Wednesday, 30 March 2016

Generic list post: March 2016


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when civilised society was happy to see the unexpected return of a Concentration Camp.

The Firm - Firm Biz (World's Famous Explicit Remix) (1997)
Jackie Chain - Oh Yeah (2007)
Jackie Chain - Shawty Freestyle (2007)
Young Chop & Rado - Migoz N The Hood (2015)
Ezale - Day Ones (2016)
Kokane ft. Snoop Dogg - Don't Go (2016)
Kendrick Lamar - Untitled 08 (2016)
Max B ft. Wiz Khalifa, Alpac & Joe Young - Silver Surfer (2016)
Young Thug - With Them (2016)
5th Ward Weebie & New Breed Brass Band - Whatcha Workin' It Fa (2016)
5th Ward Weebie ft. S 8ighty & Big Choo - Club Luv (2016)
Kwamz & Flava - Takeover (2016)
Moelogo - Pénkéle (2016)
The 1975 - The Sound (2016)

Monday, 28 March 2016

You say there's money on my head, do I fear that shit?

"Guess again, man - them muthaf*ckers bleed like me
If they plan on sneakin' up they better breathe lightly
Or be like he who last tried to take my life
Who I never think about unless I wake in the night
Maybe you right, maybe I'm a threat to me
Perhaps a bullet from an enemy will set me free"


A-Wax - Tha Streets
(From ???; 2006)


A-Wax videos were so much more entertaining when they were mini-movie realisations of his fantasies about kidnapping Husalah. Since 'Wax now takes out such frustrations on his Mob Figaz bête noire by clowning him on Instagram for shopping at Nike discount outlets, his videos have consequently suffered by becoming an interchangeable string of yer standard rap video cliches: walking in slow-motion, blowing smoke wistfully into cameras, standing on inanimate objects doing rap-hands. What A-Wax music videos need in 2016 is less posin' and more poison.

Friday, 25 March 2016

Updated my Rap Songs That Aren't On YouTube But Really Should Be playlist

It's ya boy Gyles Bandwidth back to f*ck up your monthly data plans this Easter weekend. Tracks by Schoolly D, 5th Ward Weebie, Diddy, Legit Ballaz, Swishahouse, Camp Lo, AZ, Jiggs & Cheeks, TREE, Grandmaster Melle Mel, Grip Plyaz, Black Sheep, Smooth B, Jackie Chain, pre-LOX Jadakiss & Sheek, Lil' Chris, N.O.R.E & Peedi Crakk, MobStyle etc etc.

Thursday, 24 March 2016

New York - ya out there?

A video posted by GRATEFUL🙏 (@kwamz123) on


One of those instances where an Instagram video really does capture a song's essence more succinctly than words could ever hope to - writing about music isn't like dancing amongst architecture or sumfink. Kwamz & Flava bustin' moves to their own shit in Times Square gotta be the first good thing to happen in everyone's least favourite part of modern New York since Max B touched down from jail to buy johnnies there.

Monday, 21 March 2016

Kokantelechy Vs. The Doggy Dogg Syndrome

Sucks that Luvin' A Pimp didn't make Kokane's new album because the song is his best collaboration with Too $hort since Rhyme Slow in 1999 and the most convincing replica DJ Quik & Robert Bacon production you'll ever lay your ears on. Never mind, though, because album highlight Don't Go is the archetypal Clone Of Dr. Funkenstein every Kokane fan dreams of. Technically, Kokane's wobbly bizarro world Nate Dogg crooning and Snoop's Sway In The Morning freestyle-type verse belong in different postcodes, yet here they coexist on the same song as 2 thumpasourus neighbours. Like David Cameron nearly told Jeremy Corbyn today - we're just one nation under a groove.

Kokane ft. Snoop Dogg - Don't Go
(From King Of GFunk album; 2016)

Sunday, 20 March 2016

Schoolly D was a phony, a fake, a secrete hair-metal fan?

On record, Schoolly's stance was "all you long haired faggots can kiss my ass"; in reality, Schoolly's manager was some Robert Tepper lookalike contest reject with a poodle-perm mullet:


This, of course, is the very same Chris Schwartz who later founded Ruffhouse Records with Joe "The Butcher" Nicolo in 1989. Can't even break out the "mountain climber who plays an electric guitar" zingers here because Schwartz is a top 5 dead or alive hesher rap mogul offa Cypress Hill's first album and Illmatic alone.

Friday, 18 March 2016

Late pass!

Rap internet M.V.P Rey swung through the comments on my recent best of Mr. V.I.P playlist and upped a lost pre-Rollin' Jackie Chain mixtape from 2007 that'd been mysteriously wiped from the 'net, possibly because it borrows its title from a movie by a certain Chinese actor? Oh Yeah is a mere 42 seconds in length but it woulda been the first song on my playlist if I had any idea this Who Am I 'tape existed. The petition to get Jackie to record a 3 minute version starts belatedly right here, right now.

Jackie Chain - Oh Yeah
(From DJ Burn One & Jackie Chain's Who Am I mixtape; 2007)


Bonus Martorial Elegance: Jackie's current single Mucho is barely a 6/10 song, but that spaghetti western bandito clobber he wears in the video is a bona fide 10/10 outfit. Bruce Lean is dead, long live the Mane With No Name!

Thursday, 17 March 2016

Who's Ghana take the weight?


A brief compendium of things Kwamz & Flava's Takeover has made "go gaga" since I first posted it back in january: "the mandem" foreal, the duo's motherland of Ghana, borks from all across continental Europe, Black History Month tributes in Canadian schools, Men In Black in Indianapolis parking garages, Irving Plaza in New York, BBC1Xtra's playlist, YouTube's million views mark, the music channels on Freeview now the official video is here. Gotta respect a group who perform their own syncronised dance routines even though they've got the whole planet shakin' a leg to their song.

Kwamz & Flava - Takeover
(From Takeover single; 2016)



Bit ironic that a duo who formed after their joke freestyle session about bread went Facebook-viral should begin to flourish creatively and career-wise as they expunge the rapping from their music, but the citizens of this soggy island have always made better tunes when they use rap as a flavouring in the hotpot rather than the main ingredient. Pour out a lil' Bisto for Betty from Corrie.

Wednesday, 16 March 2016

*CeCe Peniston voice*

"Finally!"

Ezale - Day Ones
(From the upcoming Tonite Show album; 2016)


Only the Bay can make Drake platitudes sound poignant, a song where camaraderie overcomes calamity, new school shit for old school whips, production like a lost Khayree remix of Picture Me Rollin', the song where Ezale proves he can do Apollonian as well as Dionysian blah blah blah.

F*ck all that shit - what happened to the scene from the O.G Twitter video snippet where Ezale sits on the speaker, and why'd they cut the parts from the Instagram video snippet where the guy in the vest with the ponytail rides his bike backwards and raps the hook to camera? This is what it must have felt like in 1991 when Point Break hit cinemas missing those 2 scenes from the trailer where Keanu Reeves licks a shot outta the window of the pickup truck and the conversation where he corrects John C. McGinley's terminology.


Ben Harp: "Do you think that taxpayers would like it, Utah, if they knew that they were paying a federal agent to surf and pick up girls?"

Johnny Utah: "Babes!"

Ben Harp: "I beg your pardon?"

Johnny Utah: "The correct term is Babes, sir."

Tuesday, 15 March 2016

And now for a different kinda Boyz n the Hood jack

(Previously: Boone's Pop A Perc, also the best random-rap song outta Philly since Aunt Jackie by Jason Fox & The Hood Presidents.)

Here's how you stop yourself continuously moaning about Ezale taking stupid long to drop Day Ones: you find a single by his local goons where he rolls around the neighbourhood in a wheelchair as the video's equivalent of Chris from Boyz n the Hood. 1/5 for originality and Young Chop's moniker, 3.8/5 for the song and execution of the video. Add both scores together and you've got a nice lil' stopgap slap.

Young Chop & Rado - Migoz N the Hood
(From Migoz N the Hood album; 2016)



That discombobulated vocal sample The 99 Percent featured on all their singles makes a reappearance here. Maybe it's Oakland's new version of the once-ubiquitous weird Dolphin sound as best utilised by E-40, Mac Mall, The Jacka and Lil B?

Sunday, 13 March 2016

Bob Monkhouse Every Weekend

Like A-Wax said, I guess the Joke's On Me...

Fetty Wap just bought a high school in Patterson, New Jersey.
Unfortunately it had to close down because he only had one pupil.

Have you heard the rumours about Italian-American rapper Genovese?
Sources are saying he pasta way.

Ice Cube has just been diagnosed with E-Coli.
The Doctor said it's because he's always playing with Pooh.

What did Big Lurch do after dumping his girlfriend?
He wiped his arse and then flushed the chain.

How do you find DJ Jazzy Jeff in Antarctica?
You check for Fresh Prince.

Why didn't the coastguard help when Black Hippy's boat sank?
Because they were too far out, man.

What are The Nonce's favourite sneakers?
White Vans.

How did South Park Mexican find the teenage girl hiding in a field?
Very satisfying.

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Daz & Kurupt on Doggy Dogg World.

Why didn't male hooker KRS One charge R. Kelly for watersports?
Because the P is free innit.

Saturday, 12 March 2016

Reasons why I love YouTube # 69

Back in 1993 Fab 5 Freddy & the YO! MTV Raps crew visited the Bronx to talk with Showbiz & A.G only to find half the N.Y rap scene hangin' out at Chez Showbiz. Lord Finesse, A.G & Show spit a few bars as DJ Roc Raida spins tunes, and Big L, Dres & Mista Lawnge of Black Sheep, and Diamond D pull out records from Show's crates as Freddy blows hot smoke up everyone's metaphorical arses like the corporeal Phade from Wild Style he really was IRL. This segment has never been on YouTube in its entirety until earlier this week, so kudos to whoever did the rippin' and uppin':

Thursday, 10 March 2016

A best of Jackie Chain playlist 4 u

Turn your living room/kitchen/bathroom into Da Club at your own will with this playlist of Jackie Chain's essential tunes. Starting in 2008 with Rollin' and climaxing with the full version of his 2015 half-single, this is a data dump that's all diamonds & Cadillacs with nary a rhinestone or a Skoda in sight. Fiddle while Huntsville burns to this one innit.

Wednesday, 9 March 2016

YG's got a question? Me too

When's the song in this commercial for his clothing line dropping? That juxtaposition of the Buck Rogers G-Funk and YG on a world-weary reflective tip sounds rather wonderful.


It's 2016 and snippet videos are better than most of the music released thus far this year. Yes, this is another thinly-veiled post about how Ezale's Day Ones STILL hasn't dropped.

Tuesday, 8 March 2016

Generic list post: W.W.A edition


Celebrate what's left of International Women's Day with this official Martorialist generic list post of great songs featuring the fairer sex doing lead rapping on them. Yes, what Mary J. Blige & Debbie Harry did on What's The 411 and Rapture can be considered rapping; no, I'm not gonna pretend to enjoy any song Lauryn Hill has ever rapped on.

1. Lil' Kim - Suck My Dick (2000)
2. Roxanne Shante ft. Biz Markie - The Def Fresh Crew (1986)
3. Lady - Pussy (2011)
4. Mary J. Blige ft. Grand Puba - What's The 411 (1991)
5. Mia X ft. TRU & Mystikal - You Don't Wanna Go 2 War (1997)
6. Lady Of Rage - Afro Puffs (1994)
7. Blondie - Rapture (1980)
8. MC Lyte - Paper Thin (1988)
9. Trina - Hustling (2002)
10. Missy Elliot ft. Ludacris & Trina - One Minute Man (2001)
11. Webstar ft. Young B & AG The Voice The Harlem - Chicken Noodle Soup (2006)
12. Khia - My Neck, My Back (Lick It) (2002)
13. Foxy Brown - Stylin' (2002)
14. Nicki Minaj ft. 2 Chainz - Beez In The Trap (2012)
15. Iggy Azeala ft. Charli XCX - Fancy (2014)
16. Gangsta Boo ft. Juicy J & D.J Paul - Where Dem Dollars At? (1998)
17. Salt-N-Pepa - Push It (1986)
18. Ms. Kane of Legit Ballaz - I Ain't The One (2002)
19. Queen Latifah - Just Another Day (1993)
20. Honey Cocaine - Honeydick (2015)
21. Sweet Tee & Jazzy Joyce - It's My Beat (1986)
22. Diamond ft. Juicy J & Jackie Chain - At The Bar (2012)
23. Rah Digga - Lesson Of Today (2000)
24. Katie Got Bandz - I Need A Hitta (video version) (2011)
25. Shawnna - Gettin' Some Head (2006)
26. Kreayshawn - Gucci Gucci (2011)
27. Lil' Debbie - I Do My Thang (2014)
28. Heaven ft. Lil' Chris - Don't Shoot (2014)
29. Lil' Mama - Lip Gloss (2008)
30. Puffy Dee - Joe Blow (1985)

EDIT: Someone's turned this into an actual playlist, though it's missing the Ms Kane song because it's not on YouTube.

Sunday, 6 March 2016

U Got Merkeled!

Max B ft. Wiz Khalifa, Alpac & Joe Young - Silver Surfer
(From Silver Surfer single; 2016)



Thank the respective charms/chemistry of Max B & Dame Grease for Silver Surfer not sounding like the patchwork Frankenstein's Monster of a song it actually is. Joe Young apparently hails from das land of Bratwurst, but listening to his verse here you'd just assume Dame hired Mack Mustard's little brother to fire off a quick 16 of subliminals at KanYe regarding the Waves-gate unpleasantness. Achtung Wavy!

Probably biased because Licence To Kill is my favourite James Bond movie, but Lonely is still the G.O.A.T from-the-vaults Biggavelz song to drop this decade. Max was truly the rap game/life game Franz Sanchez: an old school rascal who was genuinely hurt by the lack of loyalty in his squad(s). Max may never get to wreak revenge on Gina Conway or Gerald Saluti, but at least he gave Jim's wifey a nice honeymoooooooon. Allegedly.

Thursday, 3 March 2016

Bloggas can't believe UK blokes found this



^^^ Cast your mind back a couple of weeks to this plea from my AZ deep cuts playlist post. Have a guess what DJ Step One found on some obscure bootleg 12" from one of the grubbiest corners of Discogs and just uploaded to his blog! Swearing - it's not big and it's not clever except in the case of Deadwood episodes and rap remixes over classic Trevor Horn productions.

And so another holy grail bites the dust. The only excuse you've got for ever listenin' to the edited version again is if you're watching that time The Firm performed it live on the Keenan Wayans show. Women moan about gender equality but aren't prepared to throw on an XXL Karl Kani Canadian Tuxedo with the the rest of the crew when it's showtime:


Pour one out for Half-A-Mill. His solo remake of the remix was the closest thing we had to an unedited version until now. Communist flow - shittin' on metropolis, yo...

Half-A-Mill - World Famous
(From Da Hustle Don't Stop album; 2002)

Tuesday, 1 March 2016

5th Ward Treme

Anything Mystikal, Mark Ronson & The Daptones can do, man like 5th Ward Weebie, the New Breed Brass Band & Trombone Shorty can do with even more panache on a Supa Sunday In N.O. Let me find out this song just caused a Mardi Gras in ya baby momma's pants, let me find out any rappers who ain't from Louisiana are tryna rhyme over backing bands, let me find out Questlove couldn't handle the bantz, let me find out this video features multiple white ppl doing the Patti Astor in Wild Style dance.

5th Ward Weebie & New Breed Brass Band - Whatcha Workin It Fa
(From YouTube; 2016)



Bonus brass-beats: let me find out you slept on 3 Deep's Say What I Wanna Say.

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