Monday, 30 January 2017

Generic list post: January 2017


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when worlds collided.

Camp Lo - Camp Lo (Bust Ya Down) (1995/2016)
Camp Lo - Coolie High Is Life (1995/2016)
OMB Peezy - Lay Down (2016)
Street Knowledge - Dru Down Flow (Can You Feel Me) (2017)
PnB Rock ft. Ty Dolla $ign - Hanging Up My Jersey (2017)
Simoncino - Beyond The Dance (Mr. Fingers Dark Mix) (2016)
Busy Signal - Go Again (2017)

Other notables: Out The Streetz is exactly the sort of production I wanna hear A-Wax over, so of course he had to go and ruin it by letting his saltine baggage handler rap on there too; Kap G ruined Freakin 'N' Geekin' all on his own with that Cold Hands On His Back flow (thanx, Jesse); listened to the SOB X RBE album and I still can't find a song by them I like enough to pay 99p for; every time Westwood plays these new Migos singles I'm reminded of how I felt any time I'd inadvertently catch a new Das EFX single back in the mid to late 90s: FFS when are these played-out motherf*ckers gonna go away already?

PS: listen to my top 10 non-rap songs of 2016 and sixteen which ain't from 2016 playlists.

Saturday, 28 January 2017

Another major L for The Guardian's coverage of rap music

From this point forward, noone from The Guardian is allowed to mock The Daily Mail for running a story about DMX with pictures of D.M.C ever again:



What's the most #Problematic thing about The Guardian printing a picture of Bre-Z & Gizzle on its front page trailer for a Rae Sremmurd interview yesterday?

* That The Guardian thinks all blk ppl look alike to the point that they can't even tell blk lads from blk lasses?

* That The Guardian thinks two lesbians are men?

Wednesday, 25 January 2017

I really think that I'm Tom Cruise

"Cold Game Chronicles" Starring Ezale as Jet Pri Part 1 of 5 #WeGoneBringThisTownShitBack Filmed by: @stewyfilms

A video posted by IM ON MDMA (@ezalecantseewell) on


Is Ezale ever gonna drop this song or wot? The video is nearly 12 months old now, and while history has taught us that Ezale songs rarely ever sound like the Instagram snippets suggest they'll sound, this one still seems like it has more potential than 97% of the pisspoor new rap released thus far in 2017.

All I wanted was a slap, just one slap, and you wouldn't give it to me.

Sunday, 22 January 2017

Was Will High behind the attack on Richard Spencer?

Think about it, yo: nobody throws a blindsided punch quite like Will High, just ask Vordul's shattered jaw. We're all about the code of the streets here at The Martorialist so we'd never willingly send a man to Rikers Island like Gentle Jones and El-P did when the pair of them snitched on Will High to the NYPD, but check out this exclusive video footage of the Richard Spencer incident obtained from our man on the concrete King Kos AKA Gianluca Giallo:


"Sucker punch? I guess, technically. I mean, you really WOULD have to be a sucker to sleep on a dude like me when I am threatening to assrape you." - Will High, 2009.

Saturday, 21 January 2017

Generic list post: I Got Cha Opin

Parlour game #content spawned from a conversation about whether Straight Outta Compton is a better LP opener than Real N*ggaz Don't Die: favourite opening songs on rap albums. Rules of da game like Wood Street Playaz: it must be the first song you hear when you press play on the album, it must contain rapping, and it must function as a proper song not just as an album intro. Turns out ya host is a right golden-era mark at heart.

1. Eric B. & Rakim - Follow The Leader (1988)
2. N.W.A - Real N*ggaz Don't Die (1991)
3. Z-Ro - Mo City Don (Freestyle) (2005)
4. Snoop Doggy Dogg - Murder Was The Case (remix) (1994)
5. Mac Dre - Feelin' Myself (2004)
6. L.L. Cool J - I'm Bad (1987)
7. Brand Nubian - All For One (1990)
8. Lil' Wayne - Tha Mobb (2005)
9. EPMD - Strictly Business (1988)
10. 2Pac - Ambitionz Az A Ridah (1996)
11. Ghosface & Raekwon ft. Cappadonna - Iron Maiden (1996)
12. Above The Law - Murder Rap (1990)
13. Camp Lo - Krystal Karrington (1997)
14. Dru Down - Pimp Of The Year (1994)
15. Beanie Sigel - Feel It In The Air (2005)
16. Cypress Hill - Pigs (1991)
17. Kool G. Rap & DJ Polo - Road To The Riches (1989)
18. Mystikal - Y'All Ain't Ready Yet (1995)
19. The Diplomats ft. Un Kasa - Un Casa (2003)
20. Nice & Smooth - Early To Rise (1989)

Least favourite opening songs on killer albums? The title track of T.I's Trap Muzik gotta be my personal W.O.A.T since I always skip that entirely and start with I Can't Quit. Slick Rick's Treat Her Like A Prostitute can get a big fat skip too because the O.G beatbox version with Doug E. Fresh which later surfaced on the Teenage Love 12" is vastly superior and was only removed from the album due to cockamamie industry politics.

Wednesday, 18 January 2017

These bitches love Soca

Busy Signal - Go Again
(From the 6.3 Riddim; 2017)



A real 2 Birds With 1 Stone choon here: a Caribbean escape from the slate-grey skies + bitter winds of British january, and a much-welcome counteragent to this month of mostly stale new rap shit.

Artists who really do use their voices like an instrument nah just walk inna Young Thug's shoes. That's not a plea for any Busy Signal Is Post-Language/Like A Verbal Saxophone thinkpieces, mind.

Sunday, 15 January 2017

Just sayin', mang

Kap G - Freakin 'N' Geekin
(From Freakin 'N' Geekin single; 2016)



Thought everyone had done the decent thing by ignoring Kap G's shitty new single here until I caught Westwood enthusiastically slappin' it on his latest show. Song is the exact sort trendy Atlanta bollox Kap shouldn't be droppin' when he's got a Safari remix in the chamber ready to go, and it's unfortunate that the poor lad probably thinks he's channeling Young Thug by raising his voice a few octaves at the end of each bar when he actually sounds like a eunuch doin' the Akinyele Vagina Diner flow. Jose got them stinkers.

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Reasons why I love YouTube: Little In Japan edition

Oh, so this is the Japanese chicken-chaser commercial Bananarama recorded their AZN market-only G.O.A.T deep cut He's Got Tact for. Who needs Easy Rider when you've got Peter Fonda on a Honda instead?


Shameful situation that Woodie's Norte Sidin' and Foxy Brown's Cruel Summer are the only notable rap songs to sample Bananarama. Don't even front like the intro of It Ain't What You Do... doesn't bang as 'ard as anything on an Ultimate Breaks & Beats compilation.

Fun Boy Three with Bananarama - It Aint What You Do...
(From Fun Boy Three album; 1982)


Monday, 9 January 2017

Carry on Campin'

Camp Lo - Camp Lo (Bust Ya Down)
(From Ski's vaults; 1995/On The Way Uptown album; 2016)



As taken from Camp Lo & Ski's new album of 1995/1996 unreleased joints. This shit is Scaramanga before Scaramanga, and while it's far too raw for Uptown Saturday Night or the B-sides of Camp Lo's previous singles, it definitely sounds like some long-lost demo track Stretch & Bobbito played once in 1995 that headz have been tryin' to track down ever since. Shalamar magnetic.

Saturday, 7 January 2017

Born to Audiomack: top 10 non-rap songs of 2016

I stopped smokin' with writers back in '015 when they tried to tell me Carley Rae Jepsen was an Exciting Artiste. Judging by most of the 2016 music lists I read, the vast majority of these dullard critics still can't tell diamond from wood, which gives me another excuse to mine my own archives for #content in 2017 by condensing my my best non-rap songs of the year generic list post down to a ten song Audiomack playlist. It ain't even that my taste in non-rap shit is 'owt special, more that all these frumpy music writers are so laughably clueless that any mildly-inquisitive dilettante with a decent ear can glitter & gleam like Pimp C's Cadillac in comparison.



No order of preference, but the running order of artists is Tinashe, New Age Muzik, Kwamz & Flava, Moelogo, Shatta Wale, Dexta Daps, Chi Ching Ching, Spice, Mr. Fingers, and Shift K3Y. Never wrote about the latter's Like This, but that shit was my own personal House Every Weekend of 2016 which I never heard anybody play outside my own house. Probably would have expanded the list to a top twelve and included Fifth Harmony & Ty Dolla $ign's Work From Home and J. Balvin & co's Safari if both songs weren't such red flags to the RIAA.

Friday, 6 January 2017

File this under ‘one for the Brits’

A screenshot of the Siccness.net front page. What's wrong with this picture?


Hint: killed the pussy like Grant, I done added to my body count. Winning answer gets my mate Angie's crying Ian Beale tattoo transfer.


"Baby you funny, I call that chick Lenny Henry"

Young T & Bugsey - No Mickey Mouse Ting
(From YouTube; 2016)


Thursday, 5 January 2017

I got a rare European with some rhythm

"It's Money Over Bitches, ask Pimpy Doo
That's my n*gga, he say that's what we really do
If Tina Turner need a tune-up call me Jiffy Lube"


Street Knowledge - Dru Down Flow (Can You Feel Me)
(From Soundcloud; 2017)



Street Knowledge isn't a rapper whose music sticks for ya host like cement, but this one's got me stuck where I stand, 'bout to piss in my pants. You got me mixed-up twisted like Arabian gymnasts if you think I'm not down for homages to NorCal's finest hoet laureate Pimpy Dru.

Tuesday, 3 January 2017

Born to Audiomack: sixteen which ain't from 2016

Still tippin', still fly, still breathin', still I rise, still spendin' money from '88, still minin' my own archives for #content in 2017. Here's my sixteen which ain't from 2016 generic list post in Audiomack playlist form... well, sorta: I don't have the OutKast and Casual MP3s at hand right now so I've replaced them with equally worthy new-to-me discoveries by Camp Lo and BlaqNmilD & 5th Ward Weebie. Still 'bout whateva, still D.R.E, still rock my chinos with a cuff and no crease, still the only Audiomack user to upload songs by Slick Rick and Lil' Yase & Yatta.

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