Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Brief thoughts on the 2012 XXL Freshman list

Fuck that shit, doggie! We're over here takin' screen grabs of that bird in the floral frock who looked like a sarcastic Brandy from the Feel So Good video tonight instead :




P.S : why on earth does anyone want to listen to Don Trip as a solo artist?

Monday, 27 February 2012

Shout outs to Axl Rose, we in this bitch!!!

Presenting our latest fascinating saltine specimen in the field of rowdy T-Bo-esque bad azz white boy Gangsta-Rappers - CWhite from the Duffle Bag Boyz, who looks like a whigged-out Faces-Of-Meth Axl Rose and sounds like Boosie's pre-pubescent Rapping daughter Iviona :




Duffle Bag Boyz - O.V.A
(From Youtube; 2011)


I'm always suspicious when black Rappers claim they grew up with a token peckerwood in their crew who they call the N-word every time the latest cracka-Rapper du jour gets caught dropping N-bombs, but, I 'unno, I guess dudes might not be bullshitting, huh? Actual black ppl who read this blog : do you have such a character in the ranks of your Bro list?

Friday, 24 February 2012

Re : the 25 essential Mystikal songs Complex piece

Awesome read as it is, but here's 2 joints I wish had cropped up in the conversation for reasons explained below :

Mystikal - Not That N*gga
(From Mind Of Mystikal; 1995)


Why? Duh, because it's only Pharrell's first ever Rap production credit and Mystikal might have had a swell "You'ze a good kid.." anecdote about sending young Skateboard P to the store for bogroll and then making him scrub the toilet bowl clean after pebbledashing it with a bowel full of turds during the recording session.

Mystikal - Big Truck Boys
(From Let's Get Ready; 2000)


Why? Duh, because it's only the quintessential Country-Rap jam Mystikal ever recorded with KLC and that bit where he really unleashes the gas and says "..twentied up, tinted up, piped up/tanked up, filled up, grilled up, loaded, psyched up/hyped up, iced up, POLO striped up, Niked up/they bust fresh cuts, they dress sharp and they like big trucks" during the breakdown at the start of the third verse is best summed up by the rapist right chea himself in this GIF :

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

:-)

Katie Got Bandz lit up Chicago/the internet with a bat signal asking for a dread-head drilla, Lil' Mister responded, and together they've released the 2012 I've Got You, Babe :

Lil' Mister ft. Katie Got Bandz - I'm Dat N*gga
(From the internet; 2012)


Not tryna be the jealous lone voice of dissent who stands in the way of true luv or nuthin' here, Katie, but I'm just sayin' that if Lil' Mister was your special dread-head drilla surely he would've rush-released this on Valentine's Day not a full week later?

Now if you'll make yourselves scarce and shoo, dear readers, because some of us are a lil' busy tonight :

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Reasons why I love Youtube # 21

'Cause that grainy clip of the triumvirate of LL, Cut Creator & DJ Bobcat performing Go, Cut Creator, Go I posted about in 2010 is now on there in pristine HD quality with its original introduction by Sean Penn :


Of course, the moment everybody realised Charlie Sheen was generally batshit insane last year was when he claimed Sean Penn was the greatest actor of all time, right?

Sunday, 19 February 2012

I'm like Heaven - everybody wanna get to me

How you make it to the gates and forget the key, PR Newswire.com?


I'll hold my hands up and admit that not everybody is going to get jokes about Jay Electronica sounding like Mindbender Futurama or how Max B should've hired Tray as his lawyer instead of Gerald Saluti since he was insisting on using a Jewish Dipset fan who works in the legal business to represent him, but how is a website offering SEO services for "journalists, bloggers and media outlets" like PR Newswire unaware of the wanky powerhouse fashion blog by that douchebag Scott Schuman which this place was originally conceived as a vague parody of back in 2008? Thanx 4 the luv, though, fellas.

In related news, I used to slang with my blog, even smang with my blog; I used to bang with my blog, godamn - now I'm part of the gang contributing to the An Indeterminate Amount of Incredible Rap Songs You Need To Hear.....Right Now series on H.L's blog. We ain't nuthin' but models for pigeons on RSS feeds.

Thursday, 16 February 2012

Cum hither

"I'm shootin' everywhere when I live and I spray
like POP POP POP, get the kids out the way
Shorty she a pro, she suck my dick then I spray
then I pass her a napkin to get the kids out the way!"

Young Giftz ft. Odyssee - Meet Da Dealer
(From zee internetz; 2012)


Chi-Town's endless stream of viral bangers with amusing references to oral sex by thugged out dudes in POLO beanies shows no sign of slowing down any time soon.

Tonight on Eggheads

What the flying fuck is this Easy-E shit?


You'd expect such a lackadaisical error from The Guardian, but not the BBC. Get your mind right, Olav & the fellow Eggheads question setters - it's Eazy-E, son :

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Felony charges but capital made it a lower case

The 2nd best song from the first #UW 'tape gets a video :

"My old bitch she only fuck me if we fight first
I mean argue, yeah we exchange harsh words
and then it's make-up sex, she make $tar' burst"

$tarlito ft. Young Dolph - Gone
(From #UW; 2011)


Mostly posting this because the song goes hard, it forms a loose 2011 trilogy alongside Get Off My Line and Hoe Problems, it's the only Young Dolph verse I'm currently willing to listen to ("I told her either deal with it or just leave me alone/she replied, she apologized and she just miss that bone/I told her it's all good just make sure it's wet later on"), it gives me another chance to link to my recent $tarlito compilation and it demonstrates that 'lito is really getting those Biggie in the Warning video power-moves-on-a-celly-phone-ah poses down pizzack now :



Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Happy Valentine's Day!

Whether you're angling for a blowjob off your bird tonight after taking her out to Nando's the eatery of her choice, or you're gonna be spending the evening alone reciting Don Draper's speech to Rachel about love to yourself on the couch, there's one thing we're all lacking in life this Valentine's day and that's a CDQ version of the video mix of Suga Free's debut Pure Pimp when he went by the handle of Royal Rock, which doesn't currently exist in any other format because the version on the 12" is severely deficient in the video mix's bass :

Royal Rock - Pure Pimp (video mix)
(Not from the Pure Pimp 12"; 1992)


Worry not, because I'm here to spread L-U-V like the chix in the Pure Pimp clip at the pool party were prone to spread their asscheeks by ripping the audio of the video mix, so now it's up to one of you ol' romantics to make yourselves useful by chopping out the first 53 seconds which comprise the video's intro and then maybe cleaning up the audio slightly so Cupid can shoot bolts through our hearts over this song properly and we can all wake up feeling like the young prince of pimpology in 1992 tomorrow :



*EDIT* ..and two days later here's the final snipped down, spruced up version courtesy of DJ Step One :

Monday, 13 February 2012

BLOGGIN' ON STONE!

But before we get to that, I'd just like to say one sentence : this is the most humble day of my life!



I'm taking full credit for the 15,000 new views I Need A Hitta has received in the past two weeks, as well as the previous top comment being replaced with one that's a smidgen more complimentary :


Sunday, 12 February 2012

Reasons I love Youtube # 20

Public Enemy doing the Shut 'Em Down remix live on 90s UK Yoof TV show The Word back in 1992 :


The Shut 'Em Down remix beat never really seemed a suitable backdrop for Chuck D's voice so I'm more of a fan of the original, but I'm posting this, their live debut on UK TV, anyway for a handful of reasons :

1. P.E were in town for this the night before I first saw them live, and, thus, it makes me feel all fuzzy inside.

2. The oversized black & yellow jackets sported by Chuck, Terminator X and the S1Ws now seem like a stark warning that P.E were on the precipice of tumbling over into irrelevance as recording artists, but I suppose at least it's a rare instance of Chuck not being dressed like your uncle Richard.

3. Amanda de Cadenet is nowhere near as attractive as I remember her being. Team Dani Behr 4 life, bruv.

4. Once a year I'm going to make a plea for someone to plz upload the time Onyx did Throw Ya Gunz on The Word and the stage was invaded by a bunch of Mancunian man dem.

5. These are kinda barren times for a Rap blogger if you think SpaceGhostPurrp is just Ugly Duckling for the type of dudes who post on boards like Dissensus and you've given Young Thug multiple chances now via Blastmaster, ANU and Drake and still come away feeling like "really, guys?" all 3 times.

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Late pass


Jackie Chain - Molly
(From the internet; 2011/After Hours mixtape; 2012)


If it's not quite bad enough that every blogger under the sun wrote about Don't Violate before we'd even noticed it, the entire Martorialist famalam were completely oblivious to the existence of Molly until Jackie's new mixtape After Hours dropped yesterday even though it's been floating around on the 'net for just shy of 12 months.

Haven't the foggiest whether the Guido song Jackie blesses on this ode to MDMA & saltine floozies really derives from Donkey Kong Country 2 like some of the twerps on Youtube seem to be suggesting because Jet Set Willy, Treasure Island Dizzy, WWE : Attitude and GTA : San Andreas are the only video games we've ever given a fuck about here at Martorialist H.Q, but we've just fed an MP3 of Molly into our same computer which converts sound into image that we used on Sober by Jae Millz and this is what emerged :

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

A $tarlito compilation 4 u

So, Yo Gotti's Live From The Kitchen being a bit of a stinker other than Single, Harder and Killa really threw a spanner in the argument I've been trying to push that Tennessee now does better Trap-Rap than the current breed of non-Brick Squad ATLiens like 2 Chainz, Rocko, Trouble, Future et al, huh? I took the Gotti album's mediocrity so personal that I've decided to retaliate in the form of a compilation of some lesser-celebrated joints by my favourite Tennessee Rapper All $tar/$tarlito.

'Lito's catalogue is fairly daunting, especially since some of it is only available in exchange for *shock horror* actual money, thus I'm operating under the presumption that the only work of his most people seem to be familiar with are Renaissance Gangster, the Step Brothers 'tape with Don Trip, the 2 # UW mixtapes and the recent For My Foes musical EP, so here's a 16 song collection of the best-of-the-rest, starting from when he still went by the moniker of All $tar on $tarlito's Way II back in 2008 right up to $tarlito's Way III in late 2010 and @ War W/ Myself in early 2011, taking in highlights from his multitude of mixtapes between and even a couple of random Hulkshare loosies including the remix of So Slow with Don Trip & Yo Gotti from last summer.

~ All $tar/$tarlito - Dark $tar compilation ~

1. I Ain't Went Nowhere
2. Extra Get It
3. Life Insurance
4. Oh Em Gee
5. Alphabet Soup
6. Untitled
7. How You Wanna Die
8. IE Cipher (with Yo Gotti)
9. That Shit Ain't Real
10. I Go Ham
11. Until Then
12. I Shake Life (with Yo Gotti)
13. L.N.D Generous
14. Three's Company
15. So Slow remix (with Don Trip & Yo Gotti)
16. Keep Doin' My Thang

~~> DOWNLOAD HERE <~~

All are kosher original songs other than I Ain't Went Nowhere where he jacked a 2010 T.I joint nobody cared about and L.N.D Generous which beckons all the more seductively than Ellen Degeneras because the "lower your voice when you're talkin' to a boss" line is incredibly applicable when indulging in drunken nights out with the bros and the hoes.

Re-upped for SoulStrut forum dudes november 1st 2013.

Friday, 3 February 2012

Rejected-rejected ideas

Damn, homie - we goin' through the winter warz right now still waitin' on Bogota and King Louie's Dope And Shrimp, and the only song to have really tickled our fancy in the past couple of weeks is Cocky by DJ Paul. In lieu of any real content, here are some pitches for posts that were so bad that they were even snubbed by Fat Lace for the Rejected Ideas series :

Tupac Bok - listen to our exclusive mash-up of Tupac Back over Project Pat's Chickenhead.

Agallah The John Bishop - the Rapper formerly known as The Don Bishop turns to inane sub-Stan Boardman scouse stand-up comedy after the GTA and Dipset money dries up.

Pour Out A Little (window) licker - 2pac found alive in Aphex Twin's studio!

Got You Stuck Off The Holness - the M.O.B.B react to the death of Blockbusters host Bob Holness.

2 Girls, 1 Kap - Big Kap caught in scat-porn threesome with Kreashawyn and V-Nasty.

The Search For Animal Chingy - Mr. Right Thurr meets The Bones Brigade!

Nap Or Die - sleep apnea expert professor L. Dopa explains why it would've been more sensible for Pimp C to take shorter trips off to the land of nod.

Thursday, 2 February 2012

Billy Gram - nWo

"You can pro'lly keep that scale because I bag well!"

HAHAHA - GEDDIT?
Billy Gram - nWo
(From Youtube; 2012)


That line would pro'lly have me rolling my eyes if it came from Pusha-T, but then if it'd come from Pusha-T it'd have more than likely been followed by a punchline which rhymes "ki' of that snortin'" with "lyrical Scott Norton" so I'll let it slide since it was delivered by some Bay dude dressed up as nWo Sting that Billy Dee Trilliams sent my way.

Just a little note to all y'all bitch ass whiggas thinking of dressing up as Hulk Hogan for Halloween this year after copping replica outfits via eBay - get your weight up, middlebrow half-steppers, and make your own Hollywood Hogan-era ensembles instead :