I've run out of theories about how Jackie Chain is America's first non-martial arts performing AZN role model and the new Spoonie Gee in terms of delivering a classic single on the dot every year, and at this point I've also pretty much exhausted all of my AZN jokes and stash of pictures of 2$hin posing with 'alf naked white women, so let's just face one glaringly obvious fact now that The Bruce Lean Chronicles is out and it contains Jackie's hardest joint ever in So Throwed : Jackie Chain has made more dope songs than Eric B. & Rakim, N.W.A or Biggie.
Jackie Chain - So Throwed
(From The Bruce Lean Chronicles mixtape; 2012)
RAP GAME ORIENTAL FAMILY IN NEIGHBOURS WHO WERE ACCUSED OF STEALING THE MARTIN FAMILY'S DOG AND THEN AXED FROM THE SHOW AFTER A MONTH BECAUSE AUSTRALIAN VIEWERS DIDN'T LIKE YELLOW PPL.
Rap's 7th greatest duo of all time perform Been Around The World and Mo' Money, Mo' Problems to an oddly receptive saltine audience of soccer moms and bearded suburban dads on the Rosie O'Donnell show in 1997 before they sit down and present Rosie with a Puff Daddy varsity jacket and a Puff Daddy beanie :
Highlights include Puffy sneaking the "it's ridiculous how they put their lips on this/don't kiss right there, girlfriend, I'm ticklish" line from Been Around The World into such a wholesome TV broadcast, and Ma$on giving us two particularly graceful variations of his trademark move The Betha-Swirl :
Just as I'm beginning to despair over the continued positive reaction to Lil' Reese as one of the stars of the current Chicago movement, along comes a remedy in the form of Mic Terror's first good song of 2012. As ever, Mic truly excels when he's providing lessons in lewdness but Rodney King takes a different approach to his previously sample-based Sex-Rap jams and sees him tackling the sort of barely-there-like-Son-Doobie's-tiny-cock elasticated production that you'd usually expect to hear the NhT Boyz, one of DJ Mustard's customers or Travis Porter over instead :
Nice to hear Mic audibly retch at the thought of wearing True Religion and then boast that his jeans aren't even POLO but RRL since bragging about being dipped in POLO just isn't that impressive any more if we're supposed to buy into the notion that Rappers are infinitely richer and cooler than the average schlub. How you finna stunt like you're Alpo in a shirt I could cop from some discount shopping outlet hellhole like Cheshire Oaks or Bicester Village, 2012 Rapper?
So, anyway, this is the part of the post specifically designed to infuriate David Drake because Rodney King is far more deserving of some blog luvin' than anything on that mediocre Lil' Reese mixtape. How did Chief Keef's Rapping back-up dancer/a modern day Big Scoob like Reese (with his cameo on I Don't Like as his On The Bugged Tip and Haters as his N*ggaz Can't Hang) even bag himself a Def Jam deal and a Gangsta Grillz mixtape in the first place?
Three questions, though : what's that sample, why didn't Bricks In My Back Pack 3 sound like this, and what's up with Troy's camp AHA! ad lib where he sounds like a barefooted Mr Humphries accidentally standing on a thumbtack?
Question : what'd you get if you cross the analogy of chirpsin' other dude's birds being just like basketball with a beat that sounds like what would've happened if Zaytoven had been hired to score the Tron remake? Answer : my definitive Pop-Rap jam of this summer, that's what!
Travis Porter - Ballin'
From From Day 1 album; 2012)
In a perfect world this would be as big as Hot In Herre was in 2002, alas RCA haven't even bothered to release it as a single yet even though it's a legitimate 10/10 smash. What did our generation ever do to deserve the tampon commercial/date rapist/bloated superstar posse track/Big Sean cameo Pop-Rap landscape of the past three years?
Actually, that's a total fib since there's a Mike Will produced cut on there called Nerve Damage that I'm all over like Tumblr-reblogs of terrible Flatbush Zombie songs and I just wanted to post Track 1 here because that beat has reminded me that I need to hear someone Rap over Fred Mollin's intro music from the Friday The 13th TV series already. Here's the original intro with the Uncle Lewis scenes and voice over explaining the show's premise which was removed from the DVD boxset/all subsequent reruns of the show for some daft unfathomable reason :
Pete Nice & MC Serch explain The White Rapper's Burden to a sockless Arsenio before DJ Richie Rich juggles the living shit out of Brother Marquis' "sittin' at home watchin' Arsenio Hall" line from the clean version of 2 Live Crew's Me So Horny and the three of them launch into The Gas Face with a helping hand from some bloke in a horrific matching paisley shirt and bandana :
Serch was kinda riding the proto-Jacamo advert wave back in those days, but for a fat lad he couldn't half keep pace with their back-up dancers. Talkin' of flabby fellas from Queens, is Midget Cough Action Bronson's best solo song of the year so far or wot?
"Shoot eagles on the Jack Nicklaus course
Porsche with the triple exhaust, seats soft like a midget's cough"
Action Bronson - Midget Cough
(From the innanetz; 2012)
J. Stalin - The Molly Song
(From Memoirs Of A Curb Server album; 2012)
I don't know why why America had to be all fancy and rechristen the drug that the rest of the planet calls Mandy as Molly, but I'm hoping I can use The Molly Song by J. Stalin to convince a certain someone I know that MCAT is just MDMA for paupers. You Yanks have no idea how lucky you are that Mephedrone has yet to become the drug du jour in the good ol' U.S.A because they're isn't a more pungent stench/taste than a vagina sweating it out on a humid sunday morning.
Speakin' of Rappers I first heard on Never Blink, I'm all up on that real chill Dubb 20 joint with Husalah from Jacka's new weed carrier's compilation thingymebob right about now. Husalah using the word Twerp will never cease to be funny, but I'll be damned if Dubb 20 doesn't quietly kill this track on some 1992 TV movie about the plague starring Kate Jackson type shit :
"Them verses on Jack's shit got a n*gga buzzin'
n*ggas be lyin' tellin' bitches they my cousin"
Dubb 20 & Husalah - Been A While
(From The Jacka Presents The A.R Street Album ; 2012)
Since one song on Max Minelli's new Lunch Money album sees him interpolating Pimp C's "n*ggaz talk a lot of shit in a safe place 'cause he can't look me in my eye when we face to face" lyric into an attack on Twitter thugs and, ahem, "pussy with an opinion" bloggers, it's probably best I keep my views about some of the cheesy Tampon commercial hooks on there to myself, innit? Thankfully you can't ever really go wrong with Max Minelli and Happy Perez summoning up the holy ghost of Pimp C, so that very song happens to be some panoramic emo Country-Rap shit and Max's best jam since the classic Louisiana Sky :
I know, I know - there's a Lil' Phat shaped cavity in your heart just waiting for a new Trill ENT-related 3rd stringer to plug it too, huh? Luckily, where the Baton Rogue Rap Gods taketh Phat back to the essence in a hail of gunfire, they then giveth us a replacement in Foxx's chief weed carrier $hizz begging for someone to shower him with bullets on Send Ya Hit Man. This, as the kidz say, goes and it wouldn't sound out of place on either of the Trill Fam compilations even though that Webbie feature credit is an okie-doke because it's just a sample of his voice for the hook :
The obligatory clerical nuts 'n' bolts you need to know about the 80s blend which inspired Nas' first great song since 2004 : a couple of years before Kid Capri's legendary Stephanie Mills routine on the 10/9/'89 tape, and a good five years before Ron G's Blends 1 tape mixed R&B accapellas over Rap instrumentals or Puffy instructed Mary J. Blige to sing over Impeach The President and play the Eurydice to Grand Puba's Orpheus, DJ Hot Day combined the vocals from New Edition's Once In A Lifetime Groove with Son Of Public Enemy (Flavor Whop Version) and a couple of classic breaks like Ike’s Mood 1 & 7 Minutes Of Funk on a 12" called Hot Day Master Mix :
DJ Hot Day - Hot Day Master Mix
(From Hot Day with Super Kids - Hot Day Master Mix 12"; 1987)
The obligatory Rap blogga opinions 4 all y'all : there are only 4 Rappers who should ever be bestowed with the honour to Rap over an 80s Queensbridge classic like Hot Day Master Mix - Tragedy is the first since he appeared on the B. side of that very same Hot Day 12", but he's currently in prison so we're shit outta luck there; The second is Poet's since he was active in 1987 and has history with Hot Day, but he'd probably go OTT and Rap about disembowelling blokes with a fountain pen when that beat calls for something a little less homicidal so he's a no-go too; Cormega's the third since he alsohashistory with Hot Day, but we've already heard him Rap over Ike's Mood 1 on Beautiful Mind so he blew his chance; the fourth is Nas and while that gormless motherfucker is a personal bête noire of mine, he's just given Hot Day a production credit on a major label album in 2012 so I guess he'll have to do.
Gonna ask this question once every couple of years until I get a satisfactory answer : why have the Beasties/Def Jam only ever released the unmastered demo of Scenario when Christian Slater played a clearly pristine CDQ version of it 22 years ago in Pump Up The Volume? (*)
Samantha Mathis' character in Pump Up The Volume = officially the only hot bird called Nora in the history of humanity, even if her take on the that-dance-white-girls-who-don't-like-Rap-always-do-to-the-Beasties only rates a 6/10.
Oh wow, big 'Ball just quietly dropped a song that's the most vivid storytelling joint about the perils of drug-game since Yo Gotti's Rico as well as the best storytelling track to touch on the theme of revenge over an acoustic guitar since AZ's The Payback :
8Ball - Lucky's Theme Song
(From Life's Quest album; 2012)
Heck, it even subscribes to Ice-T's axiom that Gangsta-Rap should contain some sort of subtle message, and so it ends with a chilling reminder that there are real life consequences to crime like one of Ice's old storytelling jams such as Soul On Ice. Damn, kicko, that's some Just Say No type shiznit on multiple levels, innit?
Rap blog rule # 19865 - on an otherwise slow wednesday when you can't think of anything else to post, flex your Rap-nerd muscles with an obscure sample source from a song by the Rap Game Clarence "Frogman" Henry :
$tarlito - Rather Be With You
(From #UW: Separation Anxiety EP; 2012)
Alright, so I can't be the only person who heard $tarlito's Rather Be With You last year and then went scrambling to Google to look up that opening sample because it sounded like it might be from some secrete old TRU song, right? Whaddaya know it actually derives from a track by O.G Three 6 Mafia member Lil' Fly/Playa Fly which, I presume, is a Memphis classic :
Playa Fly ft. Gangsta Blac & Bill Chill - Nobody
(From Movin' On album; 1998)
Solving a sample mystery and noting the uncanny similarity between $tarlito's croak-flow and Clarence Henry's frog voice - that's all I got today, lads.
Problem ft. Skeme - T.O
(From the Welcome To Mollywood mixtape; 2012)
I cannae tell you shit about Problem other than he was a guest on the first single from E-40's Block Brochure, he sometimes sounds a bit like Juvenile when he's ad libbing, and his T.Osingle from earlier this year here is best Rack City knock-off out there. Since the beat is by that very song's producer DJ Mustard, posting it today finally presents us with a handy excuse to highlight Mustard's fondness for sleeveless denim jackets or, as they're know in the biz by our homie Nyquil, jean vests :
There's rules - got codes and lines we obey is the motto 4 life, but when a bruvva looks like a Gamorrean Guard, he's allowed to peacock in an item that's only otherwise acceptable if you're Slash in 1987, one of the greaser cast members in The Outsiders, or Pete Twist in series one of Round The Twist.
Because you can prove that Wu-Tang really was for the chil'ren with this 1996 Teen Summit performance of Shadowboxin' and Duel Of The Iron Mic where GZA and Meth saunter around the stage with (near)matching corn-row 'do's :
The Blog Game Joey Buttafuoco/Rap Game Joey Barton right chea is hittin' up a Wu-Tang Legends show in a few hours so this video is the perfect entrée for the evening ahead. No doubt it'll also serve as a post-show form of comfort food after Ghostface and Shawn Wigs are the only rappers who show up; I'll do a Herzog if we get the entire billed line-up of Rae, Ghost, Meth and GZA tonight.
Still feelin' the previously leaked Drilluminati since it works the same exotic Egyptian vibe as Mac Dre's Dipped When You See Me, but much like Bars towered over the rest of King Louie's The Motion Picture mixtape, Hitta Shit with Un Kasa lookalike Shorty K bodies everything else on his new 'tape Showtime. This, I have to confess, is what I was hoping most of Pluto would sound like after reading all the hype about it :
King Louie ft. Shorty K - Hitta Shit
(From Showtime mixtape; 2012)
So, am I alone in thinking Showtime is disappointing or is it just because I'm privy to handful of secrete Dope And Shrimp joints that are just so much better than everything he's dropped in 2012 other than Hitta Shit, Bars and Val Venis? Moreover, can you believe Louie didn't just Rap over that incredible Zaytoven-ish melody on the intro of It's Like That before the beat switches gears into something more complicated and entirely less incredible?
The Bay Area Boosie by the way of Bizzie Bone; a baby-faced sawn-off Satan spewing a nasal voiced hypersonic Rap style known as Gas; another skinny yelping Gangsta-Rapper who sounds like he has a clothes peg on his nose - if you aren't already familiar with DB Tha General then you need to know that he's all of the above and so much more before you download this, the latest Martorialist ten song primer compilation with a crappy Illmatic pun :
DB Tha General - Gasmatic
3. King Of Oakland
4. Upgrade 'Em
5. Danger Zone (with Kurt Diggler)
6. Young O.G
7. O.G Music
8. Bitch Azz N*gga
9. Upgrade 'Em 2
10. Don't Worry
Like any other regional Rapper with albums that are only available for a fee, DB is both underrated and under-represented on t'internet because most Rap bloggers/fans are cheaper than Uniqlo underwear, so this compilation takes in songs from his full oeuvre beginning with 2007 debut Welcome To Tha Navy right up to this year's I Shine, We All Shine album. It's not in any sort of chronological order, though, because any DB compilation worth its weight in a substance possessing perfect molecular mobility and the property of indefinite expansion (Gas, dummies!) could only ever be bookended by Murda and its unofficial sequel Don't Worry.
Since the last Martorialist compilation was an unexpected smash hit on the ILX music forum, we're tryna do them Moombhaton thread numbers on Dissensus with this one. Ayo, it's ya man Richie AKA Si Mane Reynolds with more comps than Northern England, mang.
TKO Capone been had a fairly accurate facsimile of a Z-Ro song already, so I guess RiFF RAFF felt like he had up the Houston-Rap ante and go get himself a thinly-veiled approximation of a Lil' Flip song Z-Ro appeared on as an apology for the duo's Iced Out My Lighthouse mixtape now being due for release on the same tuesday that Detox and the Nas & Primo album come out :
RiFF RAFF - Lil' Mama I'm Sorry
(From Youtube; 2012)
Other than the glaringly obvious exception of Larry Bird, I only listen to the Rice Emperor when he's paired with black ppl because - DUH! - the rest of his solo material has zero replay value beyond its initial novelty factor and - MEGA DUH! - he tends to reign his excesses in when he's alongside someone fromthemotherland, but Lil' Mama I'm Sorry is hitting all the right notes for ya boy Richie AKA the Blog Game Gordon Burns/Rap Game Pete Burns this morning. Maybe it's just because I'm in dire need of one good song by a Caucasoid Rapper this year after Yelawolf's new "I'M BACK AFTER MY SHADY RECORDS DEBACLE, GUYS!!!!" mixtape continues his current wretched streak and contains the single worst song of the past 7 months; seriously, can anyone listen to Father's Day without honestly wanting Obama to implement a Eugenics program immediately afterwards?
Not to boast like we're Dead Perezing the blog game by being up on the juiciest gossip years before the rest of y'all, but here at The Martorialist we've always suspected Frank Ocean might've swung both ways ever since he seemed far more interested in dancing with the cartoon duck dude in the Get Out Of My Dreams video than he did with picking up any of the multiple chicks in it :
Since I'm in need of some good karma tonight and my Alpoko Don post stays gettin' steady hits from people searching for MP3s of Get My Paypa, Dog and All I Know, I thought I'd upload them both since nobody else on t'internet has seen fit yet and his mixtape still hasn't dropped. Get them shits here :
In a bid to further transform this site into the web's 7th best destination for 10th hand gossip about Trill ENT., here's another joint from the latest Foxx mixtape. This one's called Shut Up and it sees the Rap Game Blakey from On The Buses casually ripping strips off the former Concentration Camp mk.2 member Young Ready :
Deets by the pound : Shut Up is a reply to I Do What I Want To and details how Young Ready ended up with egg on his face after bragging about a homicide he hadn't committed and... look, I'm a white guy from Europe wearing Sperrys and eating french onion soup from Waitrose as I type this - I know as much about the machinations of the Baton Rogue Rap scene and how Young Ready was treated in jail as you do. Foxx wins this one unless Young Ready is prepared to take it back to the glory days of 2005 - 2009 by snatching Foxx's chain and then posing with it on camera alongside his goons à la this classic :
Favourite thing about this video has to be that the masked goons think Hell Rell's Streetz Gon' Love Me is called Streetz Don't Love Me; poor Ruger couldn't even catch a lucky break when J.R Writer was the victim.
So, you've just downloaded the Rap Game Dustin Hoffman in Dick Tracy's latest mixtape Foxx Mayweather and you're unsure which song to start with : the intriguingly titled Put Yo' Pussy On The Phone? One of the tracks with $hizz that'll hopefully replicate how good they sounded together on 3rd Person? The Gold Mouth Dawg remix? Nah, homie, get yo' mind linear and head straight for the opening trick Straight Pit :
The object of Foxx's affections in this song is a Pit because she's an independent ratchet-ass hoe who'll punch a bitch, whup a bitch, stomp a bitch, jump a bitch, and when she has something on her mind she ain't gonna mumble, bitch, so this is the point where you're allowed to think laterally and imagine that the song's muse is a Pitin the Odd Squadian sense of the word too. SCHWING!