous Teachers's career, only in words I could actually understand. Conscious Style with KRS and the single Word Iz Love are the most fondly remembered cuts from P.R.T's New World Order album at this point, but if there's a song on there which sums up what got me open to them when I heard Holy Intellect and Rock Dis Funky Joint 6 years earlier in 1990, it'd be Wicked Everytime. Allies was another potential P.R.T classic from New World Order, but it was unfortunately ruined by having The Fugees appear on it. Not even The Rock could make Wyclef listenable.



Lil' Slim - Gangsta Day



Lil' Slim's third album Thug'n & Pluggin' is a great example of post-bounce N.O Gangsta-Rap as Slim developed more of a taste for gun-talk and Mannie experimented with G-Funk. Neighborhood Terror and the pre-Juve era Ca$h Money Records posse track Time To Murder with Mr Ivan and Kilo G are both superb, but A-Day-In-The-Life-Of.. tracks (ie. Boyz 'N The Hood or It Was A Good Day are to me what young, dumb, blond Geordie club sluts were to Raoul Mort's dick so Gangsta Day is the one for me. This is not just any A-Day-In-The-Life-Of.. track, though, but a Mannie take on Summertime by Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince with Slim detailing the sort of trife activities even the neighbourhood hardrock dudes from west Philadelphia who caused Will to move to Bel Air would balk at.



Azie & Mobstyle - Up And Down Lenox



Yeah, I know : European rap bloggers posting Mobstyle songs is about as cliched as it gets, but at least this is something from the barely-jocked-on-the-blogosphere noughties album Blood On My Money put out under the moniker of Azie & Mobstyle and I feel justified in posting it as this album was impossible to find to buy or download back in 2003 and, as someone geeked off picking up the Azie & Alpo issue of F.E.D.S magazine and the bootleg of the Paid In Full movie on a trip to NYC in 2002, I used to listen to the 10 second snippet of this on Amazon over and over when it appeared on there a year later. When British lads make Youtube videos of themselves rapping about commiting crimes I find myself wishing this country had some sort of eugenics program in effect, but when former drug dealers and murderers from Harlem rap about their exploits I find it the most fascinating shit ever. This might be because I'm a hypocrite willing to forgive rappers for sins I wouldn't tolerate from anyone else (see : not being bothered by rappers making songs with any sort of Christian theme, when I sneer at any rock band who big-up Jesus other than Trouble and Talk Talk), but it's more likely because I find Dapper Dan suits more aesthetically pleasing than black McKenzie tracksuits and black Air Max 90s.

Anyhoo, this track is great and one of the new Mobstyle members who replaced Pretty Tone Capone sounds exactly like the one from Boo & Gotti who-doesn't-look-like-a-fat Memphis Bleek rapping like Cam'Ron circa Confessions Of Fire.

Bonus action :

Play Time Is Over by Mr Low Kash 'N Da Shady Bunch over on Fat Lace as part of their Rap Groups We Know Nothing About series.

Friday, 9 July 2010

Martorial Elegance # 44

July 9th 2010.

Mark that date down in your diaries or on your calenders as they day that the Chambray shirt or jacket/Barry chinos or jeans/Brogues or Sperrys era of male fashion which has dominated both da streetz and internet fashion sites over the last 12 months or so took two to the dome from a killer who bellowed "YU'LL NE'ER TEK UUZ, ALEEVE, COPP-AH!!" and hastily retreated into rural woodland. All y'all off-trend motherfuckers were pronounced dead at the scene before the ambulance even arrived because from this day foward, if you're not sporting a mohawk, a skin-tight sleeveless orange muscle-shirt, black jeans, and white trainers like Newcastle's most famous redhead since Spuggy from Byker Grove then, please, just stay in the house where we don't have to see you and your dated clothing, you repulsive nugget of prarie dog shite.



All these hoes take my kids and tell the po-po I'm a brute
/got the spandex t-shirt the same color Tropicana orange juice
Yeeeeeaaaaah!!! - We clap or die, copper


You're probably rolling your eyes and thinking to yourself that the Fashion Po-leese should also take pursuit of Raoul for his soooo obvious and passe Travis Bickle mohawk, and we'd agree with you if we honestly thought some juiced-up ape from Newcastle who lost his marbles over a 'yatch (Money.Over.Bitches, son) had ever seen Taxi Driver in the first place. No, Raoul's mohawk works on the level that he imagines he looks like this :



Oblivious to the fact that he actually looks like this :



This would probably be a good oppurtunity to post something Cop Killer by Body Count or something by pig-blasting rappers like Cool C or Steady B (preferably Juice Crew Dis or Just Call Us Def), but I'd prefer to end today's post with Wet Wipes by Cam'Ron which simply featured his "no singer, b/sling Heavy D/ready-rock/kill-a-cop, Steady B" line instead.

Cam'Ron - Wet Wipes

Sunday, 4 July 2010

Sticky Figaz AKA the birth of Mob Figaz

There were two choices for tonight's post : one was a Martorial Elegance extravaganza investigating dudes who are just that bit too ample to be squeezing themselves into tight jeans, and the other was a music post about where it all began for the Mob Figaz crew when they went by the name Mob Figgas and made their debut on C-Bo's Til My Casket Drops album in 1998. The Martorial Elegance post is still in development stages since I only really have the one good picture of a tubby guy in much-too-tight-for-him jean-capri pants currently at my disposal, so it's back to the 'Bo again.





C-Bo ft. Mob Figgas & 151 - Ride Til' We Die



C-Bo ft. Mob Figgas - Real N*ggas



C-Bo ft. Laroo, Lil' Bo & Mob Figgas - Big Gangsta



I'm guessing that most of us discovered the Mob Figaz sometime around 2005 with the release of The Jack Artist after maybe being alerted to Jacka when Barney (More Crime) was featured on Cormega's Legal Hustle compilation (a patchy album with a handful of good songs on it which is most notable for being one of the first rap releases to be cruelly but hilariously chopped up before it had even hit stores when some 'net-nerd removed all the verses by 'Mega's female sub-Foxy weed-carrier DoñA from the leaked version) the year before, so going back to the crew's first appearances on here from 1998 you imagine that they're probably going to sound like lil' Les on A Gangsta's Fairytale or New Edition since they must've been in their teens at the time but, nope, they all sound like the twenty-somethings they were on The Jack Artist. They also appear to have had a clear sense of identity from the very beginning with their whole Bay mob shit-meets-late 90s NY thug rap steez, because even though Til My Casket Drops is a is a resolutely west coast Gang$ta-Rap album (all your standard motifs are present right up to the of-the-era references to 2pac getting shot, Mike Mosley, Rick Ross, and One Drop Scott are behind most of the production, and there are appearances from E-40, Spice1, JT The Bigga Figga and The Outlawz, who i'm regrettably realising that I'm actually quite fond of), the Mob's heavy influence of late 90s NY rap like Nas & AZ, and CNN/Tragedy & solo Nore shines through on their 3 songs.

Ride Til' We Die is the pick of the bunch, and since it's one of the finer examples of a full-crew track it usually starts any Mob Figaz mix I make. I'm not sute I have the chutzpah to suggest that it's better than a series of pictures of fat lads trying to dress like Russell Brand, but it's pretty damn good and it'll just have to do tonight.

Bonus beats :

C-Bo - Til My Casket Drops



C-Bo's hardbody title-track from the album where he gave the Mob Figaz their break. I've posted this on here before back in early 2009, but since it's easily the best song on the album and my favorite 'Bo song after Realer Than Real it's getting another outing. This is that panoramic nightmare which scares the bejusus outta you G-shit, that Phil "The Power" Taylor level of dominance shit, and that better-than-pictures-of-fat-lads-dressed as Russell Brand shit all rolled into one. What it isn't, however, is that better than a picture of some girl in A.A wet-look leggings scratching her probably quite sweaty arse shit :

Friday, 2 July 2010

The 100 greatest movie insults of all time

Yet another reason why Youtube rivals Betfair.com and A.A wet-look leggings as the best invention of the last decade :



Bonus pwning-related beats :

KanYe West ft. Beanie Siegal & Freeway - Can't Tell Me Nothing remix



Remember when Beanie and Freeway were calling KanYe a little light-in-the-loafers in interviews because his sartorial steez ushered in the slimmer-cut era of hip hop fashion thus signalling the end for their State Property clothing line consisting of XXXXXXL hoodies and size 42" waist/28" hem carpenter jeans, but then quickly appeared on the remix for Can't Tell Me Nothing acting all buddy-buddy with him after KanYe responded saying that they used to be friends back in the golden-era Roc days and that he might give them a cheap beat or two if they stop being all insensitive and inconsiderate of his feelings? Well, it's one of the last remixes I can remember liking and having any kind of vague chemistry rather than being a random collection of whoever's currently got a hit record and the usual remix suspects (basically Fabolous, Jadakiss, Swizz Beats and Rick Ross) thrown together on a song.