Friday, 30 December 2016

Generic list post: December 2016


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when ya host let Ireland down. FYI, Pain In Da Ass was a-ok with me - The Return Of The Diaz Brothers is a boricua-rap classic which woulda been unthinkable without him, and it can't be a coincidence that Jay-Z fell off after his albums stopped featuring Wayne Da Pain.

G. Dep - Blak N*gga (1996/2016)
Mac Blast - 5 Mins Of Funk (2009)
Madlib & MF DOOM - Avanlache (2011/2016)
Mike $aatchi - Marty McFly (2016)
70th Street Carlos - When I Was Little (2016)
WNC Whop Bezzy - Consequences (2016)
Maleek Berry - Kontrol (2016)
Kwamz & Flava ft. Tion Wayne - Calling (2016)
Shatta Wale - Kakai (2016)

Other notables: Camp Lo's legit hitherto-unheard Suga Streets really should have been the B-side to Piece Of The Action in 1996 before Ski expanded his production palette and went full-on Coffy Is The Technicolor nostaljack for Uptown Saturday Night; Nef The Pharaoh's Mistletoe is way better than a song produced by Ryan Hemsworthless has any right to be, but it's still a mere Christmas throwaway; I prefer SOB & RBE's Lane Changing more than either of their big singles, but they've yet to make a song that I'd pay 99p for/go to the trouble of rippin' the audio to MP3; I dunno WTF is goin' on in Gunplay's head to make him think that Bible On The Dash Part 2 should sound like a Chinese Jordan Kevin Gates?!

Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Make 'em say UGHH


First thought upon hearing the news that Madam "Quest" Walder is closing down the UGHH store in Boston + UGHH.com in its entirely: that store + website still exist?

Second thought: is this karma for the UGHH webstore using RealAudio snippets back in the day and/or the forum spawning 4 eLeMeNtZ survivalist retards like Jaz, AC Tha Program Director, and Wicked22?

Third thought: ain't gonna lie, I did cop a record from the webstore in 2003 - the 7" of Anti-Matter by King Geedorah & Mr. Fantastik. Best DOOM song which ain't on Operation Doomsday, IMHO.

Third thought: Walder still owes me a cheque for my chronicle of the Filipino Frank vs. Immortal Technique beef which spiraled from the UGHH forum to the Fat Beats NYC store.

Fourth thought: my own personal favourite UGHH forum moment was when that Je$$ $antana lass who pretended to be Paul Castellano's granddaughter got exposed as the obese daughter of a Rodney Dangerfield impersonator from Rockville, Maryland.

Fifth thought: quick, someone find the thread where Chuck Wilson from Babygrande Records got busted sock-puppeting his own releases under the alias of JEDI MIND TRICKS FAN before Walder vapourises the forums.


Sixth thought: at least that's one less message board Gentle Jones can spam with his terrible music in 2017.

Tuesday, 27 December 2016

Mr. Bang Bang Out

70th Street Carlos' debut mixtape didn't live up to expectations, so ya host condensed it down to the essentials, added the tracks which should have been included, and ended up with the best EP of 2016. All six songs are produced by Trel Itz A Hit which means Triggaman samples over Louisiana tubas, steel drum Soulja-Rap, beserker Brass Construction breakbeats, and Mardi Gras murder-core. Doz dat pay attention will already know most of these songs, so share this playlist with doz squares dat slept.



Swear down this is the last WNC post I'll make in 2016.

Monday, 26 December 2016

Tevas Scared (Slight Return)

"Bitch, there's consequences if you touch me
Bitch, there's consequences if you love me"


Whop Whop Bezzy - Consequences
(From G.R.E.G mixtape; 2016)



Still contend that Consequences wasn't as good as its teaser video suggested, but I suppose there's no shame in not living up to the best in-studio snippet video of 2016. In a cruel and senseless year, be thankful that the universe gently nudged Whop & Carlos into the arms of their soulmate producer.

Where's the GQ article about Whop wearin' Adidas kicks & Tevas sandals at the Same Damn Time in the Consequences video, though? Four Pins died for your tardiness, not mine.


Bitch, there's consequences for breakin' Brand Harmony protocol.

Thursday, 22 December 2016

I sit alone in my 4 cornered barn starin' at cows

From the heartlands of rural England to trendy Shorditch circa the late noughties to Houston's motherf*ckin' 5th Ward: it's the classique Barbour quilted Powell jacket.



When country-rap goes country-gent. Damn it feels good to be a farmer.

Wednesday, 21 December 2016

Late pass!

Maleek Berry - Kontrol
(From Last Daze of Summer EP; 2016)



As discovered via Drake's best of 2016 mix, a damn anthem. U.K Afrobeats being better than Real Deal Holyfiend motherlands Afrobeats this year is probably God's way of apologising for U.K Rap being the worst genre of all time.

... Just jokin' like Malphurs; American Reggae is forever the W.O.A.T genre innit?

Tuesday, 20 December 2016

It was the moment I feared


"To all you artists out there who don't wanna record songs where the producer's all up on that shit with a feature credit...all up on the artwork photoshopped.... don't work with Ryan Hemsworth!"



Don't even front like Mistletoe is one of the canonical Nef The Pharaoh loosies à la No Masturbation - shit is a pure throwaway that's good for a handful of listens tops. Fair play, though, because it's better than Nef's official new single with Sleazy G, and it's a Helluva lot more fun than an Xmas song produced by some cloud-rap also-ran from The Wavery has any right to be. Christmas really 'tis the luckiest season.

Ryan Hemsworthless finally being involved in a half-decent song after all these years gotta be the rap equivalent of the infinite monkey theorem.

Monday, 19 December 2016

Generic list post: Martorialist playlists of 2016

Can I jump back and kiss myself one last time in 2016? Here's all the playlists ya host put together or kept rollin' this year in one handy post. Make the most of them now before the inevitable Audiomack implosion melts 'em all into the cachemosphere.

AZ - Deep Cuts
Jackie Chain - The Best of Mr. V.I.P
Kap G - The Best of Kap G
Grand Puba - Deep Cuts
G. Dep - The Best of G. Dep
Fam-Lay - The Best of Fam-Lay
Akinyele - Deep Cuts
A-Mafia - The Best of A-Mafia
70th Street Carlos - Mr. Bang Bang Out EP
Various Artists - Rap Songs That Aren't On YouTube
Spice - The Best of Spice 2014 - 2016

Bad-Cop just uploaded a zipfile of the CDQ MP3 of How and 3 other unreleased pre-Bad Boy G. Dep tracks from 1996. I replaced the mixed version of How in my Best of The Deputy playlist with the CDQ version and also added Blak N*gga and Automatic from the zipfile. Throw ya hands in the freakin' air and keep 'em there.

Saturday, 17 December 2016

Martorial elegance # 89

Wanna rock an Xmas sweater to the pub but don't fancy gettin' ostracized by your famalam for lookin' like a Charlie Chester? Never fear because Kap LaGerfeld just got seasonal on datarzz and dropped a Girlfriend Christmas knit that your whole bloodline can wear. Call him Hedi, he's the slim mane.


Still waitin' on the the English-launguage remix of J. Balvin's Reggaeton hit Safari which Kap was teasin' on Instagram with Pharrell a while back. Keys opened doors for them twin brothers who only ever sounded good drippin' nonchalance over Neptunes beats to hop on a Justin Timberlake single, and being Lil' Skateboard P's Latino-rapper mate has unlocked a whole 'nother world of opportunity for the College Park Mexican.

Y'know what song Kap G really needs to jack, though? Gato by No Panty. How's Ray Barretto's El Watusi gotten the tumbleweed & cow dung treatment from rap producers until now when the song was featured in that ol' hip hop touchstone Carlito's Way?

Thursday, 15 December 2016

And my mothaf*ckin' circle smaller than Son Doobie's todger!


You're f*ckin' right I know Lil' Ken and he reckons WNC Carlos has settled on 70th Street as his prefix. You f*ckin' right Carlos' rapping & Trel Itz A Hit's production are one of 2016's most potent new combinations. F*ckin' right Keep A Glock is like a drunken beserker-Bounce version of Webbie's most savage song. F*ckin' right this is just a generic Baton Rouge rap video with teenagers wavin' guns around in someone's garden, but if it stops t'internet sleepin' on the song then it's served a purpose.

70th Street Carlos - Keep A Glock
(From YouTube; 2016)



You're f*ckin' right this new Carlos & Trel song is equally as savage. Hell yeah, WNC got joints - you're f*ckin' right. Ask that blogga Mike, he just heard Cross Me for the first time last night.

70th Street Carlos - When I Was Little
(From t'internet; 2016)



F*ckin' right I put together a best of Carlos EP. F*ckin' right all 6 songs on there were produced by Trel Itz A Hit.

Monday, 12 December 2016

The obligatory best rap songs of 2016 post

... and it's goodbye to the year when KanYe West went from Champions to tinkerman and Claudio Ranieri went from tinkerman to champion...


Raise a toast to 2016 - the exact point in history when middle class StanYes officially usurped middle aged 4 eLeMeNtZ survivalists as rap's W.O.A.T demographic. Usual EOTY rules apply here: one song per artist, no order of preference, and a handful of tracks from the filter-end of 2015. If anyone fancies turning this list into a playlist then do it on YouTube because twelve of these tracks aren't available on Spotify or any of its streaming competitors. Shit, four of them aren't on YouTube either, but at least you can find my Rich The Kid-less edit of Rich Homie Quan's Stay Down on the 'Tube (no Paula Yates.)

Boone - Pop A Perc
Yo Gotti - Down In The DM
Lil' Chris - Gods Crying
Jidenna - Long Live The Chief
Lil' Yase - Gigalo
Willie Joe - I Wonder
2 Chainz - MFN Right
WNC Carlos - Keep A Glock
WNC Da Label - Who You Playing With
Dreezy ft. Jeremih - Body
Uncle Murda - Cam'Ron Voice
Kap G - Southside
Ezale & DJ Fresh - We Want Some Pussy
Nef The Pharaoh ft. Philthy Rich - #Saaydaat
Tink - Aquafina
Yung Cat - You Ah Bitch
Rae Sremmurd ft. Gucci Mane - Black Beatles
YG - Bool, Balm & Bollective
RJ - OMG
Rich Homie Quan - Stay Down [Martorialist Edit]
Young Thug & Travis $cott ft. Quavo - Pick Up The Phone
Foxx - Too Old
Boosie BadAzz - Smile To Keep From Crying
Webbie ft. Boosie BadAzz - Problem
Mic Terror - I Don't Call The Cops
White Gzus ft. GLC - G Is For Green
Eat Em - Trophy
Kevin Gates - Hard For
Carolyn Rodriguez ft. Kap G - On The Grind
Young Devi D ft. Brandoshis - Don't Judge Me
Jimmy Wopo - Elm Street
King Louie - We Like To Party
Brill 4 The Thrill ft. Plushh - Pay Me
Ka - That Cold and Lonely
21 Savage & Metro Boomin - No Heart
Aminé - Caroline
D.R.A.M - Cash Machine
5th Ward Weebie ft. S 8ighty & Big Choo - Club Luv
A-Wax - Always Something
No Panty - Gato
Danny Brown - When It Rain
DJ Quik & Problem ft. Shy Carter - A New Nite/Rosecrans Groove
Kamaiyah - For My Dawg
NBA YoungBoy - 38 Baby
Max B ft. Wiz Khalifa, Alpac & Joe Young - Silver Surfer
French Montana ft. Kodak Black - Lockjaw
Mozzy ft. June - 1 Up Top
T.E.C & Maine Musik - Ain't No Comin' Down
Mike $aatchi - Marty McFly
Egyptian Lover - Kinky Nation (Kingdom Kum) [808 Mix]

Related: 2016's best non-rap songs IMO and Sixteen which ain't from 2016.

Saturday, 10 December 2016

Generic list post: sixteen which ain't from '16

Basically, sixteen old legit choons that I've discovered in 2016 - a very good year for stumblin' upon gems that I'd previously missed by some of my favourite rappers as it turns out. Cheers to Frankie, BigSleep, Marcello, Noz, SE, Rey, and REDlite for the seven joints they put me onto, and thanx to myself for finally comin' across the other nine.

Slick Rick - Star Trek (1991)
2Pac - F*ck All Y'All [O.G version] (1994)
Cheeky Blakk - Keep It On The Real (1996)
Luniz - X.O. (1996)
OutKast - Roaches & Rats (1996)
Casual - Who Do That (1997)
Mac Dre - Pawns In The Game (1997 or 1998)
Beanie Sigel - Peep The Steelo (200?)
BallGreezy - Shone (2007)
Jackie Chain - Oh Yeah (2007)
The Jacka - Rule The World (2007)
Max B - I Gotta Have It (2008)
A-Wax - Dead People (2010)
Rich Boy - All I Know (2011)
Lil' Yase & Yatta - Get It In (2015)
Young Devi D - Young Fly N*gga (2015)

Honourable mention goes out to Step One for goin' up against ya whole solar system and findin' a true holy grail with the explicit version of the Firm Biz (World's Famous Remix). Fingers crossed 2017 is the year someone finally uploads Juvenile's Ca$h Money Gorilla from the 400 Degreez promo cassette to t'internet.

Thursday, 8 December 2016

Generic list post: 2016's best non-rap songs IMO

Now is the winter of our vanity content, where everyone inflicts their favourite songs of the year on t'internet via all manner of convoluted lists. Here's 16 legit jams from the past year or so which aren't even rap songs - instead we got House shit from Chicago dons and cheeky Nando's dons, U.K Afrobeats shit, Dancehall shit, Ghancehall shit, R&B shit, girl-group pop shit featuring Ty Dolla $ign, and future-FunK shit which bangs that little bit harder than DāM-FunK's usual shit.

Mr. Fingers - Qwazars
Shift K3Y - Like This
Moelogo - Pénkéle
Kwamz & Flava - Takeover [O.G version]
Kwamz & Flava ft. Coast2Coast Ent. - Stop Stalling
New Age Muzik - Da Beat
Spice - Indicator
Dexta Daps - Chinese Jordan
Chi Ching Ching - Nacho
Konshens - Bruk Off Mi Cock
Shatta Wale - Bie Gya
Tweet - Magic
Jacquees - Know You
Tinashe - Touch Pass
Fifth Harmony ft. Ty Dolla $ign - Work From Home
DāM-FunK - Hazy Stomp

Bonus beats: top 5 old non-rap songs ya host discovered in 2016. How had none of these songs found their way into my orbit before this year? It's a mystery, Scooby Doo.

The Animals - Inside-Looking Out (1966)
Bananarama - He's Got Tact (1982)
Larry Heard - Missing You (1999)
Chi Ching Ching - Roast Or Fry (Breadfruit) (2015)
Donae'o - Mami No Like (2015)

Tuesday, 6 December 2016

Slangin' humble pie and St. Ides in the same sentence

"I feel like I'm Marty McFly, wat' me just travel in time
I need a bitch from the '80s, wat' me pull up with a dime
I been livin' like a rock star, rips in my jeans when I slide
Hot box the Delorean, roll up some dope and get high"


Mike $aatchi - Marty McFly
(From YouTube; 2016)



Did my damnedest to resist this Reys-Cafe find but I can't deny its Legit Slap status any longer. Still prefer it didn't have those trendy Atlanta production tics, but the kid $aatchi definitely has himself something akin to a 2k16 Reagan Era with this one. If there's two things Bay Area rap needed right now it's a song which samples the G.O.A.T Vaporwave tune, and a sixteen year old Armenian Travis Barker lookalike rapper who caught the holy ghost of Chazmaniia.

Crazy thing is Rich The Factor just dropped a new song with the exact same sample. The Oakland-to-Kansas City rap connection ain't had no love for Diana Ross' It's Your Move until 2016?

Monday, 5 December 2016

Generic list post: Stop Lyin' edition

Youze rap critics have had enough time to milk your articles about how Tribe's new album is a comfort blanket for 2016's annus horribilis, but now it's time to fess up to the unfortunate truth: that whole LP is a mess which depends on the listener sympathising with Phife's death to forgive the album's many shortcomings. The penance for blatantly misleading your readers? 10 Hail Luciens and an hour spent cleansing your sins with this list of 10 noughties legit jams by Q-Tip and Consequence.

Q-Tip - Let's Ride (2000)
Consequence ft. KanYe West - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly (2002)
Q-Tip ft. Busta Rhymes - N.T. (2000)
Consequence ft. KanYe West - Take It As A Loss (2004)
Q-Tip - Breathe And Stop (2000)
Consequence - Don't Forget 'Em (2007)
Q-Tip - Renaissance Rap (2008)
Consequence ft. Common, KanYe West & Talib Kweli - Wack N*ggas 2 (2004)
Consequence - Job Song (2007)
Busta Rhymes & Q-Tip - Thank You [Kid Capri Remix] (2013)

Do any of these songs contain Phife soundin' like a literal Lil' Half Dead, Q-Tip usin' the Beastie Boys Intergalactic vocal-filter, Busta Rhymes doin' plastic-rastamon Dem Bow karaoke, or Jarobi fumblin' to make words rhyme? Of course they don't, and that is why they're all empirically better than anything on that Tribe album. Wack N*ggas 2 is particularly notable since it's the first time Talib Killjoy had displayed a sense of humour since Fortified Live.

Friday, 2 December 2016

She say you annoyin' like a splinter

"Bitch, you 'bout make me flash
Finna get on ya nerves like I'm a rash
You ain't poppin', bitch, you know you trash
And I'm just statin' facts
If you don't like it, fuck it, we can scratch
Light your ass up like you was a match"


Jay Lewis ft. WNC Whop Bezzy - GYAB
(From YouTube; 2016)


... as in Get Yo' Ass Beat. Surprised this is the first WNC-related song to reach a million views on YouTube since it's not one of the more immediate songs in the Wreck-N-Crew oeuvre, but its charms slowly reveal themselves like as all mid-tempo Baton Rouge fight songs tend to do. Shit might be the best example of that particular sub-genre of Louisiana rap since Mista's Going Down, and Jay Lewis outdoes Whop with his own style - "Say lil' bitch don't make me flash like a picture/I stay in that water like a pickle!"

Thursday, 1 December 2016

Born to Audiomack: the best of G. Dep



I got a G-Dep playlist for those who consume shit, I love to do it like Jennifer Love Hewitt. Why? Because G. Dep's music was simultaneously butta and gutter, word to mother, go ask your brother, even when Dep was smokin' sherm he never succumbed to the Ced Gee circa 1993 stutter. How? By collecting the Deputy's twelve best songs starting with five late '90s indie-era joints, six gems he recorded during his tenure with Bad Boy Records, and the one highlight from his attempted late '00's comeback.

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